Having a stronger effect on the less informed.

I almost titled this "Having a stronger effect on the weak minded," but I'm of the opinion that mindfulness can be learned, even if it doesn't seem to be someone's natural groove. And it just sounds mean.

Angry/negative people can be bad for your brain.

A TON of this relates to what I've studied with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and NLP. Unhappiness, anger, and anxiety can be contagious. A person can change the quality of emotions in a room/conversation by expressing more positive emotions in their own behavior. If they can accomplish that, their listener(s) respond more positively to arguments or suggestions.

I haven't read about mirror neurons before, but it fits my NLP studies. It also relates to another post I'm working on about creative projects and related social scenes (write, Sassy! WRITE!), will post later.

Furthermore, another possible view on sympathetic magic: "Be the change you want to see in the world." Yay, Ghandi!

Bolivia

Bolivia, by Havi Brooks [link].

I am thirty three years old and have not once seriously considered moving to Bolivia.

It’s weird, because normally I wouldn’t even mention that.

But here we are. Most women do end up moving to Bolivia.

And by my age, you’re pretty much expected to have already moved there or at least you’re supposed to be trying really hard to get there.

To be clear: I have nothing against Bolivia. It seems like a lovely place. Just not one that pulls me. It has never called my name.

And even though I don’t talk about my relationship (or non-relationship) to Bolivia, we will talk about it today.

Because I have words that need to be said about loneliness, power and the extremely problematic word: “choice”.

To be honest, I have wondered about moving to Bolivia, but I have plenty of things to do here and now. There are plenty of remarkable and rewarding things I can do in my lifetime without going there.

Also, this metaph0r works for more than one "women's issue" subject to societal pressure. I'll bet it works on some for the menfolk as well :-)

Perfection, and Its Cure

The Disease Called Perfection,

and

The CURE for "Perfection"

by Single Dad Laughing.


I don't think there's anything I can really say better, or to make it better, except "It's always OK to be you."

Making Space

Possibilities & The Divine Law of The Ugly Chair

Letting go makes way for something closer to your truth…which is always more beautiful. Always.

Making space signals the universe that you’re ready for ideal…or at the very least, much improved.

Making space expands your being and clarifies (and dare I say, actually minimizes) your needs.

This a good parable for why I'm giving up boy-chasing for seven weeks. Just giving myself more space to be awesome!

Danielle Laporte also co-wrote the book Style Statement, which was fun and helpful for me at that time in my life. Both with my internal quests and looking for paint colors for my new place ;-)

Spinster Has Run Out of Sassy

Maybe it is the summer doldrums (or the Summer Soul Flu), but I am exhausted. Thus, lack of blogging.


But it is Friday! Here, have some links. I've been trying to psych myself up to do some de-cluttering by looking at home improvement type blogs ;-)

Tiny-Ass Apartment. Like Apartment Therapy, only this blog is actually about APARTMENTS and not expensive houses with tons of space. Why do you do that, AT?

Lovely Undergrad. Like the aforementioned TAA, but with a college life spin. Adorbs!

Ikea Hacker. Almost handmade, always much fun.


Happy Weekend! Stay cool!

Spinster Links!

On Interpersonal Badness - You Are Worthless, Lets Be Friends. Reminds me of a crazy social group I got out of a few years ago. But I wonder how often we all act like this without realizing?


Panic, Meditation, and the Dilettante. I also don't get around to meditating every day, but that is mostly due to bad time management skills. Maybe I need a Pagan life coach.


Best Friend Rape Prevention. Trigger warnings. I agree with the author, "Random goons on the street and invading homes have nothing statistically on friends, dates, and partners." So how does a person apply stranger-rape prevention advice in a familiar environment?


Why 'Female' Science Professor? "Why the extra adjective? Does it matter in my work as a scientist and a professor that I am female? Many times it does."


Of girls and geeks: Environment may be why women don't like computer science. But ... I like Star Trek posters? Still an interesting experiment.


Sign of the Times: Barbie's a Tech Geek. I'm still not sure how to respond to this. Tho I'm surprised she's not a Mac user.


How My Little Pony Turned a Little Girl Into a Computer Scientist. So Matel was off by one franchise ;-)


Fashion and the Female Geek, First Steps. "...I can address not only how to be taken seriously as a ‘front-line geek feminist’ – but also how to maintain a standard of comfort that is (quite frankly) essential to a woman who has plenty of ‘geeky’ passions that occupy her time and keep her on her biologically-accurate toes."

Friday Links!

Things I found on teh interwebs recently:

Succeed Socialy dot Com : Free social skills advice for adults. What a great idea :-D I like a lot of these articles.

30 Sleeps : Open source personal development. "I’m a 31-year-old, Vancouver-based adventure capitalist on a mission to help others grow." Thanks, dude :-). I really like the Social Skydiving series :-)

Welcome! To the Menaissance Festival! Yikes. I don't watch Mad Men, I'm starting to think that show would frustrate me somethin' awful.

Marriage, kids, adulthood, but why? Interesting look at the changing values of family life and independence in American culture. However, it also smacks of middle-to-upper class privilege.

Where the Smart People At? Calculating the "smartest" concentration of people in the U.S., by measuring college degree holders per square mile in several cities.

How to keep someone with you forever. This article disturbs me on many levels. In that "Awesome, I'll never fall for that ever again," way.

How to a roast chicken, fast! Because roasting chicken is f'ing easy. I got my 90 minute recipe from The Pink of Perfection, and I usually use the long cooking time to make other dishes. Or stare blankly at Facebook.

The Pink of Perfection, a thrifty girl's guide to the good life. Perfectly awesome in every way.

20 things I wish I'd known at 20. I don't think anybody's ever photographed me almost-topless, does that mean I come out ahead?

Internet Bounty

How To Clean Stuff dot Net. Thank goodness, because I am a spaz.


5 Minute Chocolate Cake. Baked in a coffee mug, in a microwave. This is a dangerous thing for me to find, so I'm sharing the peril.


Six Months of Rules. From "Premise," For the last six months of my twenties, I am going to follow "the Rules" of dating (or my best interpretation of them) and write about it.

Just reading the first few pages... Madam, you have way more patience for this than I would. Good luck with your project :-)


Are You Eating Yourself Into Debt? From Man Vs. Debt.

I definitely was.


Welcome to the Institute for Beyonce-related Cultural Studies. . . A despicable charade where so much is demanded of women, so much compliance and poking and prodding, so much effort to make ourselves beautiful and radiant and perfect, so much forcing of square pegs into round holes, just so we could meet it all, do it all, get close to the apex of perfection and still be worth nothing.

The Beyonce song reminds me of some back-foot humor. "How is a girl like you still single?" How are you dumb enough to ask me that question?

The Latest Links

Despite my extended break from blogging, I have found things both awe and ire inspiring all over the interwebs :-)

Imaginary Bitches on Youtube! A woman who is the last single girl in her group of friends suddenly develops a pair of imaginary friends. Friends who are total bitches. Awesome hijinks ensue. Totally free to watch this online tv show, but I wish they'd get on with season 2.

The Technique of the Love Affair. A romance self-help book penned in the 1920s, reprinted with commentary. It's a super interesting read if you are a student of history and feminism, or have a Machiavellian view on relationships. And the more things change, the more they seem to stay the same...

Rape Culture and Road Rage, on Livejournal. A conversation about rape culture, and how baby steps can go a long way towards dismantling it.

Contrary to the Myth, Abortion is NOT the Most Controversial "Choice" Issue: Words of Caution for Elena Kagan Yet another double standard. Western culture still doesn't know how to deal with women (single or otherwise) who don't want to have children.

No More Sex in the City: NYC women are going celibate - and they feel happier than ever. Um... This article has some interesting points, but is annoying overall. I don't like the NY Post's point of view that all women in their 20s will eagerly hook up with someone they met on the subway. And how two weeks without sex is some enormous personal achievement. And the last line, “But I think it’s harder to not have sex than to have sex.” Speak for yourself.

For the record, I'm not celibate, I just have standards. And so do most women in NYC. Like a friend of mine replied on Facebook, "Not having sex or a relationship is not some horrible fate that bad sex and bad relationships will somehow improve upon." Srsly.


And because 'tis the season, Doctor Who - Tenth Doctor: The Musical. No time for boys right now, it's Doctor Who season!! I'm loving Doc 11, but I am still not impressed with Moffat's ability to write female characters.

Spinning Back Out

Wow, been a while! Sorry about that... I guess? Meh, its cyber-space, things happen.

My absence was caused by a combination of things to do outside of the blogosphere, and a lack of people really getting me here. I also found the wonderful website Quirkyalone.net, which says everything I want to say but without all of the patronizing but well(?)meaning readers commenting "Tut tut, I'm sure you'll find someone someday..." *headdesk* Very discouraged, I lost interest in the uphill battle of making myself understood.

But I'm back now, possibly to take this blog in a slightly different direction.


When last we saw our Sassy Spinster, she was bemoaning the lack of not-busy friends to hang out and game with. This situation has more than reversed itself. I became addicted to improvised comedy shows, and then got sucked into the Cult of Improv itself. Now I'm taking improv classes at The Magnet Theater in NYC, and going to lots of shows and mixers. When I have class shows, my friends-of-old come out to see me perform, and take a break from school, work, and weddings. I take a metric ton of show photos. Good times!!

At least, I was doing all of these things, until I started getting sick once or twice a month without any clear reason. All respiratory stuff. My allergist just confirmed that I'm allergic to everything she has a standard test for, so that's a start.

Now that I am too sick to go out a lot of the time (I used to love Springtime D-:) I have time to blog again. I have also been losing/finding my feet in other personal matters, like finance, health, and nutrition, and am looking for a place to put all of those thoughts. I still have my Livejournal friends, but I'm hoping it will be easier to keep up with my own improvement plans if they are in a public forum.

So I'm back. Yay!

<3 Chrysilla, the Sassy Spinster

Apocalypse Me.

When I was in high school, I had tons of dreams about apocalypses (apocalypsi?). It was a different scenario every time, so I wasn't worried about it being prophetic. I always survived with the people in the dream that I liked to build a new world. Metaphorically speaking, my subconscious totally backed me up on getting out of suburban NJ. When I went to NYU the world stopped ending in my dreams, probably because I was rebuilding my life within a place and a people I liked.

Years later I'm still very affected by apocalypse fiction. There was an NYC Radio Theater production of War of the Worlds that moved me to tears. Promethea* was made of awesome and reflects how I think of "apocalypse," after studying mysticism at NYU. It's not a disaster, but a great revelation at the end of an era:

Rejoice. Your world is ended. The beliefs whereupon it was founded turn to air before the quantum scrutiny of your new science; were never truly there. Time's jail-yards are unlocked, the prison of material ambition that reduced you now demolished. Rejoice. Return now to your separate moments, selves, and rooms, and know that separation for ILLUSION. Know that you were one, were here, and in eternity are here forever. Here, where sudden firelight in your soul startled you from your worldly slumber. Stay awake.

Promethea, book 5.


And then there was last week.


Monday a blogger I read started a new short fiction blog called Apocalypse Daily, within the obvious theme.

Tuesday held another episode of The End of the World at UCB theater. It's a limited engagement improv show for the month of June, very fun so far.

Wednesday I went to an awesome Fantastic Fiction nite at KGB, where Brian Francis Slattery read/sang excerpts of his book Liberation: Being the Adventures of the Slick Six After the Collapse of the United States of America backed up by his own bluegrass band. This is the only recording of it so far, and I'm sad I didn't bring my own sneaky recording device. (And this is what the band looked like with better lighting, for reference) It was absolutely magical.

Friday, XKCD puts in a witty two cents, tho the punchline only really makes sense if you work in mathematics and/or academia (like me).


I wouldn't say I believe in Synchronicity per se. I look at the other way around: what you put out into the universe, it sometimes returns in kind or in synch. Reminding you of your own choices and plans, and things that need to be changed or finished.

So what exactly am I doing or creating to attract apocalypsi NOW?



*If anyone ever tries to make Promethea into a movie, I will handcuff myself to relevant office furniture in Hollywood until they stop. Unfortunately, I don't think Moore has control over that book anymore.

Breaking all the right laws ;-)

I have the Soul Flu today :-/ To combat it, I'm trying to focus on happy stuff.

This is just about the happiest thing I see happening in my circles of friends right now. Ironically for this blog, it's a wedding. But it's a really fantastically awesome wedding.

ZeroGravityWedding.com

From their blog, because of course they are blogging this:

In a few short months, my fiancée and I hope to be the first couple married in zero gravity.

When we started talking about marriage, Noah joked that we should have our wedding “in space”. Although most girls would take this to mean Noah didn’t want to get married, Erin knew he was sincere, and that this was a serious request. We decided marrying on the zero gravity plane would be a good compromise.

As kids, we both wanted to be astronauts - at least until we discovered the extensive higher-level mathematics skills involved. Erin attended space camp at the Michigan Space Center, and Noah volunteered at his local planetarium.

We hope that by having the first zero gravity wedding, we can promote the new wave of private space travel and space tourism. We hope that we can one day experience space flight and perhaps make a small contribution towards space exploration.

I know Erin from the NYU Sci Fi Club (we were both Doctor Who fans before it was cool), and I think this may qualify her as one of our most awesome alumni ;-) This is also the first zero-g wedding of all time, so there are lots more articles about it linked from the blog. Also pics of the wedding dress. *giggles*


This is why I don't want to settle for less than awesome in relationships, romantic or otherwise. Because my friends have set the bar pretty damn high :-D

If I could turn back time...

Right now I'm home sick with Captain Tripps :-P. Am pretty sure it's not the swine flu, but I still hate being sick.


If I wasn't quite so addled on cold meds, I might try and take part in this, but for now I'll just post about how awesome it is:

Lessons for Girls

Much savvier lady bloggers than I expounding on lessons they wish they'd learned before they grew up. Hopefully to help influence a new generation of highly awesome women.

The part that struck home for me was this from Lesson 8 "You don't have to be a mom," although not strictly in the vein of reproductive rights:

As a child, I recall adults asking my brother what he wanted to be when he grew up, listening to him sagely, then turning to me and flatly declaring, “I know what you want to be: a MOMMY!” And when I denied this desire, I have always been told, with a patronizing “what-a-silly-girl!” smile, “Oh, you’ll change your mind!” I was told I would change my mind when I grew up; then I was told I would change my mind when I met the right man; then, that I would change my mind when I settled down; that I would change my mind overnight when my “biological clock” suddenly started ticking; that I would change my mind when my friends had babies; even that I would change my mind after I had tenure. When confident assertions of my hidden maternal nature proved inadequate, the appeals to conscience began. I was told that I must have children for the sake of my future old age, for the sake of the human race, for the sake of perpetuating progressive values, for the sake of passing on my own intelligent genes (this last from my mom).

I got similar reactions from some friends when I started this blog project. And some of them aren't my friends anymore. In this way, I also connect pretty strongly with Lesson 2 "Opting Out."

Returned and Renewed

Settling into the new place took a bit more time and energy than I expected, and then I started working on beady bizness stuff, and I lost track of my "Yay Single" blogging habits. Sorry peoples! On the up-side, my new apartment is now absolutely awesome.

I decided to look for relevant articles and books to link, to jump start my habit without having to think too hard today. And then I struck gold!


Quirkyalone, singular insights on life and love. Where have you BEEN all my life?!?!


An exerpt from the article/manifesto that started it all,
People Like Us: The Quirkyalones:

Better to be untethered and open to possibility: living for the exhilaration of meeting someone new, of not knowing what the night will bring. We quirkyalones seek momentous meetings.

By the same token, being alone is understood as a wellspring of feeling and experience. There is a bittersweet fondness for silence. All those nights alone—they bring insight.

Sometimes, though, we wonder whether we have painted ourselves into a corner. Standards that started out high only become higher once you realize the contours of this existence. When we do find a match, we verge on obsessive—or we resist.

And so, a community of like-minded souls is essential.

I can't begin to explain how much this hits home for me. The desire to be spontaneous, not settling for the sake of coupledom, and the strange balance of companionship and loneliness. I think I've finally found a weird lifestyle moniker to cling to. Yay!

Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics is the resulting book, still available at Amazon.

I even took the online quiz,
Your score was 102. Very quirkyalone:
Relatives may give you quizzical looks, and so may friends, but you know in your heart of hearts that you are following your inner voice. Though you may not be romancing a single person, you are romancing the world.


Yay, I've found a home on teh interwebs :-D

S.A.W. Epilogue: Back from the abyss

Hey guys, sorry I dropped off the face of the earth towards the end of the S.A.W. Blogathon, but I don't usually blog on the weekends. Also, had some emotional recovering to do after the co-op calamity last week :-/ That hasn't been resolved 100%, but the forecast is fair, and I won't be able to do anything more about it until next Monday. Until then, I resolve not to give it a second thought. It's working so far, and I feel much better today than I did a week ago.

I meant to catch up with the blogosphere on Monday, or Tuesday, but I also came down with a mild stomach bug. Yuck. Today I'm back on the job.


As for Feb. 14, I spent the day running errands and hanging out with friends in a cloistered pub, so I kept forgetting it was also V-Day. I was just keeping on with my life and enjoying the day :-) But according to the Singles Awareness Website, S.A.D. is February 15th. In that case, I spent Sunday laying around the house and smooshing polymer clay. Also very rewarding!

However, after a week of blogging, I feel like I'm not explaining my ideas and blogging-goals fully or properly. Other people seem supportive, but still don't think anyone really *gets* what I'm trying to say, or understands what kind of online community I'm trying to create. It's something I want to work on more. Perhaps I'll write a manifesto...


So thanks again to those who participated in the Blogathon!
My co-blogger, Luscious Sealed Lips
Singlarity: Singles Awareness Day/First Date Butterflies
Saroj: Valentine’s Day/Singles Awareness Day
Tantrumzz of the Rat: For u Pink Lips!!!!
Life, Universe, and Everything: The Singleton Set

See you again next year, same spinster time, same spinster place :-)


This week and next week are going to be craaazy busy for me (real estate and vendorship), but if I have any braincells left there is an amusing new series of posts under construction. W00t!

Singles Awareness Week, Day One

Yay! Beginning of Singles Awareness Week! *happy dance*

It's not too late to join the festivities, just check out this post and follow the instructions :-) Remember, you don't have to *be* single to write about how awesome it is. I'll post a list of my co-bloggers later today or tomorrow.

Tho I must say, there isn't a whole lot of interest in this project so far. Not a lot of bloggers have contacted me about it. People were far more interested in blogging about a pretend Zombie attack last year. Bloggers would rather write about pretend zombies than being single? That says sad things about our society, imo.

But I also just joined the Women's Blogger Directory, which is awesome. Come play with us this week, ladies!!



Because finance is a big weight on a lot of people's minds these days, I'm going to write up a list of why it's awesome to be a single financially minded person:

• Taxes for one, soooo simple (in the USA, at least). We can file them online now!
• Budgeting for one, also very simple. If something doesn't work in the budget, there's only one person to investigate.
  
• Food shopping and home cooking, a large part of budgeting, is much easier. If you are a picky eater, you'll get exactly what you want every time. If you aren't, you never have to deal with another picky eater ;-)
• I have no joint bank accounts, so I know exactly where my $$ is and who is using it at any given time.
• Credit reports, also super simple.
• Need to move-house for work? No problem! It's your household, take it wherever you want.
  
• Got offered a super traveling job? Hey, you are foot loose and fancy free, it's a perfect combination for professional travelers.

I got more interested in budgeting and finance last summer, just before the economy started going haywire, and before I started actively looking to buy a home. From what I've seen, nobody needs to buy books about saving money ever again. It's ALL on the internet.

Budgets are Sexy is my favorite finance blog. He's married, but I don't hold that against him ;-) There is plenty of instruction and insight on budgeting-for-one on his site, and tons of article round-ups and links to other blogs.

The Dangling Conversation is blogged by a friend of mine, who spent many years climbing out of debt. She's had many bad experiences and many good insights, and is almost debt free now! Yay!

Debt Free Saver is another friend, trying to balance life, school, demanding kitteh, and cash. Also has good tips on budgeting, shopping, and bartering!

(I used to have all of these blogs linked on my side bar, but I went to the fancy blog look and lost that bar :-/ I'm thinking of going back to the old look. Less flashy, but more informative.)


One piece of advice I have for would-be-budgeters is to track all your purchases for a month or two *before* you try and budget. It will give you a better sense of what you already like to do with your money, and where corners can be cut. Especially in the grey areas between what count as "essential" and "non-essential" expenses. I don't need cable, but I do need air conditioning.

A friend of mine often worries that she spends too much money on eating out, but it's also her primary social outlet. I don't think it's a bad idea to budget ahead for expenses like that instead of cutting them out entirely. Friends and fun are essential too ;-)

Personally, I cut my late-night-out expenses in half when I gave up alcohol. Now I can spend $$ on taking a cab ride home instead, yay!

<3 Sassy

In which the author is extremely geeky.

As my real life is stalled out while I wait for a co-op closing date to get scheduled, I will now comfort myself in a little fantasy world full of strange tv shows and movies. Hooray!!


First, ZOMG NEW RED DWARF EPISODES!!!!! I met Robert Llewellyn, who plays Kryten, at Dragon Con 2008. I totally fangirled out and embarassed myself, but he's a very friendly person. He mentioned this at the Red Dwarf panel. At that point it was still in the "Maybe... We think so?" stages.


Second, I am starting to plan for DragonCon 2009. It's Labor Day Weekend, and I'm starting to plan in January. If you think this sounds odd, you've never been to DragonCon. It's a geek bachanalia. Four straight days of Nerdvana. The main hotels are already sold out!


Third, Edgar Wright, who directed Spaced, Shaun of the Dead, and Hot Fuzz, is working on his next film Scott Pigrim Vs. The World. I've never read the Scott Pigrim comic books, but the director's blog photos suggest he's researching a lot of kung fu and teenage romance movies. I am intrigued. I just wish he had a proper blog that wasn't on Myspace.


Fourth, season/series six of Doctor Who is shaping up to be ... different. David Tennant is definitely leaving this time, which is extra annoying, because the producers shortened series five specifically so he could stay on the show. I don't have much info on the boy they have for Doc #11, and I'm very disappointed it isn't the awesome Paterson Joseph.

I also wonder how Stephen Moffat is going to put his own mark on the Doctor Who franchise as he takes over for Russle T. Davies. Based on his earlier works (previous DW episodes and the BBC series Coupling) I have this theory:

The companion will be pretty, blonde, and blue eyed, and be totally into other women. The young looking new Doctor will turn emo because for once HE is chasing the companion. *Doctor Angst!* The episode where the companion gets the most female-on-female action in the series will be called "Inferno."

Coupling is a hillarious alternative to the American show Friends, but Moffett isn't great at writing female characters. A typical Moffat DW episode consists of a new, better female companion for the Doc, which makes the established companion very whiny. Except for "The Doctor Dances," where Captain Jack makes sure to seduce Rose and the Doc so nobody feels left out.


And now for the sad nerd news, at least for my NYC people, Kim's Video may be closing it's doors. I've heard rumors that it's moving, but it's really the last wacky video store/rental left in the East Village. The Powers That Be are slowly but surely turning St. Marks into a strip mall :-(


Geek on, my friends. And don't forget to sign up for the Singles Awareness Week Blogathon!

21st Century Celibacy

I've mentioned before that my Spinster Agenda isn't to make everyone live the way I do. It's about getting people to be happy with their own lives, and inciting them to make life decisions based on what THEY want.

Today on C&D, Why Celibacy Is Better Than Sex is a good read. Not all women have the same emotional connections or reactions to sex. But this is a GREAT example of someone making up their own damn mind in the middle of a culture that sends tons of mixed messages. She is rockin' her freedom of choice, and not whining about what she doesn't have.

I mean, seriously. "The Media" sends us eight bajillion messages a day that not only should we be having tons of sex, we should equate our sex life to a dish washer. And then we should go buy the dish washer. On another side, there are more than a few spiritual crusades going on against premarital sex, and blaming it for many of the world's failings.

I've also heard this referred to as Second Virginity, and sometimes it's an entirely secular decision. Sadly, I couldn't find the article where I first read about this idea.

Luv,
Sassy


PS, C&D is a mixed bag of a blog. I read their book, Style Statement, and it was great! Very inspirational along the lines of making your own life (and style) decisions, and it struck a chord with my somewhat holistic personal philosophies. Buying a new pair of shoes or a couch won't change your life, but having a home that you really enjoy can't hurt.

But nowadays about 60% of their blog content is split between children/husband/finding a boyfriend. Not so much my thing. 20% is diet & exercise, and another 10% is "Buy this!" Occasionally there's a thought provoking gem, or advice about playing with your personal style statement. But the book is sooo much fun :-).