Making Space

Possibilities & The Divine Law of The Ugly Chair

Letting go makes way for something closer to your truth…which is always more beautiful. Always.

Making space signals the universe that you’re ready for ideal…or at the very least, much improved.

Making space expands your being and clarifies (and dare I say, actually minimizes) your needs.

This a good parable for why I'm giving up boy-chasing for seven weeks. Just giving myself more space to be awesome!

Danielle Laporte also co-wrote the book Style Statement, which was fun and helpful for me at that time in my life. Both with my internal quests and looking for paint colors for my new place ;-)

The Latest Links

Despite my extended break from blogging, I have found things both awe and ire inspiring all over the interwebs :-)

Imaginary Bitches on Youtube! A woman who is the last single girl in her group of friends suddenly develops a pair of imaginary friends. Friends who are total bitches. Awesome hijinks ensue. Totally free to watch this online tv show, but I wish they'd get on with season 2.

The Technique of the Love Affair. A romance self-help book penned in the 1920s, reprinted with commentary. It's a super interesting read if you are a student of history and feminism, or have a Machiavellian view on relationships. And the more things change, the more they seem to stay the same...

Rape Culture and Road Rage, on Livejournal. A conversation about rape culture, and how baby steps can go a long way towards dismantling it.

Contrary to the Myth, Abortion is NOT the Most Controversial "Choice" Issue: Words of Caution for Elena Kagan Yet another double standard. Western culture still doesn't know how to deal with women (single or otherwise) who don't want to have children.

No More Sex in the City: NYC women are going celibate - and they feel happier than ever. Um... This article has some interesting points, but is annoying overall. I don't like the NY Post's point of view that all women in their 20s will eagerly hook up with someone they met on the subway. And how two weeks without sex is some enormous personal achievement. And the last line, “But I think it’s harder to not have sex than to have sex.” Speak for yourself.

For the record, I'm not celibate, I just have standards. And so do most women in NYC. Like a friend of mine replied on Facebook, "Not having sex or a relationship is not some horrible fate that bad sex and bad relationships will somehow improve upon." Srsly.


And because 'tis the season, Doctor Who - Tenth Doctor: The Musical. No time for boys right now, it's Doctor Who season!! I'm loving Doc 11, but I am still not impressed with Moffat's ability to write female characters.

My D0rk Mistress

After months and months of real estate woe, my social life finally opened up again. I didn't have any classes or fand0m activities to take up my time either. For the first time in years I could just go out and have fun with my friends.

Except now my friends are all busy.

And now the Forbidden Shelf of my bookcase keeps leering at me:



Stacks of rpg manuals. They look so lonely.


On one hand, I miss being an active nerd. I have no fanclubs or larps to run anymore, no stage-combat performances to work on, no costumes to sew. And I don't really miss those past times very much.

On the other hand I've been off the RPG scene for so long I wouldn't know a d20 from a d12. Most of my game-running skills are larp based, so I would need to play for a while to get my role playing legs back in shape.

Oh, wait, my friends are all too busy to run campaigns. *headdesk*


I don't believe that all people need romantic relationships in their lives, but even the most antisocial subjects need some sense of community. And much as I like keeping up with friends online, I miss the old gaming sessions of my college years. Also, I think the Deleria book is whispering to me in my sleep. Damn you Phil Brucato, and your pretty games.


On the up-side, my plans for Dragon Con are coming together :-D Maybe I can put some new costumes together, and the drone of my new sewing machine will drown out the siren song of the Forbidden Shelf.

Spin-ster

I was introduced to the book "Against Love" a long time ago. And completely forgot about it until a friend of mine picked it up a few months later. This friend was inspired to fill her mp3 player with songs void of romantic sentiments. Mysteriously, her occasional moody days decreased in number and severity.

So I tried the romance-less playlist too. Even at the research stage I noticed about 99% of popular music is romance-inspired. Hooking up, breaking up, making up, yikes! No wonder people get so depressed when they're single. Western civilization never ceases to amaze and annoy me.


Here is a sampling of what I listen to on my daily commute:


Made to Heal - Our Lady Peace
If you Believe - Our Lady Peace
Still - Alanis Morisette
Crazy - Alanis Morisette (Seal cover)
Wunderkind - Alanis Morisette
Birthday - The Cruxshadows
Windbringer - The Cruxshadows
Spring Ahead, Fall Back - Scott Helland
Rocky Road to Dublin - Dropkick Murphys
Intercede Light - Iris
Let the Bells Ring - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Low Room - Peter Murphy
Gamble Gold (Robin Hood) - Steeleye Span
July, July! - The Decemberists
Feign Amnesia - They Might Be Giants
Midnight Radio - Hedwig and the Angry Inch
Tear Me Down - Hedwig and the Angry Inch
Freaks - Hedwig and the Angry Inch
Skating Away on the Thin Ice of a New Day - Jethro Tull
Spanish Bombs - The Clash
All Souls Night - Loreena McKennitt
Starseed - Our Lady Peace
Dig, Lazarus, Dig!! - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Ringing of Revolution - Phil Ochs
I ain't marching anymore - Phil Ochs
Lets Get This Party Started - Pink
God is a DJ - Pink
Warlocks - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Make you feel better - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Experimental Film - They Might Be Giants
I will Follow - U2
Come Sweet Death - Voltaire
Kingdom - VNV Nation
Along comes Mary - The Association
Dancing with Myself - Billy Idol
The Reels - Black 47
Clocks - Coldplay
Never Let Me Down AGain - Depeche Mode
Sultans of Swing - Dire Straights
Floaty - Foo Fighters
American Idiot - Green Day
I Wish You Were Here - Incubus
Lady Vagabond - S.J. Tucker
Alligator in the House - S.J. Tucker
Teacher - Jethro Tull
The Middle - Jimmy Eat World
Simple Creed - Live
Southside - Moby + Gwen
No One Knows My Plan - TMBG
Hundred Mile City - Ocean Colour Scene
Cuts you up - Peter Murphy
Final Solution - Peter Murphy
U + Ur Hand - Pink
Can't Stop - RHCP
In the House of Mama Dragon - S.J. Tucker
Crystal CAve - S.J. Tucker
East - Cruxshadows
Flame - Cruxshadows
Dominion/Mother Russia - Sisters of Mercy
This Corrosion - Sisters of Mercy
Birdhouse in Your Soul - TMBG
Beautiful Day - U2
By the Way - RHCP
In the House of Mama Dragon - S.J. Tucker
Crystal CAve - S.J. Tucker
Mummy Medusa - S.J. Tucker


That's an interesting cross-section.

What about you, fellow bloggers?

Apocalypse Me.

When I was in high school, I had tons of dreams about apocalypses (apocalypsi?). It was a different scenario every time, so I wasn't worried about it being prophetic. I always survived with the people in the dream that I liked to build a new world. Metaphorically speaking, my subconscious totally backed me up on getting out of suburban NJ. When I went to NYU the world stopped ending in my dreams, probably because I was rebuilding my life within a place and a people I liked.

Years later I'm still very affected by apocalypse fiction. There was an NYC Radio Theater production of War of the Worlds that moved me to tears. Promethea* was made of awesome and reflects how I think of "apocalypse," after studying mysticism at NYU. It's not a disaster, but a great revelation at the end of an era:

Rejoice. Your world is ended. The beliefs whereupon it was founded turn to air before the quantum scrutiny of your new science; were never truly there. Time's jail-yards are unlocked, the prison of material ambition that reduced you now demolished. Rejoice. Return now to your separate moments, selves, and rooms, and know that separation for ILLUSION. Know that you were one, were here, and in eternity are here forever. Here, where sudden firelight in your soul startled you from your worldly slumber. Stay awake.

Promethea, book 5.


And then there was last week.


Monday a blogger I read started a new short fiction blog called Apocalypse Daily, within the obvious theme.

Tuesday held another episode of The End of the World at UCB theater. It's a limited engagement improv show for the month of June, very fun so far.

Wednesday I went to an awesome Fantastic Fiction nite at KGB, where Brian Francis Slattery read/sang excerpts of his book Liberation: Being the Adventures of the Slick Six After the Collapse of the United States of America backed up by his own bluegrass band. This is the only recording of it so far, and I'm sad I didn't bring my own sneaky recording device. (And this is what the band looked like with better lighting, for reference) It was absolutely magical.

Friday, XKCD puts in a witty two cents, tho the punchline only really makes sense if you work in mathematics and/or academia (like me).


I wouldn't say I believe in Synchronicity per se. I look at the other way around: what you put out into the universe, it sometimes returns in kind or in synch. Reminding you of your own choices and plans, and things that need to be changed or finished.

So what exactly am I doing or creating to attract apocalypsi NOW?



*If anyone ever tries to make Promethea into a movie, I will handcuff myself to relevant office furniture in Hollywood until they stop. Unfortunately, I don't think Moore has control over that book anymore.

Save Our Cat!

So remember that book I raved about a few days ago? The author is in some financial trouble, like so many indie artists and writers right now.

But her cult of loyal fans have banded together to help, and it's super heart warming:


Help Catherynne M. Valente


There are instructions on where to buy her awesome e-books, information on a serialized novel (that cameos in Palimpsest, yay), more of her projects, and a smorgasbord of goods and services for auction from her cult/army of artists. Jewelry, crafts, offerings from other indie writers, all full of awesome.

What's the best way to help any writer or artist? BUY THEIR STUFF.

If you are a professional artisan, see my appeal to professionals here on my jewelry blog. I don't cross-post these blogs often. This is a special case.

Go forth, feel the love, spread the word. Save our Cat!

An oddity locked away somewhere safe ...

Awesome new song from S.J. Tucker!



It probably makes a lot more sense if you've read the novel Palimpsest by Catherynne M. Valente (and why haven't you yet?), but I think it stands well on its own :-) I can definitely relate.


Palimpsest is a sexually transmitted dream city full of wonder and ritual. If you've been there you develop a mark on your skin like a tattoo- a small neighborhood map from the city. If you want to get back, you sleep with someone else who has the tattoo. And the city aims to please the souls that love it. A small community of people scattered all over the world spend their nights there as often as possible, most trying to figure out how to emigrate permanently. Persons on both sides of the divide have their own ideas about that...

The myth-punk and surrealism is close to the authors' earlier books (The Labyrinth, The Grass Cutting Sword, and others). She weaves the stories of four different "immigrants" and the city together, similar to her previous book The Orphans Tales, but not in such a septuple-helix-oh-god-get-me-cards-and-string way. I loved both, btw ;-)

Also, sex on the wholesale. With flavours of polyamory and BDSM for good measure. Not a kid friendly book.

Probably not the most eloquent review it's had so far, but it's mine :-)


As for Spinster-ism, there is at least one in the book until she falls in love with the city, it's Matriarch, and it's bees. The book doesn't support singleness as the perfect state, but it is in no way a limited view of love and relationships. Another girl falls in love with a train. Yay for the surreal :-)

I.Q. Must Be This High to Ride

I've been thinking on it for quite some time, but kept forgetting I have a blog for this! Duh!

I've heard a lot of people say over the years, men and women, that they want a partner who is "smart." Then I look at how they treat smart people, and/or who they actually go out with, and am confused.

Perhaps more accurate would be, "I'm looking for someone pretty, who is as smart as I am."

Personally, I've been turned on by the brainpower in not-classically-attractive guys, and turned off by the dumb in pretty guys. It may stem from my need to be amused more or less constantly, so I also gravitate towards people who are smarter or wittier than myself. At least I perceive them to be.


Add a dash of geekiness and this leads to amusing moments. Was hanging out at a friend's party, generally chatting with an increasing circle of nerd boys. And not bad ones, either. Suddenly, during a discussion of Lovecraft, one exclaimed:

"I'm, like, an expert on all things Cthulu!"

*Sassy blinks* "Which in total constitutes one short story, where a guy has a dream, carves a sculpture, and then gets shived?"

NERD PENALTY!

Though seriously, Cthulu gets a lot of play for an Elder God only indirectly referenced in 16 pages. How does that qualify him for his own RPG system? I like "The Dreams in the Witch House" better so far ;-)

Whups, my geek is showing. And I'm probably still high on cold meds. This train of thought will probably make a lot less sense tomorrow.


Do you like your "marks" to have teh smart, or teh dumb?

Returned and Renewed

Settling into the new place took a bit more time and energy than I expected, and then I started working on beady bizness stuff, and I lost track of my "Yay Single" blogging habits. Sorry peoples! On the up-side, my new apartment is now absolutely awesome.

I decided to look for relevant articles and books to link, to jump start my habit without having to think too hard today. And then I struck gold!


Quirkyalone, singular insights on life and love. Where have you BEEN all my life?!?!


An exerpt from the article/manifesto that started it all,
People Like Us: The Quirkyalones:

Better to be untethered and open to possibility: living for the exhilaration of meeting someone new, of not knowing what the night will bring. We quirkyalones seek momentous meetings.

By the same token, being alone is understood as a wellspring of feeling and experience. There is a bittersweet fondness for silence. All those nights alone—they bring insight.

Sometimes, though, we wonder whether we have painted ourselves into a corner. Standards that started out high only become higher once you realize the contours of this existence. When we do find a match, we verge on obsessive—or we resist.

And so, a community of like-minded souls is essential.

I can't begin to explain how much this hits home for me. The desire to be spontaneous, not settling for the sake of coupledom, and the strange balance of companionship and loneliness. I think I've finally found a weird lifestyle moniker to cling to. Yay!

Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics is the resulting book, still available at Amazon.

I even took the online quiz,
Your score was 102. Very quirkyalone:
Relatives may give you quizzical looks, and so may friends, but you know in your heart of hearts that you are following your inner voice. Though you may not be romancing a single person, you are romancing the world.


Yay, I've found a home on teh interwebs :-D

Hiatus + Adventures

Hey peeps, I'm sorry I've been off the air for a few weeks. This month I closed on my new co-op apartment, and now I'm in the middle of renovations and moving. And unfortunately real life wins out over blogging... for now...

Some fun things are happening, too (or I'd just explode). Tomorrow I'm off to join the Palimpsest train tour, and if all goes well I'll have plenty of tales and photos to share! W00t! Palimpsest is a really fun book. Not quite in the vein of what I'm trying to do here by fleshing out a Singles Agenda, but I may do a proper review later. I was vendor-ing with my jewelry biz at their book launch party/concert in Brooklyn a few weeks ago, it was ... beyond.

After I get back on Monday, I have more last minute packing to do, and then I move on Thursday and Friday. I may not be back and active on the blogosphere until April, and the first weekend of April is ICON (just as a fan girl, not a vendor ;-)

So the next few weeks will be CRAZY, and my internet presence will be inconsistent for a while. But expect tons of photos sometime in April, possibly all at once. New Orleans, Chicago, ICON, and the new apartment.

See you on the other side!

21st Century Celibacy

I've mentioned before that my Spinster Agenda isn't to make everyone live the way I do. It's about getting people to be happy with their own lives, and inciting them to make life decisions based on what THEY want.

Today on C&D, Why Celibacy Is Better Than Sex is a good read. Not all women have the same emotional connections or reactions to sex. But this is a GREAT example of someone making up their own damn mind in the middle of a culture that sends tons of mixed messages. She is rockin' her freedom of choice, and not whining about what she doesn't have.

I mean, seriously. "The Media" sends us eight bajillion messages a day that not only should we be having tons of sex, we should equate our sex life to a dish washer. And then we should go buy the dish washer. On another side, there are more than a few spiritual crusades going on against premarital sex, and blaming it for many of the world's failings.

I've also heard this referred to as Second Virginity, and sometimes it's an entirely secular decision. Sadly, I couldn't find the article where I first read about this idea.

Luv,
Sassy


PS, C&D is a mixed bag of a blog. I read their book, Style Statement, and it was great! Very inspirational along the lines of making your own life (and style) decisions, and it struck a chord with my somewhat holistic personal philosophies. Buying a new pair of shoes or a couch won't change your life, but having a home that you really enjoy can't hurt.

But nowadays about 60% of their blog content is split between children/husband/finding a boyfriend. Not so much my thing. 20% is diet & exercise, and another 10% is "Buy this!" Occasionally there's a thought provoking gem, or advice about playing with your personal style statement. But the book is sooo much fun :-).

THE ROMATRIX HAS YOU NEO

Still working on the book Against Love: A Polemic by Laura Kipnis. It is interesting, but a little dry. A very good read if you remember reading Nietzsche and Freud in college, and probably even better if you studied some political science. The author says up front that the point is not to convince the readers, or herself, of one point or another. In her own words:

A polemic is designed to be the prose equivalent of a small explosive device placed under your E-Z-Boy lounger. It won't injure you (well, not severely); it's just supposed to shake things up and rattle a few convictions.

Her book focuses on romantic love (not family or friendship so far) and how obsessed our society is about pursuing and maintaining romance. Love at any cost. It's almost like this drive is programmed into our psyches, and the structures we build around us, as deeply as all the instincts that rail against commitment and domesticity.


So as soon as I thought of "programming" I realized...

Romance is like the Matrix. It's not something that we really need to survive, and history shows we didn't consider needing it until relatively recently (19th Century, similar to when romance novels gained popularity). Before that time it was an amusing or entertaining concept in contemporary fiction, but marriage and domesticity had their own mutually exclusive place in the real world. Romance happened outside of marriage, for the most part.

Western culture is now hopelessly dependent on the Matrix- no wait, I mean Romance. The desire for Romance evolved over the years, resulting in a strange social slavery where pleasure becomes very hard work to maintain (domesticity). This slavery is even endorsed and registered with the state (marriage). We have internalized the system so much that people who are not currently eligible for this sort of slavery are fighting to get it (gay marriage).

But no matter how hard the work is, we don't think for a moment of living without it. Potential separation from the Romance system causes great fear and anxiety, and people put in a ton of work to either stay in the system (unhappy, codependent relationships) or try and get hooked up (the billion dollar match-making industry). We are so convinced that we cannot live without Romance that we never question if : 1 + 1 = 1? Anyone who does not fit into the system, willingly or otherwise, is persecuted or coerced into finding Romance.


It's a fun metaphor to play with, but NOT 100% accurate. There are unhappy, passive aggressive people in all kinds of situations that like bringing other people down, and Romance is just one system.

On the other hand, I know lots of happy people "hooked up" to the system. They don't patronize me for being single. They respect and support my decisions as much as I do theirs, and are very secure about themselves and their lifestyles. They see their friends as whole individual people, and not halves of a Romance-unit.

Some people fall in love because they just do, not due to psychological programming. And many people are secure enough to accept when a romance is over- without sending an agent in a black suit to terrorize their mate.