Thursday, November 27, 2008

Giving thanks for a single life.

So it's Thanksgiving. Turkey. Family. Watching Macy's on TV, and then barreling into your local Macy's the next day.

Different families behave in different ways, and "good" and "bad" are mostly based on our points of view.

However, the least helpful question that a Spinster can get during the holidays is probably:

"So, when can we expect to see you married?"

Whether you are barely making ends meet in your half of a shared studio with a cafe job, or making billions of dollars at a 24/7 career that takes you to Japan every third Monday, there may be something amiss. You haven't invited your extended family to a big wedding with an open bar, or added to the pile of children screeching and wrestling on the living room floor.

One year, my aunt was (justifiably) bragging about her adorable grandchildren, and Mom began to simper and imply that she'd like some too. I suddenly sat up, eyes wide with pleasant suprise, and exclaimed:

"Wait, so you want me to do the kids thing, but not the husband thing? OK, cool, I'll keep that in mind!"

Never spoken of since. Win!

This week, I am thankful that I get a quiet three day weekend of food and low key family time (if I am lucky), and playtime with the family cat. When I get home, I will have a mountain of leftovers in my fridge, a nice apartment, a job to resume on Monday, and all the pumpkin pie to myself. Unless I invite some friends over to eat it with me, like I did last year. And that's a pretty good life :-)

How do you deflect/disarm such questions? Do Bachelors get the same hassling that Spinsters do?


debtfreesaver said...

Believe me, it is not better when you have a boyfriend. Because then random aunts of his will be asking about babies, hypothetically. And people will ask you if & when you are getting married and blah blah blah. If you are single, at least some people think there is some tact in not bringing it up, or you can make them drop the babies issue.

alicatstrut said...

Ugh, people ask us attached people all the time. The minute you're married, out of nowhere, the baby talk starts and it's pretty much a 24/7 hassle. I've started mentioning that I keep a steady supply of hangers available and I'd sooner use them than have a child. That *really* shuts people up. I've also started oohing and aahing at little baby clothes in front of offending parties (usually too old to have babies) and suggesting that they have babies so I can buy outfits for them. Highly embarrassing and works wonders. If strangers ask me, I plan to give dark, moody looks that imply I tried and had a miscarriage or some such thing. I know a miscarriage is very serious but, seriously, my reproductive decisions are my own and they're private.

I haven't ever been hassled about being single, but I imagine I would say something about how attractive I found someone's spouse if he or she said something like that to me.

John said...

As a long time single male, mostly from choice, yes I get hassle off both my parents and other people regarding dating and kids, neither at this time are an opinion I wish to explore.