Thursday, November 27, 2008

Giving thanks for a single life.

So it's Thanksgiving. Turkey. Family. Watching Macy's on TV, and then barreling into your local Macy's the next day.

Different families behave in different ways, and "good" and "bad" are mostly based on our points of view.

However, the least helpful question that a Spinster can get during the holidays is probably:

"So, when can we expect to see you married?"

Whether you are barely making ends meet in your half of a shared studio with a cafe job, or making billions of dollars at a 24/7 career that takes you to Japan every third Monday, there may be something amiss. You haven't invited your extended family to a big wedding with an open bar, or added to the pile of children screeching and wrestling on the living room floor.

One year, my aunt was (justifiably) bragging about her adorable grandchildren, and Mom began to simper and imply that she'd like some too. I suddenly sat up, eyes wide with pleasant suprise, and exclaimed:

"Wait, so you want me to do the kids thing, but not the husband thing? OK, cool, I'll keep that in mind!"

Never spoken of since. Win!

This week, I am thankful that I get a quiet three day weekend of food and low key family time (if I am lucky), and playtime with the family cat. When I get home, I will have a mountain of leftovers in my fridge, a nice apartment, a job to resume on Monday, and all the pumpkin pie to myself. Unless I invite some friends over to eat it with me, like I did last year. And that's a pretty good life :-)

How do you deflect/disarm such questions? Do Bachelors get the same hassling that Spinsters do?

Friday, November 21, 2008

These Dreams

Last night I had a dream about a guy I met in passing a couple of years back, and fancied just a bit. In the dream, We were out on a rather surreal date, made out on a couch, woke up the next morning still in the club, and he vaguely muttered something as he walked out to catch a cab. I ran into some friends, and explained that I'd call him in a couple days, although he probably wasn't that interested, but that was no prob.

That's a far cry from how I've behaved in real life, not with this guy, but with other guys. A random make-out scene followed by me worrying and wondering whether it will go any further after that. It usually doesn't, and then I end up listening to a lot of whiny music for weeks on end.

I like make-out dreams. Make-out dreams that reflect what I want to be emotionally are extra fun :-)

Have a fun weekend!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Gimme Shelter

I am currently in the midst of purchasing a co-op in Queens, NY. Is much more complicated than I was initially led to believe, but it's still moving forward. Will describe the process at length, later.

A few months ago, a friend asked for some advice on looking for a new rental apartment, and I sent her a long list of "Do's" and "Do Not's" which was ... comprehensive, but not very well organized. Am working on editing that so it makes more sense.

Overall, shelter is one of the necessities of human life, IMO. Far more than candle lit dinners, diamond engagement rings, and bouquets of flowers. There was a point in my life where I finally decided to work on what I had (an OK apartment) and not mull over what I did not (an s.o.).

Since that moment, I have become a frequent celebrator of DISCARDIA, started to read the blog Unclutterer on a daily basis, and borrowed several of my Mother's books on organization and decorating.

Now I'm working on purchasing a co-op that is smaller than my current apartment. After purging mountains of unused clothing, furniture, and junk from my house, and mulling over what necessities my current apartment lacks, I've come to terms with that. Bigger does not mean better, and this lesson is being hammered home to many Americans in many different ways this year.

I ran into an old friend a few weeks ago, and told her I was co-op hunting. "Oh really! With who?" she asked, innocently.

I was more amused than annoyed, but I'm pretty sure that's the default thought. Most people don't purchase a home by themselves, most don't even rent alone in NYC, which I've already done for 3.5 years. A few others suggested, helpfully, that I may not want to purchase a place until my life was settled with someone, because singleness can change at any moment. But in that case, so can relationship-ness.

Right now I'm in a rather stable place, as far as my job and finances are concerned (knock on wood) in this buyer's market, and there really isn't any beau on the horizon. Even if there was, I am slow to act and it would be quite a long time until the cohabitation stage. Most persons suggest that you should only plan to buy a home if you can imagine/plan on living there for 5 years minimum. I'm pretty sure that works for my sitch. And if something changes, I can sublet this apartment after two years.

Also, the place I'm looking at has concrete floors and ceilings, which means I can make a LOT more noise on the rare occasion that I bring a boy home with me. Yay! Right now my landlord lives directly above me in a rickety pre-war split house. I usually turn on the music really loud...

Have you ever bought a home on your own, or with someone that wasn't your lover/partner/ball-n-chain?

Soul Mates and Zodiac Attacks

So, here's one of many confessions- I am addicted to astrology.

I don't want to be, but I fell into the habit when I was ten years old, and have not yet been able to shake it.

On one hand it is interesting, insightful, sometimes romantic. On the other, I chafe against the notion that my destiny is molded or controlled by points of light in the sky. If a zodiac profile (as simple as a horoscope or as detailed as a natal chart) sentences a person to being nasty and miserable for the rest of their lives, what is the point of living that life? People have the right and freedom to "change their stars" in my mind.

But that's beside the point nestled in my grey matter today.

Looking over most horoscopes, they automatically assume you are looking for a romantic partner, a "soul mate" of sorts. Why? Is it because the people that tend to read horoscopes are persons who constantly seek justification and approval outside of themselves? Whether it's an s.o., or a random astrology writer they've never even met?

Why does a soul mate need to be a romantic partner? Can't it just be a person, or a group of people, that you feel really *click* with you? That you share a deeper emotional and spiritual understanding with? Could it be an antagonist? Soul mates as a pair of people that frequently clash and despise each other, yet cause each other to grow and develop during the fight?

Have you ever had a soul mate? Or more than one?

PS, The main horoscope that I still read, because I am an addict, is Free Will Astrology. The author is a delightful online trickster, and his weekly guides are not the usual nonsense of "boyfriends" and "Mercury in retrograde."

Thursday, November 13, 2008

A Kink in Our Think

On the other side of the spectrum, skinny and underweight friends of mine have had it with being accused of eating disorders.

Body- and self-image are very confusing subjects in this country. Our bodies are supposed to look like those we see on movie screens and magazine covers. We cannot perfect our "self" unless we have a second special someone in our lives. We are encouraged to think that without the perfect body we cannot attract the perfect mate, and we will be lonely and miserable and imperfect for the rest of our lives.

Um... NO?

I'm around 1XL depending on what store I visit. I've been loved and adored by friends and "special someones" while ten pounds heavier and ten pounds lighter. I love getting fine chocolates on Singles Awareness Day (Feb. 14). Fashion designers and clothing stores don't love me quite so much, and I'm still trying to figure out why...

How about you?