Don't Pity the Spinsters ;-)

My friend emailed me about this awesome article:
Don't Pity the Spinsters

Yay! It it so awesome to see women taking care of themselves, and their own. In a large swath of our society women are supposed to take care of themselves last. Supposedly a man is also supposed to take care of her, and children are supposed to be grateful and respectful, but when that fails the wife/mother has to pick up the slack anyway.

I agree with the author that if a person has found a partner that truly works and cares in equal amounts, awesome! Unfortunately, lots of people have a hard time distinguishing the differences between a partner and a parasite. Both men and women need to watch out for social/emotional/economic parasites. But when society still tells us we need to get hitched, this can get confusing and depressing.

I really like my life, I take care of myself :-). Well... I'm getting there. At least I have the time and space to listen to myself and fix my problems. It actually saves a lot of time and energy when you're not waiting for someone else to fix things for you.

Some people have not been supportive about this path I'm on. My friends and this author have similar stories. I still think that kind of nastiness stems from insecurity, that weird unhealthy need for people to tear others down. Especially when different choices lead to less miserable outcomes. Insecurity leads to the Romatrix, Neo.


While lurking, I found another article from Charleston that I liked:
A Home of One's Own

After my own real estate adventures, I'm still not quite ready to post advice on it. But I will someday. I totally know where this lady's been, although my situations and plans are a little different. Real estate makes ya crazy.


Now I'm leaving work to hang out with writers, bohemians, and crazy types ON A BOAT!

I.Q. Must Be This High to Ride

I've been thinking on it for quite some time, but kept forgetting I have a blog for this! Duh!

I've heard a lot of people say over the years, men and women, that they want a partner who is "smart." Then I look at how they treat smart people, and/or who they actually go out with, and am confused.

Perhaps more accurate would be, "I'm looking for someone pretty, who is as smart as I am."

Personally, I've been turned on by the brainpower in not-classically-attractive guys, and turned off by the dumb in pretty guys. It may stem from my need to be amused more or less constantly, so I also gravitate towards people who are smarter or wittier than myself. At least I perceive them to be.


Add a dash of geekiness and this leads to amusing moments. Was hanging out at a friend's party, generally chatting with an increasing circle of nerd boys. And not bad ones, either. Suddenly, during a discussion of Lovecraft, one exclaimed:

"I'm, like, an expert on all things Cthulu!"

*Sassy blinks* "Which in total constitutes one short story, where a guy has a dream, carves a sculpture, and then gets shived?"

NERD PENALTY!

Though seriously, Cthulu gets a lot of play for an Elder God only indirectly referenced in 16 pages. How does that qualify him for his own RPG system? I like "The Dreams in the Witch House" better so far ;-)

Whups, my geek is showing. And I'm probably still high on cold meds. This train of thought will probably make a lot less sense tomorrow.


Do you like your "marks" to have teh smart, or teh dumb?

If I could turn back time...

Right now I'm home sick with Captain Tripps :-P. Am pretty sure it's not the swine flu, but I still hate being sick.


If I wasn't quite so addled on cold meds, I might try and take part in this, but for now I'll just post about how awesome it is:

Lessons for Girls

Much savvier lady bloggers than I expounding on lessons they wish they'd learned before they grew up. Hopefully to help influence a new generation of highly awesome women.

The part that struck home for me was this from Lesson 8 "You don't have to be a mom," although not strictly in the vein of reproductive rights:

As a child, I recall adults asking my brother what he wanted to be when he grew up, listening to him sagely, then turning to me and flatly declaring, “I know what you want to be: a MOMMY!” And when I denied this desire, I have always been told, with a patronizing “what-a-silly-girl!” smile, “Oh, you’ll change your mind!” I was told I would change my mind when I grew up; then I was told I would change my mind when I met the right man; then, that I would change my mind when I settled down; that I would change my mind overnight when my “biological clock” suddenly started ticking; that I would change my mind when my friends had babies; even that I would change my mind after I had tenure. When confident assertions of my hidden maternal nature proved inadequate, the appeals to conscience began. I was told that I must have children for the sake of my future old age, for the sake of the human race, for the sake of perpetuating progressive values, for the sake of passing on my own intelligent genes (this last from my mom).

I got similar reactions from some friends when I started this blog project. And some of them aren't my friends anymore. In this way, I also connect pretty strongly with Lesson 2 "Opting Out."

Feelin' the luv ;-)

Sorry for more delays. I have no excuses. But more and more I'm coming to terms with the awesomeness that is being single in NYC. One day I'll have something clever to say about it ;-)

On Tuesday I also had a birthday, and am now officially in my late-twenties. I'd worry about getting old and wasting my youth but, um, for the most part I'm not really interested in people my own age. At least not those outside of my nerdisms.

This year's birthday goes down as another slice of wonderful. It was pretty small and sedate by comparison to other years, but there was an avalance of internet luv for me on my Facebook and Twitter feeds. I was getting universal hugs even before I got to the party, where I was then showered in chocolate.

Now that other aspects of my life are settled back into normalcy, I'm finding it easier to love again. Trust is moving at a slower pace but still coming together. And because it's all friend luv (not romantic) there isn't any weird drama or tension around it. I don't think I've felt this healthy or secure in... years? Ever?


Many sources speculate that "Love is a many splendored thing." So why don't more people act like it? I don't have a S.O. right now, but that doesn't discount the love I get from friends and family. And just because my typical romantic situation is me + 1 guy, that doesn't make it the norm for everyone.

Wow, my sacarine, let me show you it. I've just got a love hangover today, I'll be back to my usual snarkiness soon ;-)

Returned and Renewed

Settling into the new place took a bit more time and energy than I expected, and then I started working on beady bizness stuff, and I lost track of my "Yay Single" blogging habits. Sorry peoples! On the up-side, my new apartment is now absolutely awesome.

I decided to look for relevant articles and books to link, to jump start my habit without having to think too hard today. And then I struck gold!


Quirkyalone, singular insights on life and love. Where have you BEEN all my life?!?!


An exerpt from the article/manifesto that started it all,
People Like Us: The Quirkyalones:

Better to be untethered and open to possibility: living for the exhilaration of meeting someone new, of not knowing what the night will bring. We quirkyalones seek momentous meetings.

By the same token, being alone is understood as a wellspring of feeling and experience. There is a bittersweet fondness for silence. All those nights alone—they bring insight.

Sometimes, though, we wonder whether we have painted ourselves into a corner. Standards that started out high only become higher once you realize the contours of this existence. When we do find a match, we verge on obsessive—or we resist.

And so, a community of like-minded souls is essential.

I can't begin to explain how much this hits home for me. The desire to be spontaneous, not settling for the sake of coupledom, and the strange balance of companionship and loneliness. I think I've finally found a weird lifestyle moniker to cling to. Yay!

Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics is the resulting book, still available at Amazon.

I even took the online quiz,
Your score was 102. Very quirkyalone:
Relatives may give you quizzical looks, and so may friends, but you know in your heart of hearts that you are following your inner voice. Though you may not be romancing a single person, you are romancing the world.


Yay, I've found a home on teh interwebs :-D

Want commitment? Get a mortgage...

Actually... never mind. Or just avoid BoA. They'll dun ya wrong...



How is a new home like a boyfriend? It eats up All. Your. Time.

I've been out of my normal social loops for weeks now, and spent more of ICON catching up with other NYC friends rather than attending panels. I'm still going to take it easy for April, activity wise, and slowly rebuild my nest while slowly reconnecting with my friends.

I was almost completely unpacked after the first weekend. I really steamed through those boxes. After waiting so long to relocate I had a lot of stress to work off. I have a few baskets full of clutter that I need to organize, store, and/or discard, but for the most part I'm done. Everything else on my to-do list is cosmetic.


The kitchen will have to wait a little while for renovations, because the co-op insists on charging me a $650 fee + $1500 deposit + engineering sketches for "structural" renovations.

"But... kitchen cabinets are cosmetic, not structural. Besides, I want to put up open shelves instead of cabinets."

"No, no there might be stuff UNDER the cabinets!! ZOMG!"

"So do you have an older engineer's sketch that shows whether or not there are wires or pipes right under the cabinets?"

"SHOW ME THE MONEY PUNY TENANT!"

Sigh. And the current cabinets are all moldy. Ick. I've lined them, but I know it's still there :-P


Otherwise, life is good again. Am settled in one place rather than slung between two, and have more time to relax. I'm also working on all the home projects I've had on hold for months. The new place gets direct sunlight, and last week I was able to watch a thunderstorm from my kitchen without fuss. Once it's warm enough, I can watch them from my balcony! Balcony garden? I CAN HAS! Now that my familiar books and possessions are out of their boxes, it's a lot more comfortable. And, um, a lot more cluttered. Photos are a great way of bringing that to attention. I'll work on it.

Patience is a virtue I lost at some point over the last few years, but lately I've worked hard to reclaim it. I'm being as patient as I can with myself in getting my home in order. Trying new things slowly to see what needs fixing. Not to mention re-balancing my finances. There were no breaks during the moving process, but my bank accounts got a little scuffed.

It *is* smaller than where I was renting, but it costs less and I use this space more effectively. But lets see how I feel about that once I start having parties again... Clown car time!!

<3 Sassy

Returned!

I'm back from NoLa, and back from ICON, and mostly settled into my new studio apartment.

Did not perform nearly as many seductions during those trips as I intended, but I was VERY tired from the stuff at home. I've made a good start on re-learning how to flirt, and I very much needed a vacation from everything.

And there are plenty of other pictures to look at while you're waiting for me to write something more coherent :-D

Palimpsest book launch in Brooklyn.

Palimpsest Chicago-New Orleans train trip.

My new home, aka The Chantry :-D

And if any of my fellow Palimpsest citizens want copies of these photos you have two options: a) Get a free Flickr account and download them. b) Email me and I'll send them to you.