Hair Today

Why Can't Middle-Aged Women Have Long Hair?

To some extent I know this pain (in the butt). Spent many years with hair at/past my shoulder blades. Sometimes I had to put my hair up to use the ladies room, it was crazy. Many friends who thought they were helping me with peer pressure to look more like them cut my hair, but it ended up being less kind and more obnoxious.

This spring I got my hair cut and layered out of hairstyle based boredom. Why not? It was still a longer mane, but shoulder length rather than butt length, and it was fun. Of course, a whole other group of friends freaked out about me cutting my epic mane. Some days you just can't win.

Srsly? This is a cosmetic feature. I understand these things can have a sneaky psychological effect on others. But if someone is going to ignore me or look down on me because I have luxuriously long locks, or some other superficial difference from the average person, I think it's more their loss than mine.

Not sure if I'm going back to get another layered haircut. It was cute, but difficult to braid and ended up in my eyes a lot.


A quick tip- putting long hair in a pony tail causes more breaks in the middle of the hair, braiding is better if you want to grow it long. At night, during the day, all the time.

Assuming your hair lets you. Some of my friends have super curly hair that will not concede to be braided. A person's relationship with their hair can be hard enough without outside interference, please keep this in mind if you like to interfere with other people's lives help others.

Nearing the End

The end point of my social experiment with Seven Weeks of Celibacy ends on Halloween this Sunday.

Yay?

I am still mulling over where to go next. Not sure if I'm ready to adopt this as my official lifestyle, but the last few weeks have been unusually clear-minded for me. Aside from a week in September when everyone in NYC seemed to have SAD (or PMS?), the only bad weeks I've had corresponded with backslides into being boy crazy.

Taking this time to refocus, by taking a slash-and-burn approach to my (lack of a) sex life, gave me lots of time and energy to look back on the summer and identify individual aspects of my experience and filter out the ones I truly hated.

For example, hanging around at public events waiting to be noticed, by strangers or known entities? Yuck. I'm not sure what part of my brain fell dormant to think that was a good idea for me (although other people have fun with that, more power to 'em).

Doing unsolicited favors to ingratiate myself to attractive people? Double yuck. One day I'll wax long upon doormat syndrome, to help others avoid my dumb mistakes.

Staying out late in bars trying to be cute or impressive to people, and then being too tired to do things that were actually fun later in the week? Also super dumb. Maybe I temporarily became a pod person.


But not all of my reflections were negative! I seem to have fallen out of interest with fancy clothes and makeup (or just been lazy), but it's fun to dress up when going out with my lady friends to a ritzy place. Reading tarot and listening to people's romantic stories in bars can be fun! Focusing on the actually fun things I wanted to do gave me lots of time and energy to do them, as well as my daily routines. I'm still not against coupling, most apparent when I attended my friends' lovely (nerd!) wedding and was very happy for them :-)

Bottom line, I am not against mating, but I despise the Mating Game. Or a strange self-taught version of the Mating Game that makes me tired and sad. From these observations, I will make a new resolution for the rest of the year.

Now I need to find a new clever catchphrase for the next six to seven weeks of social experimentation :-)

Having a stronger effect on the less informed.

I almost titled this "Having a stronger effect on the weak minded," but I'm of the opinion that mindfulness can be learned, even if it doesn't seem to be someone's natural groove. And it just sounds mean.

Angry/negative people can be bad for your brain.

A TON of this relates to what I've studied with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and NLP. Unhappiness, anger, and anxiety can be contagious. A person can change the quality of emotions in a room/conversation by expressing more positive emotions in their own behavior. If they can accomplish that, their listener(s) respond more positively to arguments or suggestions.

I haven't read about mirror neurons before, but it fits my NLP studies. It also relates to another post I'm working on about creative projects and related social scenes (write, Sassy! WRITE!), will post later.

Furthermore, another possible view on sympathetic magic: "Be the change you want to see in the world." Yay, Ghandi!

Take Back Halloween!

Take Back Halloween: a costume guide for women with imagination!

Not a store, but a page of fun costume ideas and suggestions for people who are bored with pre-packaged spandex "sexy" costumes. Or those who miss the days of building a fun costume out of flannel bedsheets ;-)


OK, I'm actually wearing spandex for my Shadowcat costume this year, but it is normal everyday durable dancer spandex + some Salvation Army finds. And it goes with my boots!

A Monstrous Manifesto

Latest magic just in from Strowlercon (et al), which I hope to attend next year. Sorry guys, my best friend called 10/10/10 for his wedding day long before this came up ;-)

If you are in the Strowlers path, I implore you to attend! Great music, literature, performance, art, and company await you there!



A Monstrous Manifesto
by Catherynne Valente

If you are a monster, stand up.
If you are a monster, a trickster, a fiend,
If you’ve built a steam-powered wishing machine
If you have a secret, a dark past, a scheme,
If you kidnap maidens or dabble in dreams
Come stand by me.

If you have been broken, stand up.
If you have been broken, abandoned, alone
If you have been starving, a creature of bone
If you live in a tower, a dungeon, a throne
If you weep for wanting, to be held, to be known,
Come stand by me.

If you are a savage, stand up.
If you are a witch, a dark queen, a black knight,
If you are a mummer, a pixie, a sprite,
If you are a pirate, a tomcat, a wright,
If you swear by the moon and you fight the hard fight,
Come stand by me.

If you are a devil, stand up.
If you are a villain, a madman, a beast,
If you are a strowler, a prowler, a priest,
If you are a dragon come sit at our feast,
For we all have stripes, and we all have horns,
We all have scales, tails, manes, claws and thorns
And here in the dark is where new worlds are born.
Come stand by me.

Happily Ever After!

Speaking of fairy tales, here's a favorite of mine...

Happily Ever After (The Paperbag Princess)
music by Marc Gunn, words by Marc Gunn & Nancy e. Pearsall

In days that have long since passed,
There lived a fair mahogany lass.
An unmarried and virtuous princess, alas,
She was brave, strong and bold.

Tra la di di hidey ho
Di hidey hey, di hidey ho
Tra la di di hidey ho
Happily ever after.

One morning while riding no guard around,
Armed with sword should trouble abound,
She heard the most horrible sound,
And her nose burned of sulfur.

The sky it darkened, gave her horse a fright.
A dragon swooped as black as night,
Grabbed the princess then out of sight.
Her horse ran frightened home.

The king cried, "All knights be sworn!
Kill the dragon with your swords.
Return me daughter for this reward,
That you may marry her."

The bravest knight in all the realm,
Young, handsome and vain as well
Declared the maid his holy grail
And rode off to rescue her.

The knight he climbed up rugged heights
Snagged a run in his pristine tights
At cavern's shaft, he saw no lights
And heard no sound inside.

The knight called the dragon out.
But only a lady's voice came back.
"I killed the dragon!," the lady shout.
And stepped into the sun.

The princess dressed in scraps of cloth,
Her mahogany hair was all burned off.
A muddy face, the vain knight scoffed,
"Can you clean be for we go?"

The princess still in clothes undone,
Told the knight, "I work alone."
The knight rode lone into the setting sun.
And the princess was happy thereafter.

Tra la di di hidey ho
Di hidey hey, di hidey ho
Tra la di di hidey ho
Happily ever after!

Here's a link to download the song, huzzah!

Week Five: Whups, Wrong Fairytale.

Things go well on Planet Spinster. Cutting back on sugar, packing more home made to-go meals, getting up earlier to arrive at work on time, daily life is made of win. The weather still has me a bit run down but it should pass.

Several improv-seeds that I gradually planted over the last few months sprouted all at once. It looked like too much for one Spinster to juggle. But then I realized, now that I'm going out less I have a lot more time for shows, practices, and planning sessions. I've decided to experiment with making this my social life, rather than the aimless cycle of putting on lipstick and hanging around in bars.


I've stopped using makeup due to sheer laziness. And my skin is a lot clearer than usual. But when I used to put it on before every outing, it was just mascara, eyeshadow, and lipstick, no foundation. Maybe this is just a coincidence. I'll be wearing some makeup for a show I'm in next Friday (so I don't look like a zombie under those dreadful lights), so I can double check that weekend.


A few friends have worried that they have made me uncomfortable in the past with their own boy-chasing habits and chat sessions. Certainly not! I tried it, and I'm glad my friends have fun with it, but it's just not for me. I'm a big supporter of "And it harm none, do what is fun ;-)"


Others have noted, "Once you stop looking for romance, it finds you." In my case this seems to not be true, and that is what keeps my experiment so happily uncomplicated.

The more cynical part of my brain tells me that this is merely a fairy tale. And then the more fanciful mythpunk side retorts that fairy tales are still the templates through which we live our lives. I just want to live in a different story than most other people, even if I'm not sure what that story is yet. Maybe I'm just making it up as I go along, in which case improv is a good skill to work on ;-)