Friday, January 16, 2009

21st Century Celibacy

I've mentioned before that my Spinster Agenda isn't to make everyone live the way I do. It's about getting people to be happy with their own lives, and inciting them to make life decisions based on what THEY want.

Today on C&D, Why Celibacy Is Better Than Sex is a good read. Not all women have the same emotional connections or reactions to sex. But this is a GREAT example of someone making up their own damn mind in the middle of a culture that sends tons of mixed messages. She is rockin' her freedom of choice, and not whining about what she doesn't have.

I mean, seriously. "The Media" sends us eight bajillion messages a day that not only should we be having tons of sex, we should equate our sex life to a dish washer. And then we should go buy the dish washer. On another side, there are more than a few spiritual crusades going on against premarital sex, and blaming it for many of the world's failings.

I've also heard this referred to as Second Virginity, and sometimes it's an entirely secular decision. Sadly, I couldn't find the article where I first read about this idea.


PS, C&D is a mixed bag of a blog. I read their book, Style Statement, and it was great! Very inspirational along the lines of making your own life (and style) decisions, and it struck a chord with my somewhat holistic personal philosophies. Buying a new pair of shoes or a couch won't change your life, but having a home that you really enjoy can't hurt.

But nowadays about 60% of their blog content is split between children/husband/finding a boyfriend. Not so much my thing. 20% is diet & exercise, and another 10% is "Buy this!" Occasionally there's a thought provoking gem, or advice about playing with your personal style statement. But the book is sooo much fun :-).


Anonymous said...

From what I can see, the change in their content is based a great deal on their decision to incorporate a wider variety of bloggers, rather than keeping it a C&D-only thing. Said bloggers in turn tend to write about the things that they know...which in some cases is marriage and interpersonal relationships, or small children, or fashion, or dating/figuring out that being single isn't the end of the world, or finances, or whatever. I think there's even one who basically writes exclusively about yoga positions. It seems to have evolved from a two-person blog and business to more of a writers' collective...which personally, I kinda like. No, not all the entries pertain to me or my lifestyle, but I do find a number of them to be interesting reads, and sometimes(like the recent entry on crayons), I find something I enjoy.

Mystique Wanderer said...

aah yes celibacy...

let me quote Osho on this one...even if u r smoking a cigarette..smoke it like its worship...give all thought to each puff...savour the flavor...enjoy its effect...don't just put it in ure mouth and go about doing other things...don't let it become a habit...don't let anything become a habit...

every act done with due focus and concentration is like worship...every habit...even of religious rituals...done absent mindedly are destroyers of life

Sasha said...

I keep looking for an article about celibacy that isn't religious and doesn't annoy the hell out of me. i was happy this wasn't one of those ones that implied (or just said)women don't really like sex.

However, there are two things that bother me about the linked celibacy post, so this is not the article to not annoy me.

First, "Because sex is such an emotional act, particularly for women" Er, shouldn't that be some women? This is definitely not a universal, at least not the "particularly" part.

Second, this assumes your end goal is marriage. If hers is, that's fine, but the tone felt to me like it was saying that this was a given rather than a choice. I don't see a big finish line sign hanging over marriage for the sake of being married.

As for me, I feel any man who wouldn't want to marry me because he was already getting sex or would only to get sex is not the man for me.

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

I do not understand 'Second Virginity'. I also fail to understand the 'issue' with sex.

People, I guess, do not know what to do when. They are easily influenced and more easily led to a place they have no clue about.


Don't Be a Slut said...

I understand "Second Virginity" very well because I'm currently living it.

Don't get me wrong. I love sex. Really, truly do.

But I came to a place where I realized that sex was physically enjoyable but emotionally damaging ... and that the only common factor in all of my sexual encounters was me.

So, I've been celibate for most of the past decade. Yes, I said decade.

Unless I'm with someone I'm truly in love with, it's just not worth it.