Foxy!

Yay, more Joy Nash!





I <3 you lady! Make more movies!!

Return From Limbo

Because that's really what winter break is like for me. I work at a college library, so I get about a week and a half off while the college is closed to students. I make a ton of plans of what to do with my free time. So instead I lay around in my pajamas all week until my friends call me out of the house for hooka or goth clubbing.

But the rest of the world keeps moving, even when I'm sitting on my fat butt eating leftover Xmas cookies. And pies, and chocolates, and breadsticks, and ... eep.


Case in point: Save our Sooj and Help Vera are two online communities working to help a musician and an editor (respectively) out of dire financial situations. Go read their stories, bask in the fan-luv, help out if you are inclined.

This is what I'm talking about! I know Sooj has an S.O. (actually, she has several, but that's another story...), I'm not sure if Vera has one, but both are beloved by their families and the communities of people they live in and work with.

Who needs romance when hundreds of people really care about you? ;-)


In other news, I'm not really up on the whole New Years resolution thing this year. In early November some aspects of my life changed for the better, and that's when I started resolving to do things. Waiting for New Years to start seemed silly. Binding my resolutions to a one-year period feels doomed to failure. 2008 was also a rough year for me, and the rough isn't quite over yet, so it's difficult to just cut ties and leave the year behind.

I'll keep working to be more *me* but not just for 2009. Life is always beginning and ending, and not just when we switch out our calendars.


I'm also trying to formulate some interesting ways to celebrate Singles Awareness Day (February 14th) this year. On m'blog, and in NYC. Any ideas?

Study finds romantic comedies may be bad for us.

Romantic comedies 'spoil your love life' sez Heriot Watt University.

I started blogging a few weeks ago. Now whenever I start thinking about or working on a new post, something new from the interwebs shows up to tie everything together.

The other week I was thinking about a particular Spinster stereotype. I was home & sick that weekend, but I did not sulk while watching romantic comedies and dramas. Instead, I watched 10 hours of Babylon 5 (my friend got me hooked a few months ago, still haven't seen it all) without the sulking.

During Thanksgiving weekend I happened to see the movie 27 Dresses, and the long, slow, painful trudge through co-dependence almost made me cry. And not in the happy-wedding way.

Like the friend that pointed out this article to me, I was never into most romantic comedies. And after a year of figuring out my head-workings, I'm even less into them, and sometimes have averse physical reactions to them. I like some romantic plots, depending on the story, writing, etc., and usually as part of a larger entity. Especially in the SF genre (so much Bab 5 'shipping, OMG). Shakespeare is the exception, but I can't resist his text.

So I'm going to introduce another tag-cloud of posts about movies and other media that do not reinforce the agenda of the Romatrix. Be prepared for some really odd flicks.

GEEKSIGN

I've been trying to formulate this post for a while, with my limited writing/whinging skills.

Luckily, musical artist Marian Call already did it for me! Check out her tune Nerd Anthem, or I'll Still Be a Geek After Nobody Thinks it's Chic and that's about where I was trying to go.

I still don't know why "Geek Chic" happened. Did the normies get jealous when they realized that we rule the world? Followed by an attempt to emulate us? Is this another level of making fun of the weirdoes who sit together at lunch? Is it supposed to be (shudders) ironic?

All I know for sure is there are bars in NYC that cater to fanatics of comic books and classic arcade games. Unfortunately they are overrun with trendy people in horn rimmed glasses, plaid, and argyle.

I'm not against people embracing new lifestyles and dissolving old stereotypes. There is just something disheartening about finding a nice nerdy (looking) guy at a bar, only to have him inch back slowly in fear when I start chattering about Doctor Who. I don't think this bait-and-switch technique is fair to either one of us, sir.

OK, so you've seen Star Wars and the Lord of the Rings movies. You like the new Battlestar Galactica (new?). Maybe you've been to the Rocky Horror Picture Show ... once. Renaissance Faires are a fun place to go to watch girls in corsets "talk all like Shakespeare." You use a computer at your day job. *golf claps*

But where were you when I was an outcast teenager, being shoved into lockers by girls who matched their shoes with their backpacks? When I was being called rude names by people that wanted me to write their essays for them? When I was studying like mad to get a 5 on the AP Bio exam so I could have more fun in college?

Geek isn't just liking the right tv shows and ugly socks, it's a shared heritage of being odd and feeling out of place, but not on purpose. Not for it's own sake, and not for irony. The funny clothes, fandoms, and treasure troves of useless trivia are a side effect, not the source.

So stop teasing my people with your cute horn rimmed glasses, OK? Don't get me wrong, I like normie guys, but this is just confusing. Why not put your dinner jacket or Giants t-shirt back on and try the mainstream watering holes? I'll go back to my Pangalactic Gargleblaster and no one need know you were ever here.

Settling for Celibacy

15 Years Without Knocking Boots

First, I'm sure this essay is supposed to be comical.

Second, it is interesting to examine and pick apart lots of little details about it, with no offense meant to the author, because it's a humorous piece that doesn't take itself too seriously.

Even so... oy. Take what I want to write about and do a complete 180. With an extra dose of impatience and whining.

I regard men with ambivalence, with alternate longing and fear.

This I can understand. She likes their company, and then is consistently disappointed by them. Rejection is never fun, and it sounds like some of the men she's been with have had severely bad cases of the dumb.

I've grown accustomed to being alone.

OK, WTF is that all about? She goes on and on about her gal pals, and how some of them have even hit on her. And what about her career? There's an article on Salon.com with her name in the byline- does this mean nothing in the face of being single?

But we all crave human contact. "So," I resigned myself, scheduling a back massage, "welcome to the wonderful world of the middle-aged, celibate single woman. You now have to pay people to touch you." It's funny how comforted I can feel simply by hands rubbing my body. I know some men are willing to offer extra for a "happy ending" -- for them, sensuality isn't achieved unless it ends in orgasm -- but for me, I'm perfectly content just letting someone rub my shoulders, my back.

Isn't there anybody in her life willing to give her a free back rub? I'm single, and I've had two in the past week, neither with the ulterior motive of sexxing me up.

Oh, wait,

And I suppose it would help to leave the house. I am quite reclusive, as most writers are, and unless some drywall guy who reads Russian literature shows up on my doorstep, it is highly unlikely that I will meet an available straight single man any time soon.

Because we all know that the best way to meet other single people, "for friendship or more," is to stay home on the weekends. Where do all her gal pals come into it while she's shut up at home?


I don't disagree with her philosophy, "You have to be in love to make love," especially since she's tried the alternatives and did not like them. I've said before, different strokes for different folks.

But instead of reflecting on her life for what it is, she focuses on what it is not. It is not shared with a romantic partner, woe! Forget all the accomplishments and adoring friends, she can't find Mr. Right! Towards the end she brings up non-romantic love and friendship, but almost as an afterthought. It sounds like she settles for what she has instead of cherishing it.

This makes for a very whiny sounding article that makes my teeth grind, regardless of the ironic, comical tones. And I think it helps reinforce the stereotype that I'm trying to break.

A disturbing intersection of stereotypes.

Cats + Spinning = ?

My eyes itch and water just thinking about this... dumb allergies.

Tips on spinning cat hair

The Whole Craft of Spinning from the Raw Material to the Finished Yarn
By Carol Kroll

VIP Fibers: Specializing in Mail Order Custom Handspun Yarn from Your Very Important Pets!

THE ROMATRIX HAS YOU NEO

Still working on the book Against Love: A Polemic by Laura Kipnis. It is interesting, but a little dry. A very good read if you remember reading Nietzsche and Freud in college, and probably even better if you studied some political science. The author says up front that the point is not to convince the readers, or herself, of one point or another. In her own words:

A polemic is designed to be the prose equivalent of a small explosive device placed under your E-Z-Boy lounger. It won't injure you (well, not severely); it's just supposed to shake things up and rattle a few convictions.

Her book focuses on romantic love (not family or friendship so far) and how obsessed our society is about pursuing and maintaining romance. Love at any cost. It's almost like this drive is programmed into our psyches, and the structures we build around us, as deeply as all the instincts that rail against commitment and domesticity.


So as soon as I thought of "programming" I realized...

Romance is like the Matrix. It's not something that we really need to survive, and history shows we didn't consider needing it until relatively recently (19th Century, similar to when romance novels gained popularity). Before that time it was an amusing or entertaining concept in contemporary fiction, but marriage and domesticity had their own mutually exclusive place in the real world. Romance happened outside of marriage, for the most part.

Western culture is now hopelessly dependent on the Matrix- no wait, I mean Romance. The desire for Romance evolved over the years, resulting in a strange social slavery where pleasure becomes very hard work to maintain (domesticity). This slavery is even endorsed and registered with the state (marriage). We have internalized the system so much that people who are not currently eligible for this sort of slavery are fighting to get it (gay marriage).

But no matter how hard the work is, we don't think for a moment of living without it. Potential separation from the Romance system causes great fear and anxiety, and people put in a ton of work to either stay in the system (unhappy, codependent relationships) or try and get hooked up (the billion dollar match-making industry). We are so convinced that we cannot live without Romance that we never question if : 1 + 1 = 1? Anyone who does not fit into the system, willingly or otherwise, is persecuted or coerced into finding Romance.


It's a fun metaphor to play with, but NOT 100% accurate. There are unhappy, passive aggressive people in all kinds of situations that like bringing other people down, and Romance is just one system.

On the other hand, I know lots of happy people "hooked up" to the system. They don't patronize me for being single. They respect and support my decisions as much as I do theirs, and are very secure about themselves and their lifestyles. They see their friends as whole individual people, and not halves of a Romance-unit.

Some people fall in love because they just do, not due to psychological programming. And many people are secure enough to accept when a romance is over- without sending an agent in a black suit to terrorize their mate.