The Sassy Spinster

Couching.

2010-11-24T10:00:00.002-05:00

Meet my couch:

Bedcouch!

What couch? Look closer. It's disguised as a bed. OK, it is technically a bed, but I use it as a couch. It seemed convenient for size and storage when I first moved into my co-op in April 2009.

I don't get a lot of time to lounge on it anymore. I'm more likely to eat dinner at my kitchen island or my computer table. When I unfold the drying rack for laundry it sits between Bedcouch and the TV, leaving no more space in the living "room" for things like exercise or people.

Living "Room"

Yesterday I read a horoscope that reminded me a lot of my Discardian lifestyle. Lately I've run out of things to toss. Already had a big purge of stuff over the summer. For the most part, my home is pretty neat except for the computer/work table, where the beads and junk mail live.

If I've run out of things to Discard, and my home is pretty consistently neat, why does it feel so cramped?

*Gasp* BEDCOUCH!!!

I chose Bedcouch this from the island of unused family furniture for my new apartment because:

It was my childhood bed (plus a newer mattress).
Offered crash/cuddle space for visitors.
Storage underneath.
Free!

Now we are reevaluating our relationship.

Childhood was not so much fun akshally. And a decade ago.
Not a lot of people come to visit me in Central Queens. Nobody comes to my house for cuddles.
Stored inside is extra bedding for Bedcouch, and a ton of photos that I could scan. The drawer closest to the wall is blocked by my end table.
It is taking up a lot of space that I pay to live in (mortgage, maintenance), and gets in the way of exercise and other fun stuff.

At first I was looking to replace it with a big puffy easy chair or recliner, but those are expensive. I am also pathologically afraid of getting bedbugs from new purchases of anything made of fabric. And stationary furniture may still get in the way of swordy fun time. But it is nice to have a seating area across from the TV, or diagonal from my computer screen, for the rare night I have off for watching DVDs. Usually all that sits on Bedcouch is laundry baskets & craft supplies.

Now I'm leaning towards an inflatable couch like this one. Comes with gadgets!! It can be folded up and put away when there are parties, swords*, or both. Or construction. Even better, I can take it to conventions and use it as a bed! No more having to fight for bed space at the con!

This weekend I'm planning to stay home and relax, a LOT. (Life = crazy, hence delays in blogness.) This will give me plenty of time to figure out the fate of Bedcouch. And all the extra pillows and bed linens that would go with it. Hail Discardia!

*The swords I practice with are not actually sharp, so not a threat to inflatable furniture.

Not looking, not bothered.

2010-11-05T09:49:00.006-04:00

Sleep deprivation has not helped with sussing out a new standard for the next few weeks. But the sleep debt didn't come from backsliding into my bad social habits, to do with my haphazard mating attempts, so that's something. Partying and having long involved chats with friends are what I actually want to do with my life.

Halloween night marked the end of my celibate period and was a lot of fun. At least until I asked a stranger at my theater's party what his costume was, and apparently that gave him the right to paw at me on the dance floor. Furthermore, his pick-up line was "You have really nice skin, I like your skin..." Um, eeek. Nothnxkbye. He was also pretending to be a kinkster, which got on my nerves big time.

On the upside, it drives home the point that I hate dealing with these things. On the downside, I didn't think it could get worse than "Hi I'm rebounding, can I use you?" It definitely gets worse. I think its time for this low-hanging fruit to stop acting like a tart.

I'm still not ready to adopt celibacy as my official lifestyle. But I HATE the Mating Game. So my new mantra will be "Not looking, not bothered," as inspired by a British book about singleness (with mixed reviews). If someone wants to chase me I will figure out what to do about it then. But it is doubtful that will happen around the social groups I'm currently involved in. Otherwise I will continue to focus on things that really make me happy.

I'm going to do this from now until Yule (ie, Winter Solstice) and see how it works out. Yay for more social experimentation :-)

Questing!

2010-11-02T11:00:00.001-04:00

A man's work is nothing but this slow trek to rediscover, through the detours of art, those two or three great and simple images in whose presence his heart first opened.

—Albert Camus.

Hair Today

2010-10-29T11:00:00.003-04:00

Why Can't Middle-Aged Women Have Long Hair?

To some extent I know this pain (in the butt). Spent many years with hair at/past my shoulder blades. Sometimes I had to put my hair up to use the ladies room, it was crazy. Many friends who thought they were helping me with peer pressure to ~~look more like them~~ cut my hair, but it ended up being less kind and more obnoxious.

This spring I got my hair cut and layered out of hairstyle based boredom. Why not? It was still a longer mane, but shoulder length rather than butt length, and it was fun. Of course, a whole other group of friends freaked out about me cutting my epic mane. Some days you just can't win.

Srsly? This is a cosmetic feature. I understand these things can have a sneaky psychological effect on others. But if someone is going to ignore me or look down on me because I have luxuriously long locks, or some other superficial difference from the average person, I think it's more their loss than mine.

Not sure if I'm going back to get another layered haircut. It was cute, but difficult to braid and ended up in my eyes a lot.

A quick tip- putting long hair in a pony tail causes more breaks in the middle of the hair, braiding is better if you want to grow it long. At night, during the day, all the time.

Assuming your hair lets you. Some of my friends have super curly hair that will not concede to be braided. A person's relationship with their hair can be hard enough without outside interference, please keep this in mind if you like to ~~interfere with other people's lives~~ help others.

Nearing the End

2010-10-28T11:00:00.000-04:00

The end point of my social experiment with Seven Weeks of Celibacy ends on Halloween this Sunday.

Yay?

I am still mulling over where to go next. Not sure if I'm ready to adopt this as my official lifestyle, but the last few weeks have been unusually clear-minded for me. Aside from a week in September when everyone in NYC seemed to have SAD (or PMS?), the only bad weeks I've had corresponded with backslides into being boy crazy.

Taking this time to refocus, by taking a slash-and-burn approach to my (lack of a) sex life, gave me lots of time and energy to look back on the summer and identify individual aspects of my experience and filter out the ones I truly hated.

For example, hanging around at public events waiting to be noticed, by strangers or known entities? Yuck. I'm not sure what part of my brain fell dormant to think that was a good idea for me (although other people have fun with that, more power to 'em).

Doing unsolicited favors to ingratiate myself to attractive people? Double yuck. One day I'll wax long upon doormat syndrome, to help others avoid my dumb mistakes.

Staying out late in bars trying to be cute or impressive to people, and then being too tired to do things that were actually fun later in the week? Also super dumb. Maybe I temporarily became a pod person.

But not all of my reflections were negative! I seem to have fallen out of interest with fancy clothes and makeup (or just been lazy), but it's fun to dress up when going out with my lady friends to a ritzy place. Reading tarot and listening to people's romantic stories in bars can be fun! Focusing on the actually fun things I wanted to do gave me lots of time and energy to do them, as well as my daily routines. I'm still not against coupling, most apparent when I attended my friends' lovely (nerd!) wedding and was very happy for them :-)

Bottom line, I am not against mating, but I despise the Mating Game. Or a strange self-taught version of the Mating Game that makes me tired and sad. From these observations, I will make a new resolution for the rest of the year.

Now I need to find a new clever catchphrase for the next six to seven weeks of social experimentation :-)

Having a stronger effect on the less informed.

2010-10-27T11:00:00.000-04:00

I almost titled this "Having a stronger effect on the weak minded," but I'm of the opinion that mindfulness can be learned, even if it doesn't seem to be someone's natural groove. And it just sounds mean.

Angry/negative people can be bad for your brain.

A TON of this relates to what I've studied with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and NLP. Unhappiness, anger, and anxiety can be contagious. A person can change the quality of emotions in a room/conversation by expressing more positive emotions in their own behavior. If they can accomplish that, their listener(s) respond more positively to arguments or suggestions.

I haven't read about mirror neurons before, but it fits my NLP studies. It also relates to another post I'm working on about creative projects and related social scenes (write, Sassy! WRITE!), will post later.

Furthermore, another possible view on sympathetic magic: "Be the change you want to see in the world." Yay, Ghandi!

Take Back Halloween!

2010-10-26T11:00:00.000-04:00

Take Back Halloween: a costume guide for women with imagination!

Not a store, but a page of fun costume ideas and suggestions for people who are bored with pre-packaged spandex "sexy" costumes. Or those who miss the days of building a fun costume out of flannel bedsheets ;-)

OK, I'm actually wearing spandex for my Shadowcat costume this year, but it is normal everyday durable dancer spandex + some Salvation Army finds. And it goes with my boots!

A Monstrous Manifesto

2010-10-19T10:00:00.000-04:00

Latest magic just in from Strowlercon (et al), which I hope to attend next year. Sorry guys, my best friend called 10/10/10 for his wedding day long before this came up ;-)

If you are in the Strowlers path, I implore you to attend! Great music, literature, performance, art, and company await you there!

A Monstrous Manifesto
by Catherynne Valente

If you are a monster, stand up.
If you are a monster, a trickster, a fiend,
If you’ve built a steam-powered wishing machine
If you have a secret, a dark past, a scheme,
If you kidnap maidens or dabble in dreams
Come stand by me.

If you have been broken, stand up.
If you have been broken, abandoned, alone
If you have been starving, a creature of bone
If you live in a tower, a dungeon, a throne
If you weep for wanting, to be held, to be known,
Come stand by me.

If you are a savage, stand up.
If you are a witch, a dark queen, a black knight,
If you are a mummer, a pixie, a sprite,
If you are a pirate, a tomcat, a wright,
If you swear by the moon and you fight the hard fight,
Come stand by me.

If you are a devil, stand up.
If you are a villain, a madman, a beast,
If you are a strowler, a prowler, a priest,
If you are a dragon come sit at our feast,
For we all have stripes, and we all have horns,
We all have scales, tails, manes, claws and thorns
And here in the dark is where new worlds are born.
Come stand by me.

Happily Ever After!

2010-10-18T10:00:00.000-04:00

Speaking of fairy tales, here's a favorite of mine...

Happily Ever After (The Paperbag Princess)
music by Marc Gunn, words by Marc Gunn & Nancy e. Pearsall

In days that have long since passed,
There lived a fair mahogany lass.
An unmarried and virtuous princess, alas,
She was brave, strong and bold.

Tra la di di hidey ho
Di hidey hey, di hidey ho
Tra la di di hidey ho
Happily ever after.

One morning while riding no guard around,
Armed with sword should trouble abound,
She heard the most horrible sound,
And her nose burned of sulfur.

The sky it darkened, gave her horse a fright.
A dragon swooped as black as night,
Grabbed the princess then out of sight.
Her horse ran frightened home.

The king cried, "All knights be sworn!
Kill the dragon with your swords.
Return me daughter for this reward,
That you may marry her."

The bravest knight in all the realm,
Young, handsome and vain as well
Declared the maid his holy grail
And rode off to rescue her.

The knight he climbed up rugged heights
Snagged a run in his pristine tights
At cavern's shaft, he saw no lights
And heard no sound inside.

The knight called the dragon out.
But only a lady's voice came back.
"I killed the dragon!," the lady shout.
And stepped into the sun.

The princess dressed in scraps of cloth,
Her mahogany hair was all burned off.
A muddy face, the vain knight scoffed,
"Can you clean be for we go?"

The princess still in clothes undone,
Told the knight, "I work alone."
The knight rode lone into the setting sun.
And the princess was happy thereafter.
Tra la di di hidey ho
Di hidey hey, di hidey ho
Tra la di di hidey ho
Happily ever after!

Here's a link to download the song, huzzah!

Week Five: Whups, Wrong Fairytale.

2010-10-15T17:17:00.007-04:00

Things go well on Planet Spinster. Cutting back on sugar, packing more home made to-go meals, getting up earlier to arrive at work on time, daily life is made of win. The weather still has me a bit run down but it should pass.

Several improv-seeds that I gradually planted over the last few months sprouted all at once. It looked like too much for one Spinster to juggle. But then I realized, now that I'm going out less I have a lot more time for shows, practices, and planning sessions. I've decided to experiment with making this my social life, rather than the aimless cycle of putting on lipstick and hanging around in bars.

I've stopped using makeup due to sheer laziness. And my skin is a lot clearer than usual. But when I used to put it on before every outing, it was just mascara, eyeshadow, and lipstick, no foundation. Maybe this is just a coincidence. I'll be wearing some makeup for a show I'm in next Friday (so I don't look like a zombie under those dreadful lights), so I can double check that weekend.

A few friends have worried that they have made me uncomfortable in the past with their own boy-chasing habits and chat sessions. Certainly not! I tried it, and I'm glad my friends have fun with it, but it's just not for me. I'm a big supporter of "And it harm none, do what is fun ;-)"

Others have noted, "Once you stop looking for romance, it finds you." In my case this seems to not be true, and that is what keeps my experiment so happily uncomplicated.

The more cynical part of my brain tells me that this is merely a fairy tale. And then the more fanciful mythpunk side retorts that fairy tales are still the templates through which we live our lives. I just want to live in a different story than most other people, even if I'm not sure what that story is yet. Maybe I'm just making it up as I go along, in which case improv is a good skill to work on ;-)

HAN SHOT FIRST!

2010-10-14T10:00:00.000-04:00

EMBED-Geek and Gamer Girls Song - Watch more free videos

Luv the video! However, not all of us geek and gamer girls look/dress like this. And yet we are all still awesome. The More You Know...

What would Jerry do?

2010-10-13T10:00:00.001-04:00

“Don’t be the best in the world at what you do; be the only one in the world who does what you do.”

-Jerry Garcia

I think this is my new mantra :-)

via Gaping Void

Webcomic inspired question.

2010-10-12T10:00:00.000-04:00

I like webcomics. I don't read as many as I used to, but Girls With Slingshots keeps bringing me back ;-)

This strip recently stood out to me:

Do guys actually talk about girls with other guys? Men have talked to me about their issues or experiences with women, but I am a woman. It would be interesting if men had similar kinds of gossipy, lovelorn scab picking sessions to women. Gay or straight.*

*Since moving to NYC, one of the biggest misconceptions I was shaken from is that gay men always act like women. This is really, REALLY not the case and I don't assume so anymore. Not that I'm a typical woman to begin with.

Bolivia

2010-10-11T10:00:00.000-04:00

Bolivia, by Havi Brooks [link].

I am thirty three years old and have not once seriously considered moving to Bolivia.

It’s weird, because normally I wouldn’t even mention that.

But here we are. Most women do end up moving to Bolivia.

And by my age, you’re pretty much expected to have already moved there or at least you’re supposed to be trying really hard to get there.

To be clear: I have nothing against Bolivia. It seems like a lovely place. Just not one that pulls me. It has never called my name.

And even though I don’t talk about my relationship (or non-relationship) to Bolivia, we will talk about it today.

Because I have words that need to be said about loneliness, power and the extremely problematic word: “choice”.

To be honest, I have wondered about moving to Bolivia, but I have plenty of things to do here and now. There are plenty of remarkable and rewarding things I can do in my lifetime without going there.

Also, this metaph0r works for more than one "women's issue" subject to societal pressure. I'll bet it works on some for the menfolk as well :-)

October is Depression Awareness Month

2010-10-08T10:00:00.002-04:00

Thanx to Scrangie for reminding me. She also has a very helpful blog post up, and if you want to fly the colors (green) she has a truckload of nail polishes to match ;-)

This is something I've wrestled with all my life, regardless of external circumstances, with varying degrees of success. There are good days and bad days and it's worth holding out for the good ones.

From the National Institute of Mental Health website (check them out for more info):

What Is Depression?

Everyone occasionally feels blue or sad, but these feelings are usually fleeting and pass within a couple of days. When a person has a depressive disorder, it interferes with daily life, normal functioning, and causes pain for both the person with the disorder and those who care about him or her. Depression is a common but serious illness, and most who experience it need treatment to get better.
Many people with a depressive illness never seek treatment. But the vast majority, even those with the most severe depression, can get better with treatment. Intensive research into the illness has resulted in the development of medications, psychotherapies, and other methods to treat people with this disabling disorder.
What are the signs and symptoms of depression?

People with depressive illnesses do not all experience the same symptoms. The severity, frequency and duration of symptoms will vary depending on the individual and his or her particular illness.
Symptoms include:
Persistent sad, anxious or "empty" feelings
Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness and/or helplessness
Irritability, restlessness
Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
Fatigue and decreased energy
Difficulty concentrating, remembering details and making decisions
Insomnia, early–morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
Overeating, or appetite loss
Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts
Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment
What causes depression?

There is no single known cause of depression. Rather, it likely results from a combination of genetic, biochemical, environmental, and psychological factors.
Research indicates that depressive illnesses are disorders of the brain. Brain-imaging technologies, such as magnetic resonance imaging (MRI), have shown that the brains of people who have depression look different than those of people without depression. The parts of the brain responsible for regulating mood, thinking, sleep, appetite and behavior appear to function abnormally. In addition, important neurotransmitters–chemicals that brain cells use to communicate–appear to be out of balance. But these images do not reveal why the depression has occurred.
Some types of depression tend to run in families, suggesting a genetic link. However, depression can occur in people without family histories of depression as well.⁹ Genetics research indicates that risk for depression results from the influence of multiple genes acting together with environmental or other factors.¹⁰
In addition, trauma, loss of a loved one, a difficult relationship, or any stressful situation may trigger a depressive episode. Subsequent depressive episodes may occur with or without an obvious trigger.
How can I help a friend or relative who is depressed?

If you know someone who is depressed, it affects you too. The first and most important thing you can do to help a friend or relative who has depression is to help him or her get an appropriate diagnosis and treatment. You may need to make an appointment on behalf of your friend or relative and go with him or her to see the doctor. Encourage him or her to stay in treatment, or to seek different treatment if no improvement occurs after six to eight weeks.
To help a friend or relative:
Offer emotional support, understanding, patience and encouragement.
Engage your friend or relative in conversation, and listen carefully.
Never disparage feelings your friend or relative expresses, but point out realities and offer hope.
Never ignore comments about suicide, and report them to your friend's or relative's therapist or doctor.
Invite your friend or relative out for walks, outings and other activities. Keep trying if he or she declines, but don't push him or her to take on too much too soon. Although diversions and company are needed, too many demands may increase feelings of failure.
Remind your friend or relative that with time and treatment, the depression will lift.
How can I help myself if I am depressed?

If you have depression, you may feel exhausted, helpless and hopeless. It may be extremely difficult to take any action to help yourself. But it is important to realize that these feelings are part of the depression and do not accurately reflect actual circumstances. As you begin to recognize your depression and begin treatment, negative thinking will fade.
To help yourself:
Engage in mild activity or exercise. Go to a movie, a ballgame, or another event or activity that you once enjoyed. Participate in religious, social or other activities.
Set realistic goals for yourself.
Break up large tasks into small ones, set some priorities and do what you can as you can.
Try to spend time with other people and confide in a trusted friend or relative. Try not to isolate yourself, and let others help you.
Expect your mood to improve gradually, not immediately. Do not expect to suddenly "snap out of" your depression. Often during treatment for depression, sleep and appetite will begin to improve before your depressed mood lifts.
Postpone important decisions, such as getting married or divorced or changing jobs, until you feel better. Discuss decisions with others who know you well and have a more objective view of your situation.
Remember that positive thinking will replace negative thoughts as your depression responds to treatment.

Sugar, oh Honey, Honey...

2010-10-07T10:00:00.002-04:00

Last month I payed closer attention to what I eat at lunchtime and how I feel after. It looks like sugary deserts cause my energy level and mood to crash like an X-wing on Dagobah. Most of the time I skip the fun sugar-rush part :-(

I'm pretty good at buying fewer processed foods at the grocery store, so my kitchen is already a bit less sugary. I usually don't bother with honey in my tea. Most of the sweet stuff I eat at home is the stuff I bake/freeze myself.

This season I also rediscovered apples, which I hadn't picked up in a while because they tend to go bad on me. Actually, they'd go bad while I was nomming other snacks, so with fewer sugary distractions its easier to remember I have them in the fridge. Also, super cheap in the autumn.

There is a social-trend building up to replace white sugar and HFCS with "healthy" alternatives, but I fall into the "sugar is sugar" camp. Sweetscam.com has info on a variety of sweeteners that are not necessarily as healthy as other sources believe. It is also tricky to replace processed sugar with substitutes in baking and frozen deserts because it adds a structural component. So why not just eat LESS of it?

Lunchtime is where I mess up. At work and far from home, if I don't remember to carry homemade snacks to work I will be tempted by the Crumbs of Starbucks up the block. Also, real world sad, need cupcake.

Now I keep a stash of dark chocolate in my desk for dessert. It has a stronger flavor than pastries and is easier to ration out. Chocolate used to be my go-to for a shock out of my sugar crashes, but then I ended up overcaffienating myself. (I cut all other forms of caffiene out of my diet almost six years ago, restructuring my dietary habits is not a new thing for me.)

When I go out for lunch, I stick to water instead of soda. I still drink de-caff sodas at bars, but late-night is when I can afford to crash. And I've been hanging out in bars a lot less since I began my latest social experiment.

Things seem to be working out thus far. No sudden sugar crashes during my afternoon. I still have sugar cravings, but I don't feel as exhausted as I would during a regular sugar crash. Yay, I'm awake!

The beast I used to be, WEEK FOUR!

2010-10-06T10:00:00.007-04:00

This was definitely a good idea for me.

The first few weeks were rough due to mind-reprogramming. Plus allergies and SAD smacked me upside the head so I wasn't feeling so great about anything. But last week, despite continuing seasonal problems, things really stared coming together:

In the last month I've organized an improv practice group, joined and helped with another, and there is one other new improv project still in the "maybe" phase. WIN!

My new improv class is served with a side of EPICsauce.

Last week, I managed to pack a lunch for every day of the week. That is a LOT more focus than I can usually muster.

Mostly catching up with my sleep but the new work schedule is getting in my way.

Decreased libido, because clumsy attempts to satisfy it are no longer the central focus of my life.

This year's crop of grad students at the library are adorable, but I don't care as much as I used to.

I'm OK being home alone for many evenings, and don't feel like I'm missing out on some enormous social opportunity. Instead I catch up on Britcoms and Pandora.

More time for jewelry work, which I've finally pulled back out of the closet! Huzzah!

Makeup? What's that?

I did take strides to de-frump my wardrobe this summer, so I still look mostly presentable without trying very hard.

The physical trend towards hibernation is still a problem, so I might keep this going from Samhain until Yule to see what happens when I'm not so sleepy.

Working on more conventional romance-seeking methods really did make me stressed and unhappy (YMMV). Comedy practices and classes with my friends are generally more fun for me than bar hopping, so I will focus on that as my social outlets.

I'm really not missing out on anything due to this shift of focus. The only offers I've had all year have been "Hi, I'm rebounding! Can I use you?" back in the spring and, um, no thanks. I did make the dumb mistake on one of those cases but the rest were no problem to deflect. I like my self-respect a lot more, and now I'm getting it back :-)

Rumi!

2010-10-05T10:00:00.001-04:00

From the LJ community "Daily Rumi"

Be with those who help your being.
Don't sit with indifferent people, whose breath
comes cold out of their mouths.
Not these visible forms, your work is deeper.

A chunk of dirt thrown in the air breaks to pieces.
If you don't try to fly,
and so break yourself apart,
you will be broken open by death,
when it's too late for all you could become.

Leaves get yellow. The tree puts out fresh roots
and makes them green.
Why are you so content with a love that turns you yellow?

- Rumi; adapted by Coleman Barks

Tomatoes!

2010-10-04T10:00:00.000-04:00

Yay, gardening. My co-op finished renovating my balcony and gave it back to me in late May. I brought my pots back, there was much rejoicing.

This summer's new project was adopting two tomato plants, in addition to my herbs.

June!

July (plus basil)!

September!

Sadly, it's October and I've only had a couple tomatoes reach the edible stage. When they started flowering it was too hot, and when they set fruit it got too cold, and the post summer hot flash was so rainy they started to split. Argh! Next year I need to start them much earlier in the season and prune those extra branches.

Perfection, and Its Cure

2010-10-01T10:00:00.001-04:00

The Disease Called Perfection,

and

The CURE for "Perfection"

by Single Dad Laughing.

I don't think there's anything I can really say better, or to make it better, except "It's always OK to be you."

Making Space

2010-09-30T10:00:00.001-04:00

Possibilities & The Divine Law of The Ugly Chair

Letting go makes way for something closer to your truth…which is always more beautiful. Always.

Making space signals the universe that you’re ready for ideal…or at the very least, much improved.

Making space expands your being and clarifies (and dare I say, actually minimizes) your needs.

This a good parable for why I'm giving up boy-chasing for seven weeks. Just giving myself more space to be awesome!

Danielle Laporte also co-wrote the book Style Statement, which was fun and helpful for me at that time in my life. Both with my internal quests and looking for paint colors for my new place ;-)

Sympathetic

2010-09-29T10:01:00.001-04:00

My views of the world are somewhat non-mainstream. I majored in mysticism at NYU. And I identify as a mythpunk, so gimme some of that post-modern myth making pls.

As such I see elements of sympathetic magic in putting together an improv practice group.

Over the years I've seen lots of projects start up or fall to pieces all over the four corners of fandom and geek culture. I've had successes and failures of my own, and I think I can pin down at least one important factor of making things happen:

If you want to organize a number of people into a reliable, committed working group, you have to BE organized, reliable, and committed.

Take the responsibility to invite people, communicate with them, and remind them to show up for practice. Be consistent with delivering information. Act like the responsible person you want to see in others, even if you're not the one in charge, because it will inspire others to do likewise.

Welcome to sympathetic magic, which can sometimes be paraphrased as "Fake it until you make it." Eventually, it won't have to be faked, and the world will respond in kind.

But you have to emulate and become the qualities you want to see reflected around you, waiting for someone else to take the initiative will not work. "Flake it until you make it," is not an adequate alternative.

On a related note I met a Voodou priestess last weekend. After giving a lovely talk on her religion and the practices of her House, she offered readings. I asked about my place in the improv scene, and she read that I could bring the scene creativity, fire, inspiration, and ... virtue? She was just as confused at that as I was.

I don't consider celibacy or singledom to be a virtue unto itself. But getting things done and holding up your end of agreements is most virtuous in my mind. Plenty of people already do that in improv, and I hope to live up to their examples and add one more.

Looking for Group?

2010-09-28T10:00:00.004-04:00

It looks like September is for shifting all kinds of perspectives.

I hung around on the improv comedy scene as audience-only for many months before I got up the nerve to take classes. At that point I had a group of friends on the indie-scene (ie, improv teams/performers/shows not part of a particular teaching theater) who convinced me that improv was fun rather than terrifying in the first place.

Early on I figured that indie-improv peeps are super busy with their indie projects, and there would be a big experience gap between them and myself, so I would find people at the Theater where I took classes to play at improv with. Maybe someday in the far off future I'd get to play with my indie friends.

Things haven't really turned out as expected. I'm about to start Level 4 at the Theater (Adept Level Improv?) but still having trouble finding things to do outside of class. Leveling up doesn't mean much if you don't have an adventuring party.

The Theater doesn't have a lot of room for n00b-shows (which totally makes sense if they want to sell tickets, basic theater ecology ;-}), so I don't really get to play there except for improv-jams and my class performances. I've almost been involved in a couple of Theater projects, but last minute rule-changes and cancellations left me out of the loop. Not many in-class contacts have led to new practice groups.

On the other hand I've had a few invitations to improvise, mostly at practice groups and one-time shows, from indie-scene friends. It's not a huge number of invites but any score vs. zero is a solid win for the independants. Despite my being absent from indie events for a long time because I was hanging around the Theater, so I'm surprised to even be invited.

The Theater is fun to hang out in and has great shows and classes, but maybe it's time to get back to the indie scene. That's where the work/play seems to be for me. I miss my indie friends and feel bad for having being away.

I am also trying to start my own practice group, because "If you want something done, do it yourself." I have a mix of people from different sides of the improv scene interested and I hope I can get it to work out :-)

Do you have my size in black?

2010-09-27T10:00:00.002-04:00

For years I have skirted the fringes of alt-cultures. I rarely had the focus or energy to commit to any one in particular. It took me years to finally pick up the big black boots I adore. Two years ago I made an effort to buy clothes in colors other than black, but it turned out to be a hassle.

This month I stopped worrying about balancing a wardrobe that is at least 75% dark colors. I'm still being super lazy about makeup, if I wear any at all. Clothing takes a bit less time to deal with in the morning with a narrower color palette.

One problem is that black clothing blends together in a dresser drawer, and its easy to forget what you've got left before laundry day. And one black t-shirt looks much like another, in the dresser or on the body. So I will play with the subtle differences between garments and my jewelry skillz.

And I rediscovered Pandora. My Sisters of Mercy station is great so far. Its a wonderful service if you're too shy to ask club DJs what it is they're playing, although I don't know how far Pandora will deviate from the mainstream. There are also online radio stations for good goth music, although my wonky home internet connection makes them less fun.

It definitely helps that I'm experimenting with a celibate lifestyle, so the phrase "dress to impress" is suspended for now. Focusing on appearance is superficial as transformations go, but still a helpful step towards rediscovering old lifestyles and interests. Although I'm still not sure where the divide is between "Person that likes wearing black" and "Goth," I plan to investigate. Maybe I'm a subculture of one, and that is OK with me.

Big comfy boots are clearly the source of my power.

Seven Weeks - End of Week Two

2010-09-24T10:00:00.001-04:00

What I have learned thus far:

-I live almost entirely within my own head.

-Reprogramming your brain and being mindful of thoughts and actions is HARD and EXHAUSTING.

-Not whoring myself out to anyone who shows up to a given event saves a lot of energy.

All of last week I was exhausted. Although there were a lot of external circumstances that could have caused it as well, like my "moon time" and the NYC change of seasons making me sleepy. And the testing of fire alarms at work.

It was really nice to go straight home after work after spending my day as a library zombie, skip my usual weekly comedy shows, and not feel like I was missing an important opportunity to go out and meet people. I also saved my energy for an improv class show on Friday that I rocked out on.

Now I have more presence of mind to plan my weeks ahead of time, making space to rest for the plans and projects I really want to be awake for. Instead of chasing half-formed notions and daydreams at all hours of the night.

Back in my nicely decluttered home, I felt no loss at sitting back at my neat desk and watching Britcoms until I felt better, or just more ready for bed.

This weekend there was a lot of family problems that left me even more exhausted, so I have not been up for much blogging. Or anything, really. But once again being home to recuperate was not a big deal.

So far a life of celibacy means having less interest or desire in being out late with people. Or out at all. That means catching up on me time. And sleep, glorious sleep!

So "Man Hater" isn't necessarily accurate...

2010-09-23T11:56:00.001-04:00

Feminism and Romance Go Hand In Hand.

Contrary to popular opinion, feminism and romance are not incompatible and feminism may actually improve the quality of heterosexual relationships, according to Laurie Rudman and Julie Phelan, from Rutgers University in the US. Their study* also shows that unflattering feminist stereotypes, that tend to stigmatize feminists as unattractive and sexually unappealing, are unsupported.

Not quite what I go for on this blog, but good to know if you like that sort of thing ;-)

Seven Weeks of Celibacy

2010-09-17T10:00:00.001-04:00

Vow of Celibacy! Yes!

For the last few weeks I've poked at my brain. Most parts of my life and outlook don't add up anymore. I have so many fun projects to work on that aren't getting done. Something unrecognized is making me mopey and unfocused and insecure.

It culminated during a nighttime girl-talk session at one of the comedian bars last weekend. We were talking about chasing boys, and the earnest scab-picking session that always goes along with these conversations.

And I was not having fun.

I looked back over the last few months, and years, and then as far back as I could remember. For one period of my life it was fun having a boyfriend, but I have never actually enjoyed chasing boys.

To my shock, I realized that most of my thoughts and activities for the last few months have been geared towards chasing, attracting, or ingratiating myself to prospective mates. Every time I made myself up to look cute, or stayed out late with friends, or went to new events, it was often in the hopes of getting matched or picked up. This never actually happened, and I was frequently dissatisfied about my life.

After years of being (as one friend described me) fiercely independent I'm not sure where this switch to codependency happened in light of not having an actual person to be codependent with. And these new behaviors coincided with a loss of focus, increasing problems with sleep and time management, and several personal projects falling apart or not getting started. Especially this blog, because the thought of being a Neo-Spinster became less alluring than... what? Being picked up in a bar by a slimy alcoholic? WTF!

What happens if I start living singly on purpose, again? In NLP terms I'm not giving anything up or making sacrifices, but re-framing my outlook on life. Like I said, boy-chasing has never been a pleasurable activity for me, so why not replace it with things that will be fun?

From now until Samhain (aka Halloween), I will be celibate. Roughly seven weeks. Like a mental/emotional detox to try and get back to the way I was when I started this blog, but without the Zoloft. And I hope to figure out why this happened in the first place so I can prevent it from derailing my life again ;-)

As always, Your Mileage May Vary.

Sass Is Back, All Right!

2010-09-15T10:00:00.000-04:00

The NYC summer is drifting away! Temperatures have dipped back below 80 degrees! The think-y cells in my head work again!

Just in time for my standard allergy season. Pow. Whups. Think-y brain juice halted by an equal and opposite force of goo from my sinuses.

So I'm here, and typing, and ready to sass again. But I'm going to work on some of these posts for a few more days as the medicines wear off. Just to make sure I'm not proofreading under the influence :-)

Luv Sassy!
*sniffle*

Sassy Needs a Recharge

2010-08-05T11:01:00.004-04:00

I am a bad blogger this summer. Internet self promotion is all about consistency, and in that respect I am totally made of fail. Although I put up an invitation to send me blog topics a few weeks ago and nobody responded, so I'm sure my quiet is unnoticed by the world at large.

What I've been doing instead of blogging:

Coming to terms with an illness in the family.

Decluttering and cleaning my house. Like, a lot.

Working on my budget skillz.

Developing a sleep budget.

Cooking things without heat. So... more like mixing, I guess.

Taking improv comedy classes.

Seeing lots of shows.

Taking lots of comedy show photos.

Sometimes posting those photos on the internet. Argh, backlog.

Gardening!

Studying Neuro Linguistic Programming.

Studying astrology.

Performing tons of tarot readings.

Taking the Pill.

Abstaining from use of makeup and contact lenses, because my eyes hurt!

Wearing sun dresses.

Wearing old slips/negligee as sun dresses.

Boggling at how much money people spend on overpriced brand name gadgets.

Preparing for DRAGONCON!!!!!

So... this was going to be a "I'm on a blogger break," announcement, but of course listing these things out gives me ideas for new posts. Posts that might be out of season by after Labor Day weekend. In that case, if your Sass reception may seem spotty and inconsistent until early September, do not adjust your set. I'm just taking a sass-nap ;-)

How is your summer vacation/staycation/wageslavery going this year?

Spinster Has Run Out of Sassy

2010-07-09T10:00:00.002-04:00

Maybe it is the summer doldrums (or the Summer Soul Flu), but I am exhausted. Thus, lack of blogging.

But it is Friday! Here, have some links. I've been trying to psych myself up to do some de-cluttering by looking at home improvement type blogs ;-)

Tiny-Ass Apartment. Like Apartment Therapy, only this blog is actually about APARTMENTS and not expensive houses with tons of space. Why do you do that, AT?

Lovely Undergrad. Like the aforementioned TAA, but with a college life spin. Adorbs!

Ikea Hacker. Almost handmade, always much fun.

Happy Weekend! Stay cool!

Spinster Links!

2010-07-02T10:00:00.003-04:00

On Interpersonal Badness - You Are Worthless, Lets Be Friends. Reminds me of a crazy social group I got out of a few years ago. But I wonder how often we all act like this without realizing?

Panic, Meditation, and the Dilettante. I also don't get around to meditating every day, but that is mostly due to bad time management skills. Maybe I need a Pagan life coach.

Best Friend Rape Prevention. Trigger warnings. I agree with the author, "Random goons on the street and invading homes have nothing statistically on friends, dates, and partners." So how does a person apply stranger-rape prevention advice in a familiar environment?

Why 'Female' Science Professor? "Why the extra adjective? Does it matter in my work as a scientist and a professor that I am female? Many times it does."

Of girls and geeks: Environment may be why women don't like computer science. But ... I like Star Trek posters? Still an interesting experiment.

Sign of the Times: Barbie's a Tech Geek. I'm still not sure how to respond to this. Tho I'm surprised she's not a Mac user.

How My Little Pony Turned a Little Girl Into a Computer Scientist. So Matel was off by one franchise ;-)

Fashion and the Female Geek, First Steps. "...I can address not only how to be taken seriously as a ‘front-line geek feminist’ – but also how to maintain a standard of comfort that is (quite frankly) essential to a woman who has plenty of ‘geeky’ passions that occupy her time and keep her on her biologically-accurate toes."

Life-Upgrade Update!

2010-06-30T10:00:00.000-04:00

Last month's budget numbers were a little weird, due to my birthday celebrations and putting cash down on an improv class. But still hopeful.

My weekly discretionary budget is staring to work out, my habits need more tweeking than the budget itself does.

Cutting back on junk at the grocery store has significantly lowered my grocery bills. Fruit is a lot cheaper than cookies.

Pina Colada Sorbet was a wonderful idea for homemade. I don't feel the need to keep eating it until its gone like super rich homemade ice cream. Am trying to hack the recipe so I don't have to add any extra sugar.

I may try to kick my daily chocolate habit all together. I can't have just one piece, and too much makes me feel super yucky. This is freaking out my friends more than quitting alcohol *and* caffeinated drinks.

I GOT MY BALCONY BACK FROM THE RENO CREWS NOW I CAN PUT MY GARDEN TOGETHER AGAIN OMG YAY!

Still trying to figure out when I have time for making jewelry. That's super important, both for potential extra income and occupied alone-time.

Also trying to streamline my online presences to make it easier to promote all the weird stuff I do. May have to trade jewelry for another website, but this one will be super simple.

Allergy shots seem to be working *crosses fingers* along with all my new prescriptions.

After reading some of the blogs I posted about last week, am trying to talk to more new people. Not total strangers, but other people at the theaters I frequent whom I have not met yet. Seems good so far.

Figured out how to watermark/tag my improv show photos. I don't mind other people using them, but I like my credits.

Also figured out how to wire my Tumblr feed in advance to post improv photos. Back to obsessively photographing shows :-D

Money On the Side

2010-06-28T10:00:00.000-04:00

So cash is tight right now, as I try to slay the credit card monster. I could take a second part-time job but I'm not sure I have enough energy. And my many-faceted social life would suffer. And EVERYBODY is looking for jobs right now, whereas I have a nice library job already.

But there are some extra things I'm doing on the side for extra money. I run a small jewelry business (on Etsy) and I do fortune telling with tarot cards (around NYC). I also take photos of a lot of local improv shows, and for that I sometimes get free drinks and/or my cover charge waived.

I'm learning that to get recognition for any sort of skill you need to promote the hell out of yourself. And never underestimate the power of Twitter to get more hits on Etsy, ZOMG.

Potential roadblock: I've heard it said that to really promote your skills you have to focus on only one to pimp out like crazy. But I don't want to be any less than a jewelry designer, fortune teller, photographer, blogger, AND improv performer. Trying to figure out if people would want to subscribe to a Twitter that inundates you with all of the above.

What do you do for extra money on the side? I'll probably describe each of my experiences at length sometime soon ;-)

Taking Requests!

2010-06-25T10:00:00.003-04:00

It is summer in my world and things are slowing down. There is more time for blogging and reading, but my brain is slowly turning to mush thanks to an NYC heat wave.

So, any requests? What would you like to see me blog about? Is there a topic you expected to see related to Spinster-ism that I have not yet satisfied for you?

Or something more off topic, maybe suggested in a previous post but not really fleshed out. Perhaps a specific question about the world we/I live in? I'm not infallible, but I am a professional librarian with fantastic Googling skills.

Camp Magnet 2010!

2010-06-23T10:00:00.001-04:00

The weekend-before-last (I set up a lot of blog posts ahead of time, can you tell?) I went to

CAMP MAGNET!

Waaaaazaaaaap!

And it was good.

The Great Kayak Race!

Um, except for the panic attack I had when I couldn't sleep because it was too cold, but that wasn't the camp's fault. And it didn't seem to effect my performance that much...

Playing pretend.

Otherwise it was a really fun mixture of camp activities, improv workshops with some of the Magnet's best teachers, and people being drunk over 4 days. It was weird being at a camp where we were allowed and encouraged to drink.

Red Team, Go!

Would very much like to go again next year, hopefully with a much warmer sleeping bag or much stronger sleeping pills. I feel a lot less frustrated about my improv-ness after spending the weekend there :-)

Welcome to the Freakshow!

Pictures of Camp Magnet 2010!

DRAGONCON HOOOOOO!

2010-06-21T10:00:00.001-04:00

Yaaaaaay! Less than 100 days away! DragonCon!!!

Fandom! Science! Cosplay! Ice cream made with liquid nitrogen! Music! Singing tesla coils! Celebrities!

The greatest Geek Bacchanalia of North America!

The Snuggie Cult, with Griff McGerbil.

To Do Before:

Figure out who is staying in my room. Its coming together.
Room is booked at the Hilton, back in October. Yeah, it's like that.
Change my room reservation, can't stay the extra night in Atlanta as planned this year.
Costumes? I may be lazy this year.
Dusk's first DragonCon :-D She's a fuzzygoth, the Cruxshadows booth will be thrilled.
Budget. No dealers room this year. Maybe no art room or music either, those always get me.
Get my plane tickets!
Don't break my camera two days before the event.
Set up the txt list for "I'm here! Where are you?" messages.
Closely deconstruct and highlight the programming once they put it online.
Pack!

Mad Scientists League Bake Sale, with Griff again!

Why Spinsters have an awesome time:

Flirting with all the Earth Force and Narn cosplayers.
24 hour parties, maybe this year I'll find the orgies too?
Can wear whatever I want, as little or as much.
Not keeping track of someone else's purse/badge/program.
Don't have to bring back anybody a present.
Not getting called long distance in the middle of panels.
No weird conversations about who's staying in the room.
Staying out as late as I want without having to check in.
Smaller ratio of persons stuck in the Cult of Pairs.

Everybody's got somethin' to hide, 'cept for me and my gerbil!

Pictures of DragonCon 2007

Pictures of DragonCon 2009

Friday Links!

2010-06-18T10:00:00.003-04:00

Things I found on teh interwebs recently:

Succeed Socialy dot Com : Free social skills advice for adults. What a great idea :-D I like a lot of these articles.

30 Sleeps : Open source personal development. "I’m a 31-year-old, Vancouver-based adventure capitalist on a mission to help others grow." Thanks, dude :-). I really like the Social Skydiving series :-)

Welcome! To the Menaissance Festival! Yikes. I don't watch Mad Men, I'm starting to think that show would frustrate me somethin' awful.

Marriage, kids, adulthood, but why? Interesting look at the changing values of family life and independence in American culture. However, it also smacks of middle-to-upper class privilege.

Where the Smart People At? Calculating the "smartest" concentration of people in the U.S., by measuring college degree holders per square mile in several cities.

How to keep someone with you forever. This article disturbs me on many levels. In that "Awesome, I'll never fall for that ever again," way.

How to a roast chicken, fast! Because roasting chicken is f'ing easy. I got my 90 minute recipe from The Pink of Perfection, and I usually use the long cooking time to make other dishes. Or stare blankly at Facebook.

The Pink of Perfection, a thrifty girl's guide to the good life. Perfectly awesome in every way.

20 things I wish I'd known at 20. I don't think anybody's ever photographed me almost-topless, does that mean I come out ahead?

Building a Comedic Mystery

2010-06-16T10:00:00.001-04:00

I am now a member of the Cult of Improv.

It's hard to pinpoint when that actually happens. Some say it's when you start classes, some say its when you perform regularly in groups or at jams.

Another friend explained that improv comedy is 90% attendance, so it may go back further than the seven months of classes to when I started going to shows all the time. The improv scene is like a Pez dispenser of entertainment. Or a a bag of nachos - crunch all you like, we'll make more!

Responsibilities of the Improv Cultist:

Perform long form improv comedy. With a team or at mixers and jams.
See lots of other people's improv shows.
Send out lots of Facebook invites to improv shows.
Start lots of teams and practice groups that don't work out.
Start a few teams and practice groups that do work out.
Name drop all of your teachers.
Start a Tumblr blog.
Hang out at the bar whenever you're not on a stage.
Smoke like a chimney.*
Drink like a fish.*
Live in Astoria, Morningside Heights, Harlem, or the trendier parts of Brooklyn.**

*I am a bad cultists for not participating here, but I think I make up for it by taking tons of show photos and telling fortunes for other cultists. Or maybe you can't be a real improviser until you get cirrhosis or a respiratory disease? Does asthma count?

**I bought property in Queens before I knew the Cult of Improv existed. They have not yet told me to sell it and give all the profits to the cult, but I'm sure that talk is coming...

I Like Big Boots and I Cannot Lie

2010-06-14T18:00:00.000-04:00

I'm not much of a shoe girl, nor am I much concerned with fashion. I've been on a lifelong quest to find one set of footwear that can be worn with anything, so I never have to go shoe shopping ever again. These are the best I've ever had!

Last June I finally ordered the pair of Doc Martens I've wanted for years, with an online discount code from a friend. Both friend and boots are awesome.

I skirt the edges of the Goth and other alt scenes, so these boots go with almost everything I own. And I wear them with everything I can. Skirts, dresses, ballgowns, jeans, slacks, business and casual. They zip up the side so I don't spend hours lacing them. And as my friend with the discount recommended, they are great to wear under boot cut jeans when it's rainy out. My ankles are warm and dry, winter and summer.

Friends thought I was crazy to break them in during the peak of NYC summer, but they were ready to go by the time fall and winter kicked in. I wear them all year round anyway ;-)

Early this year one of the zippers wore out and cost $30 to repair. But I love these boots and that is a lot less than buying a new pair. Worth it! And a general rule of thumb for clothing repair - why buy something new when you can fix what something you already love?

As the last girl in my social networks to get a pair of awesome Docs I had plenty of advice to go on:

-Pre-buying of boots, if you are buying them online with a discount code, first go to a shoe store and try on the same style in your size.

-Upon obtaining your boots, stock up on sturdy band-aids in a wide variety of sizes. Breakin' in is hard to do.

-Second, put the squishy insoles inside. Worth the extra $$!

-Third, wear them every day with socks for a week or so. Boot socks are good if it's not too hot outside, but even plain white crew socks work fine. They will give you extra protection from getting your feet and ankles roughed up. (Actually, I still usually wear ankle high socks with my Docs, its not like anybody can see. Best tip ever, wear socks *under* fishnets with your boots!)

-Fourth, pick up some sticky-backed moleskin pads from the drug store and cover any sharp/rough bits inside the shoe. It may take a couple of days to pinpoint where they all are.

-Fifth, don't take any s#$% from anybody, because you could kick their faces in with your awesome boots.

Happy anniversary, boots!

Um, thanks?

2010-06-11T10:00:00.005-04:00

To: Sassy
From: OkCupid! Summer Interns

Subject: We have data on your attractiveness!

We are very pleased to report that you are in the top half of OkCupid's most attractive users. The scales recently tipped in your favor, and we thought you'd like to know.

How can we say this with confidence? We've tracked click-thrus on your photo and analyzed other people's reactions to you in QuickMatch and Quiver.
. . .

Your new elite status comes with one important privilege:
You will now see more attractive people in your match results.

This new status won't affect your actual match percentages, which are still based purely on your answers and desired match's answers. But the people we recommend will be more attractive. Also! You'll be shown to more attractive people in their match results.
. . .

Suddenly, the world is your oyster. Login now and reap the rewards. And, no, we didn't just send this email to everyone on OkCupid. Go ask an ugly friend and see.

OKCupid, you never fail to remind me about why I started this blog. *cringe*

Space is Limited. Home is Infinite.

2010-06-09T10:00:00.000-04:00

Yay, Apartment Therapy's Small Cool 2010 Contest is completed!

It's got lots of pretty home design pics, if that's what you're into. I am, and it went into crazy overdrive when I was home shopping in late 2008. Apartment Therapy is a good overall blog for that, although when I was reading it a year ago it was drifting from "apartment" to "general home things that don't fit in apartments." Maybe they're better now.

This contest was the awesome exception, a celebration of tiny spaces that people make livable and gorgeous.

My co-op apartment is less than 400 square feet, including the balcony and closets. Now that I'm settled in, maybe I will submit to this contest next year :-D Which gives me about 10 months to finish the kitchen reno (CRINGE), de-clutter, clean, and borrow a tripod to take some bitchin' photos.

So far, no matter how I angle the camera my home still looks way more cluttered than it is.

Lol, j/k ;-) This was moving week.

Lessons!

2010-06-07T10:00:00.000-04:00

Things I've learned about food lately:

*Peanut butter is awesome. I have greatly underestimated pb sammiches.

*Refridgerating store bought bread helps it last longer.

*After years of hating fried eggs, I tried it myself using bacon fat instead of butter, and they were wonderful. Tried again with butter, yuck.

*Still haven't mastered bacon, luckily I like it slightly burnt too. Bacon-stix!

*Its really hard keeping non-stick kitchen equipment non-greasy :-P

*I don't like baking cookies, muffins, or anything else that has to be shaped or portioned before baking. I like breads and brownies, things you bake all together and cut later.

*Most improv people don't like brownies. They whinge about having to keep their weight down for acting, and then wander over to the bar for their customary five beers.

*Cupcakes are supposed to look better than they taste. Not that they can't taste good, but they have become more of a visual artform.

*Celery sticks squeak uncomfortably against my teeth. Eeeek.

*I hate washing dishes more than I hate myself for using paper plates at home all the time.

*I love honey, but baking with it can cause interesting and unexpected moisture-absorbing results.

Friday Linkages!

2010-06-04T11:00:00.004-04:00

Alt Text: The Nice Guy's Guide to Realizing You're Not That Nice. From Wired: Guys, you’re not “too nice.” That’s like saying you can’t get seated at an L.A. restaurant because you’re too famous.

Also true of "Nice Girls" ;-) Don't feel bad, I'm a recovered Nice Girl myself!

2010 College Grad Financial Survival Guide, from Budgets are Sexy. Filed under "Things I wish I'd thought about at the time."

After a Breakup: Handling Sentimental Clutter, from Unclutterer. I didn't have such a hard time with sentimentalizing the jewelry after my last breakup. I'm not sure if this is ironic or not, because I am a jewelry designer.

How to Enjoy Solitude, from Think Simple Now: I’m not suggesting solitude is better than being with people. Simply that it’s impossible to completely avoid aloneness in life, so it’s worth having a strategy to find joy in those moments. Enjoying solitude can also give you an independence that makes you less desperate with friends and less likely to cling onto lousy relationships.

Yay! Tho to be honest, it's a lot harder to feel lonely if you've ever studied puppetry. I'll let you ponder that for a bit...

Cats Can Tweet With New Liveblogging Device, from Mashable. So if I ever do achieve my goal of becoming a crazy cat lady, I can still work outside of my home. Awesomesauce.

Health Care Law's Massive Hidden Tax Change, from CNN. Yikes. That's a lot of paperwork.

"Vanity" Press Goes Digital, from The Wall Street Journal. WSJ is a bit behind the knowledge of fandom communities on this, but it is having interesting effects on the publishing industry. Maybe blogs, too?

Courting Song for Selkies, a poem by Amal El-Mohtar & Jessica P. Wick on Ideomancer. This is one sense of what I mean when I say "Mythpunk" ;-)

Suit Up, by Catherynne Valente. A reflection on how suits are hawt. I am also a sucker for a man in a suit, but I don't think any man since my last bf has ever tried to take advantage of that.

Diana Comet Presents...75 Years of Fabulous Writers. A periodic table of 117 writers in 3 minutes.

The Credit Card Monster

2010-06-03T10:00:00.000-04:00

I think most Americans have one. And like the monsters we used to have under the bed or in the closet, it has the power to keep us from sleeping peacefully at night.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I have a pretty good idea where mine came from:

Ooooo, stuff is on sale!
Buying jewelry supplies is no problem! I'll just resell it later, right? And high vendor fees are totally worth all of the press if I only break even!
I'm going to put EVERYTHING on my cards for now, to stockpile extra cash for the co-op purchase! Then I can just pay it all back later.

The first habit I mostly squished a few years ago, as I became Discardian. The second was trickier, but I've put a moratorium on all my business related spending. I still have plenty of unused supplies, and this is forcing me to finally use all of them in unexpected ways.

The third was the worst in the long run, because I didn't notice for a long time what a terrible habit I'd developed. And it's not just what you're spending on the cards, its also what the bank is charging you in interest on purchases. One of my cards doesn't even come with any extra customer benefits due to a SNAFU with the bank. No matter how aggressively I tried to pay them down, they kept building up with new expenses and interest.

My live is fairly uncomplicated, financially speaking, so its a good time to go monster hunting ;-)

Rule one, stop feeding the monster. I haven't frozen my cards into a block of ice, but I have stopped using them all together. Its either cash or debit, and I don't like using my debit card.

Rule two, begin the hack'n'slash! I already have some savings, so I'm devoting everything that would go to debt reduction and savings to just debt reduction. The interest on my credit cards is a lot higher than the interest on my savings account (thanx BoA).

Fixing Finances

2010-06-01T10:00:00.003-04:00

I hate the stereotype that women are incompetent at tracking their finances. Based on the state of the national economy, *everybody* is bad with finance. It looks like part of the latest incarnation of the American dream is to live outside one's means.

But I've been doing my own taxes for years, both business and personal. I didn't need to be rescued from numbers, and I like to know where my results come from in case I'm audited. It's tedious but people blow the difficulties out of proportion. Managing my personal finances holds about the same amount of tedium, but smaller bits spread out over the year.

First I just tracked my spending for four months, starting in January. I was almost always in the red, but always for different reasons (medical, business trip, week of parties, etc). For that reason I put off making a proper budget because I wanted to see what a "normal" month was like. Until the *headdesk* moment when I realized there is no such thing. At the beginning of May I worked something out that I think affords me some room for errors, as I slowly learn to stop making them.

I also realized that I can't keep track of a personal budget on a once-a-month budget. My bills can be tracked that way, usually all paid on the first of the month, but not my groceries or discretionary spending habits. So its once-a-week checks for food and random stuff.

Like the grocery changes, I think this will be OK. Breaking habits is difficult, but some sources indicate that its better to exchange one habit for another.

Internet Bounty

2010-05-28T10:48:00.002-04:00

How To Clean Stuff dot Net. Thank goodness, because I am a spaz.

5 Minute Chocolate Cake. Baked in a coffee mug, in a microwave. This is a dangerous thing for me to find, so I'm sharing the peril.

Six Months of Rules. From "Premise," For the last six months of my twenties, I am going to follow "the Rules" of dating (or my best interpretation of them) and write about it.

Just reading the first few pages... Madam, you have way more patience for this than I would. Good luck with your project :-)

Are You Eating Yourself Into Debt? From Man Vs. Debt.

I definitely was.

Welcome to the Institute for Beyonce-related Cultural Studies. . . A despicable charade where so much is demanded of women, so much compliance and poking and prodding, so much effort to make ourselves beautiful and radiant and perfect, so much forcing of square pegs into round holes, just so we could meet it all, do it all, get close to the apex of perfection and still be worth nothing.

The Beyonce song reminds me of some back-foot humor. "How is a girl like you still single?" How are you dumb enough to ask me that question?

Date?

2010-05-27T10:00:00.001-04:00

Was out with some people, one in particular, a few months ago when the word "dating" came up. Looking around the bar at all of the different types of interactions going on, I started comparing and analyzing until I came up with some defining characteristics. It seems to be a vague and hazy concept for most people. But here I go...

Date: An agreement to engage in a social activity with one other person, and give each other your undivided attention.

In my mind dates can be romantic, or not (that's my own skewed point of view and sense of phrasing). But it does constitute an interest to be in the presence of that person in particular, to set them apart and treat them differently than you would treat other people. Which are good tactics when trying to put something romantic together.

One point I can't quite figure out is "movie date" but I suppose after the movie is over the undivided attention starts up again. "Double date" is also tricky.

In this case, hanging out with a big group of people is not a date. Going to see a person's show is also not a date, at least not with that person. A passing kiss on its own doesn't make a date, although it is often a nice ending for one.

Dating seems to be about effort and attention, which in some cases may lead to commitment. In other cases, ideally, "I don't feel like making an effort with you anymore. We should pay attention to other people." "O.K."

This comes up because the person I was having that conversation with a few months ago seemed to think we were dating. Possibly? It was hard to tell, he wasn't the sort of person to communicate things clearly. Likewise he never put any clear effort or attention to me, so I was confused. I cannot be dating someone if they have never actually asked me out on a date. And "Lets just see what happens..." does not count.

I like things to be defined. I like it when people are clear about what they want, even if its a brief snuggle in the back of a bar before moving on to the next girl. But I wonder if this is really me, or my reaction to lots of people giving minimum effort and expecting maximum attention? I've been jerked around a lot over the last few years, and don't have the energy for that game anymore.

Just defining things takes effort. And if I'm not worth that much effort to another person, they are clearly not worthy of me ;-)

Tuna Overload

2010-05-26T10:00:00.003-04:00

My preferred cooking style is to have a food-prep marathon for a few hours every weekend. I make a ton of stuff that can be packaged into lunch boxes ahead of time. Leftovers from that can be nibbled on whenever I'm at home. Usually it's a meatloaf or roast chicken, but now that the weather is warmer I'm leaning towards things that don't require so much heat.

Packing lunches ahead of time saves me money and time. Mostly I lose the time wandering around the Village looking for somewhere to eat, because I have trouble making decisions when I'm hungry :-/ These days my brain tends to star shutting down on its own before I even start feeling hungry. The people at Cosi's know my first name and my usual order, so that's probably where most of my income has been going this month.

This week's lunch: Tuna salad (with mayo, celery, a little bacon, and spices), celery and carrot sticks, a suggested serving size of triscuts, 1 oz of dark chocolate.

Yikes, that was a lot of tuna. But I had a full package of celery to use up, so why not make five cans worth? I sometimes wonder how much variation factors into a person's diet. There's plenty left over in the fridge to pack more lunches, or have on toast for dinner.

The blog has finally become "What I had for lunch." I'm not sure if this is good or bad. It's a lot harder to misinterpret lunches than lifestyles.

The "No Buy" List

2010-05-25T12:34:00.005-04:00

For the most part, my lifestyle improvements are about planning ahead rather than outright denying myself. But I'm going to try something slightly more difficult with grocery shopping. Or easier?

There is a list of things I'm no longer buying at the grocery store, which includes almost all of the snack foods I can think of. I still buy crackers, because sometimes my stomach can't handle more than saltines, and Triscuits are an OK substitute for bread when I don't want to make sandwiches. Its fine so long as I don't eat the whole box. They make rosemary flavored Triscuits now, ZOMG.

BUT I am OK with eating desserts if I make them myself. I can usually make it better ;-) I even have an ice cream maker, but am sticking to sorbet for the time being.

Also on the list are most dairy products. I've had a LOT of chest colds this spring, and dairy makes them worse, so I'm staying away from cheese and ice cream for a while. I used to buy corn chips primarily as a vehicle for eating as much sour cream as possible, so both of those are gone. Butter survived the purge because I bake with it.

I'm trying to stick to products with ingredients that I understand. Crackers are an exception, but WOW bread is hard to shop for now. Its like I can only have ingredients I recognize *or* high fiber content. WTH. Canned soups are also annoying as I work through the backlog of items purchased before I made this list. Mayonnaise is mostly recognizable except for the preservatives.

I cut out most sodas when I went caffeine free 5+ years ago (this freaks people out WAY more than my teetotaler habits). I really only drink water in my house, or fresh brewed tea, or sometimes I have a bottle of V8 in the fridge. Liquid products are super heavy to carry home from the grocery store anyway.

I like my food products like I like my people: able to clearly communicate what they're about.

The Noms Begin

2010-05-21T14:14:00.004-04:00

As previously stated, I'm re-evaluating my relationship with food, because I would never be able to break up with it. *sigh*

I don't really like the term "diet" because it brings up too many images of obsessive compulsively counting calories, owning a scale, and being miserable. I am cutting back on buying and eating certain things with other intentions in mind than my weight, namely to feel less tired and save some money.

First goal: I want to cook more and eat out less. This satisfies so many things I'm trying to fix.

I'm lactose intolerant and have other similar whiny-stomach issues, so cooking for myself is a great way to avoid these conditions. I'll know exactly what I'm eating because I made it, and it's all exactly the way I like it.

And it can save lots of cash, depending on where you buy your groceries. But I'm not allowed to go back to Whole Foods until I scale back some more credit card debt.

It is annoying to wash all of those extra plastic containers from bringing my own lunches to work, but I'll just grit my teeth and deal.

Building a Better Spinster

2010-05-20T16:24:00.006-04:00

Yesterday was my birthday (YAY!), and that tends to get people all introspective about their lives and choices.

There are things I don't like about my lifestyle. Because my enormous wealth of friends, and the abundance of information and guidance available on the internet, I'm starting to focus more on fixing them. May as well blog about it ;-)

1) I'm in credit card debt. Not to the point of declaring bankruptcy or eating pb&j for every meal (which actually wouldn't be so bad...). But after four months of carefully tracking my $$ habits I've come to the conclusion that my relationship with money is not healthy.

2) I'm a bit overweight. I am 26 on the BMI* which is not the end of the world. But weird cholesterol problems and diabetis run in my family, and i miss wearing some of the clothes I had when I was 24 on the BMI.

3) I have mood swings, depression, and insomnia, which I think are related. I am in therapy for clinical depression, and doing A LOT better than when I started 2 years ago, but I'd like to do more tinkering between sessions. I am "tired" much of the time, sometimes its emotional, sometimes physical, often both. The ties between mind and body are very interesting.

4) I keep getting sick! I get frequent "chest colds" which eat into a lot of my social and work life. I've missed many cons/parties/shows/classes/goodbyes to this over the past few months, grrr.

5) I am bad at keeping up with my part time business. I'm making an effort to spend less $$ on the jewelry business this year, and use the materials/resources I already have. But it's super hard to keep focused between illness and social life.

My goals are not super exact at this point. In part because I'm tired and have trouble focusing. But if the interwebs are watching, I hope to have more motivation to get it together. Right now I'm doing some major tinkering with the financial, and more minor tinkering with everything else until I find things that fit. I'm also taking advantage of having a job with health care benefits, and getting all of my check-ups and tests sorted out. ESPECIALLY the allergist/immunologist.

Many of the ideas and plans I'm coming up with interrelate these problems, the best example being a change in my diet that is going to work with all of the first four points, I hope. Regular exercise is something I miss, but item four keeps getting in the way of me going back to tai chi and yoga classes. Grrrr.

This may evolve into regular posts about how I'm doing, maybe with numbers and statistics. It will definitely include links to other blogs where I've found a lot of food-for-thought on these subjects. Just remember that my own advice is not infallible ;-)

Luv, Spinster One.

*The BMI, by most accounts I've seen lately, is really not the best health/weight/fat guide. The height/weight ratio does nothing to differentiate between the different materials that make up the human body, which all have different densities. But I'm shy about recording my actual weight, so its good enough for this purpose.

The Latest Links

2010-05-15T12:43:00.003-04:00

Despite my extended break from blogging, I have found things both awe and ire inspiring all over the interwebs :-)

Imaginary Bitches on Youtube! A woman who is the last single girl in her group of friends suddenly develops a pair of imaginary friends. Friends who are total bitches. Awesome hijinks ensue. Totally free to watch this online tv show, but I wish they'd get on with season 2.

The Technique of the Love Affair. A romance self-help book penned in the 1920s, reprinted with commentary. It's a super interesting read if you are a student of history and feminism, or have a Machiavellian view on relationships. And the more things change, the more they seem to stay the same...

Rape Culture and Road Rage, on Livejournal. A conversation about rape culture, and how baby steps can go a long way towards dismantling it.

Contrary to the Myth, Abortion is NOT the Most Controversial "Choice" Issue: Words of Caution for Elena Kagan Yet another double standard. Western culture still doesn't know how to deal with women (single or otherwise) who don't want to have children.

No More Sex in the City: NYC women are going celibate - and they feel happier than ever. Um... This article has some interesting points, but is annoying overall. I don't like the NY Post's point of view that all women in their 20s will eagerly hook up with someone they met on the subway. And how two weeks without sex is some enormous personal achievement. And the last line, “But I think it’s harder to not have sex than to have sex.” Speak for yourself.

For the record, I'm not celibate, I just have standards. And so do most women in NYC. Like a friend of mine replied on Facebook, "Not having sex or a relationship is not some horrible fate that bad sex and bad relationships will somehow improve upon." Srsly.

And because 'tis the season, Doctor Who - Tenth Doctor: The Musical. No time for boys right now, it's Doctor Who season!! I'm loving Doc 11, but I am still not impressed with Moffat's ability to write female characters.

Spinning Back Out

2010-05-15T11:57:00.005-04:00

Wow, been a while! Sorry about that... I guess? Meh, its cyber-space, things happen.

My absence was caused by a combination of things to do outside of the blogosphere, and a lack of people really getting me here. I also found the wonderful website Quirkyalone.net, which says everything I want to say but without all of the patronizing but well(?)meaning readers commenting "Tut tut, I'm sure you'll find someone someday..." *headdesk* Very discouraged, I lost interest in the uphill battle of making myself understood.

But I'm back now, possibly to take this blog in a slightly different direction.

When last we saw our Sassy Spinster, she was bemoaning the lack of not-busy friends to hang out and game with. This situation has more than reversed itself. I became addicted to improvised comedy shows, and then got sucked into the Cult of Improv itself. Now I'm taking improv classes at The Magnet Theater in NYC, and going to lots of shows and mixers. When I have class shows, my friends-of-old come out to see me perform, and take a break from school, work, and weddings. I take a metric ton of show photos. Good times!!

At least, I was doing all of these things, until I started getting sick once or twice a month without any clear reason. All respiratory stuff. My allergist just confirmed that I'm allergic to everything she has a standard test for, so that's a start.

Now that I am too sick to go out a lot of the time (I used to love Springtime D-:) I have time to blog again. I have also been losing/finding my feet in other personal matters, like finance, health, and nutrition, and am looking for a place to put all of those thoughts. I still have my Livejournal friends, but I'm hoping it will be easier to keep up with my own improvement plans if they are in a public forum.

So I'm back. Yay!

<3 Chrysilla, the Sassy Spinster

My D0rk Mistress

2009-07-02T16:49:00.004-04:00

After months and months of real estate woe, my social life finally opened up again. I didn't have any classes or fand0m activities to take up my time either. For the first time in years I could just go out and have fun with my friends.

Except now my friends are all busy.

And now the Forbidden Shelf of my bookcase keeps leering at me:

Stacks of rpg manuals. They look so lonely.

On one hand, I miss being an active nerd. I have no fanclubs or larps to run anymore, no stage-combat performances to work on, no costumes to sew. And I don't really miss those past times very much.

On the other hand I've been off the RPG scene for so long I wouldn't know a d20 from a d12. Most of my game-running skills are larp based, so I would need to play for a while to get my role playing legs back in shape.

Oh, wait, my friends are all too busy to run campaigns. *headdesk*

I don't believe that all people need romantic relationships in their lives, but even the most antisocial subjects need some sense of community. And much as I like keeping up with friends online, I miss the old gaming sessions of my college years. Also, I think the Deleria book is whispering to me in my sleep. Damn you Phil Brucato, and your pretty games.

On the up-side, my plans for Dragon Con are coming together :-D Maybe I can put some new costumes together, and the drone of my new sewing machine will drown out the siren song of the Forbidden Shelf.

Spin-ster

2009-06-30T17:26:00.006-04:00

I was introduced to the book "Against Love" a long time ago. And completely forgot about it until a friend of mine picked it up a few months later. This friend was inspired to fill her mp3 player with songs void of romantic sentiments. Mysteriously, her occasional moody days decreased in number and severity.

So I tried the romance-less playlist too. Even at the research stage I noticed about 99% of popular music is romance-inspired. Hooking up, breaking up, making up, yikes! No wonder people get so depressed when they're single. Western civilization never ceases to amaze and annoy me.

Here is a sampling of what I listen to on my daily commute:

Made to Heal - Our Lady Peace
If you Believe - Our Lady Peace
Still - Alanis Morisette
Crazy - Alanis Morisette (Seal cover)
Wunderkind - Alanis Morisette
Birthday - The Cruxshadows
Windbringer - The Cruxshadows
Spring Ahead, Fall Back - Scott Helland
Rocky Road to Dublin - Dropkick Murphys
Intercede Light - Iris
Let the Bells Ring - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Low Room - Peter Murphy
Gamble Gold (Robin Hood) - Steeleye Span
July, July! - The Decemberists
Feign Amnesia - They Might Be Giants
Midnight Radio - Hedwig and the Angry Inch
Tear Me Down - Hedwig and the Angry Inch
Freaks - Hedwig and the Angry Inch
Skating Away on the Thin Ice of a New Day - Jethro Tull
Spanish Bombs - The Clash
All Souls Night - Loreena McKennitt
Starseed - Our Lady Peace
Dig, Lazarus, Dig!! - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Ringing of Revolution - Phil Ochs
I ain't marching anymore - Phil Ochs
Lets Get This Party Started - Pink
God is a DJ - Pink
Warlocks - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Make you feel better - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Experimental Film - They Might Be Giants
I will Follow - U2
Come Sweet Death - Voltaire
Kingdom - VNV Nation
Along comes Mary - The Association
Dancing with Myself - Billy Idol
The Reels - Black 47
Clocks - Coldplay
Never Let Me Down AGain - Depeche Mode
Sultans of Swing - Dire Straights
Floaty - Foo Fighters
American Idiot - Green Day
I Wish You Were Here - Incubus
Lady Vagabond - S.J. Tucker
Alligator in the House - S.J. Tucker
Teacher - Jethro Tull
The Middle - Jimmy Eat World
Simple Creed - Live
Southside - Moby + Gwen
No One Knows My Plan - TMBG
Hundred Mile City - Ocean Colour Scene
Cuts you up - Peter Murphy
Final Solution - Peter Murphy
U + Ur Hand - Pink
Can't Stop - RHCP
In the House of Mama Dragon - S.J. Tucker
Crystal CAve - S.J. Tucker
East - Cruxshadows
Flame - Cruxshadows
Dominion/Mother Russia - Sisters of Mercy
This Corrosion - Sisters of Mercy
Birdhouse in Your Soul - TMBG
Beautiful Day - U2
By the Way - RHCP
In the House of Mama Dragon - S.J. Tucker
Crystal CAve - S.J. Tucker
Mummy Medusa - S.J. Tucker

That's an interesting cross-section.

What about you, fellow bloggers?

Apocalypse Me.

2009-06-22T20:28:00.001-04:00

When I was in high school, I had tons of dreams about apocalypses (apocalypsi?). It was a different scenario every time, so I wasn't worried about it being prophetic. I always survived with the people in the dream that I liked to build a new world. Metaphorically speaking, my subconscious totally backed me up on getting out of suburban NJ. When I went to NYU the world stopped ending in my dreams, probably because I was rebuilding my life within a place and a people I liked.

Years later I'm still very affected by apocalypse fiction. There was an NYC Radio Theater production of War of the Worlds that moved me to tears. Promethea* was made of awesome and reflects how I think of "apocalypse," after studying mysticism at NYU. It's not a disaster, but a great revelation at the end of an era:

Rejoice. Your world is ended. The beliefs whereupon it was founded turn to air before the quantum scrutiny of your new science; were never truly there. Time's jail-yards are unlocked, the prison of material ambition that reduced you now demolished. Rejoice. Return now to your separate moments, selves, and rooms, and know that separation for ILLUSION. Know that you were one, were here, and in eternity are here forever. Here, where sudden firelight in your soul startled you from your worldly slumber. Stay awake.

Promethea, book 5.

And then there was last week.

Monday a blogger I read started a new short fiction blog called Apocalypse Daily, within the obvious theme.

Tuesday held another episode of The End of the World at UCB theater. It's a limited engagement improv show for the month of June, very fun so far.

Wednesday I went to an awesome Fantastic Fiction nite at KGB, where Brian Francis Slattery read/sang excerpts of his book Liberation: Being the Adventures of the Slick Six After the Collapse of the United States of America backed up by his own bluegrass band. This is the only recording of it so far, and I'm sad I didn't bring my own sneaky recording device. (And this is what the band looked like with better lighting, for reference) It was absolutely magical.

Friday, XKCD puts in a witty two cents, tho the punchline only really makes sense if you work in mathematics and/or academia (like me).

I wouldn't say I believe in Synchronicity per se. I look at the other way around: what you put out into the universe, it sometimes returns in kind or in synch. Reminding you of your own choices and plans, and things that need to be changed or finished.

So what exactly am I doing or creating to attract apocalypsi NOW?

*If anyone ever tries to make Promethea into a movie, I will handcuff myself to relevant office furniture in Hollywood until they stop. Unfortunately, I don't think Moore has control over that book anymore.

Save Our Cat!

2009-06-11T18:27:00.000-04:00

So remember that book I raved about a few days ago? The author is in some financial trouble, like so many indie artists and writers right now.

But her cult of loyal fans have banded together to help, and it's super heart warming:

Help Catherynne M. Valente

There are instructions on where to buy her awesome e-books, information on a serialized novel (that cameos in Palimpsest, yay), more of her projects, and a smorgasbord of goods and services for auction from her cult/army of artists. Jewelry, crafts, offerings from other indie writers, all full of awesome.

What's the best way to help any writer or artist? BUY THEIR STUFF.

If you are a professional artisan, see my appeal to professionals here on my jewelry blog. I don't cross-post these blogs often. This is a special case.

Go forth, feel the love, spread the word. Save our Cat!

Breaking all the right laws ;-)

2009-06-11T16:29:00.002-04:00

I have the Soul Flu today :-/ To combat it, I'm trying to focus on happy stuff.

This is just about the happiest thing I see happening in my circles of friends right now. Ironically for this blog, it's a wedding. But it's a really fantastically awesome wedding.

ZeroGravityWedding.com

From their blog, because of course they are blogging this:

In a few short months, my fiancée and I hope to be the first couple married in zero gravity.

When we started talking about marriage, Noah joked that we should have our wedding “in space”. Although most girls would take this to mean Noah didn’t want to get married, Erin knew he was sincere, and that this was a serious request. We decided marrying on the zero gravity plane would be a good compromise.

As kids, we both wanted to be astronauts - at least until we discovered the extensive higher-level mathematics skills involved. Erin attended space camp at the Michigan Space Center, and Noah volunteered at his local planetarium.

We hope that by having the first zero gravity wedding, we can promote the new wave of private space travel and space tourism. We hope that we can one day experience space flight and perhaps make a small contribution towards space exploration.

I know Erin from the NYU Sci Fi Club (we were both Doctor Who fans before it was cool), and I think this may qualify her as one of our most awesome alumni ;-) This is also the first zero-g wedding of all time, so there are lots more articles about it linked from the blog. Also pics of the wedding dress. *giggles*

This is why I don't want to settle for less than awesome in relationships, romantic or otherwise. Because my friends have set the bar pretty damn high :-D

Kiss and Makeup

2009-06-10T17:42:00.002-04:00

It's Summertime, according to the campus calendar. Despite the unseasonably cold/wet spell that hit NYC this month, people aren't wearing giant overcoats anymore. It is nice to have something to look at when I can't focus on whatever book I have with me :-)

Been pondering, as always. I've always turned my head at more women than men in the streets, but in practice I'm bi-curious at most.

The "why" of it finally struck me last week. It's not that women are more attractive then men. Although IMHO the female physique is naturally more attractive & interesting to look at. There's a wider variety of shapes and sizes that develop independently of how many Twinkies we've eaten, and the male physique mostly just expands and contracts via latitude and longitude. (Shapes, I need shapes!) But I digress.

Women may or may not be more attractive than men naturally, but we definitely work harder on our appearances collectively. It's not that men don't try to look their best. I live in NYC, boys definitely know how to dress up (and put on too much cologne :-P). But the average male almost never wears makeup unless it rubs off on him from a female.

I think that's really the base of it. 200 years ago things were different, but in the 21st Century most men don't wear makeup or constrictive, shaping undergarments. And true, women don't have to wear this stuff if they don't want to. Many don't, and still look awesome. But when was the last time you saw a cosmetics company put out an eyeshadow/mascara line for the average male? Or the makers of girdles and tummy-tucking pantyhose? Or home waxing kits? Occasionally I'll see a man in a corset (HAWT) but those aren't your average dudes on the street (sad).

So overall, women are more attractive on the street because they make more of an effort than men. Some want to, but I wonder how many feel they have to? There's a trillion dollar makeup & clothing industry more than happy to back up that work ethic.

It's pleasant to look at, but I'm not sure I like the subtext :-/

Also, I would like to see more girl-loving men in corsets and makeup pls.

An oddity locked away somewhere safe ...

2009-06-09T12:39:00.007-04:00

Awesome new song from S.J. Tucker!

&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://skinnywhitechick.bandcamp.com/track/girl-with-the-lions-tail-lucias-song"&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;Girl with the Lion's Tail (Lucia's Song) by Skinny White Chick&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;

It probably makes a lot more sense if you've read the novel Palimpsest by Catherynne M. Valente (and why haven't you yet?), but I think it stands well on its own :-) I can definitely relate.

Palimpsest is a sexually transmitted dream city full of wonder and ritual. If you've been there you develop a mark on your skin like a tattoo- a small neighborhood map from the city. If you want to get back, you sleep with someone else who has the tattoo. And the city aims to please the souls that love it. A small community of people scattered all over the world spend their nights there as often as possible, most trying to figure out how to emigrate permanently. Persons on both sides of the divide have their own ideas about that...

The myth-punk and surrealism is close to the authors' earlier books (The Labyrinth, The Grass Cutting Sword, and others). She weaves the stories of four different "immigrants" and the city together, similar to her previous book The Orphans Tales, but not in such a septuple-helix-oh-god-get-me-cards-and-string way. I loved both, btw ;-)

Also, sex on the wholesale. With flavours of polyamory and BDSM for good measure. Not a kid friendly book.

Probably not the most eloquent review it's had so far, but it's mine :-)

As for Spinster-ism, there is at least one in the book until she falls in love with the city, it's Matriarch, and it's bees. The book doesn't support singleness as the perfect state, but it is in no way a limited view of love and relationships. Another girl falls in love with a train. Yay for the surreal :-)

In a nutshell

2009-06-05T14:27:00.002-04:00

To offset the moodiness of my last post. Today I stumbled across a way to explain paganism quickly and concisely, as compared to mainstream religion.

Mainstream religion - guilt + dragons = Neo Paganism

Enjoy! :-D

Trying hard to understand

2009-06-05T11:45:00.000-04:00

Forgive the moodiness. Life is OK overall, but NYC is unseasonably cold and wet this week. Also, the new Our Lady Peace single sounds terrible. *fan girl angst*

Lately I've had some run-ins with people who don't seem happy that I exist. Looking at other social connections with them and working backwards, I can pinpoint a mutual acquaintance that hates my guts. That person spits venom behind my back whenever we end up at the same social events though I make no noise about it. I'm just keeping to myself, why should they care?

To add an extra layer of lame, this person despises me for something stupid I did in a LARP three years ago :-P

(Note to other nerd girls- NEVER date within your gaming group. 9 times out of 10, it ends in disaster. Especially if you are rebounding.)

Since that embarrassing era I've made new friends IRL, continued my career and education, established a side business, bought a home, traveled, tons of awesome ensued. I am respected and cherished by my chosen peers and tribe. And long ago I cut off most of the old gaming group. I don't bother them, why should they bother about me?

So it's seriously disheartening to see that no matter how hard I work to improve myself and my life, gamer drama will return to haunt me years later.

And what happens if this stuff segues into real life? Job, career, relationships? Is this worry just another character flaw I need to work on?

But back to the news that's really bothering me: here's a sample of Our Lady Peace from back when they were GOOD.

Why must you break my heart so, OLP? You were the cornerstone of my angsty adolescence, and now you're all ... bouncy :-P

Don't Pity the Spinsters ;-)

2009-06-02T17:50:00.004-04:00

My friend emailed me about this awesome article:
Don't Pity the Spinsters

Yay! It it so awesome to see women taking care of themselves, and their own. In a large swath of our society women are supposed to take care of themselves last. Supposedly a man is also supposed to take care of her, and children are supposed to be grateful and respectful, but when that fails the wife/mother has to pick up the slack anyway.

I agree with the author that if a person has found a partner that truly works and cares in equal amounts, awesome! Unfortunately, lots of people have a hard time distinguishing the differences between a partner and a parasite. Both men and women need to watch out for social/emotional/economic parasites. But when society still tells us we need to get hitched, this can get confusing and depressing.

I really like my life, I take care of myself :-). Well... I'm getting there. At least I have the time and space to listen to myself and fix my problems. It actually saves a lot of time and energy when you're not waiting for someone else to fix things for you.

Some people have not been supportive about this path I'm on. My friends and this author have similar stories. I still think that kind of nastiness stems from insecurity, that weird unhealthy need for people to tear others down. Especially when different choices lead to less miserable outcomes. Insecurity leads to the Romatrix, Neo.

While lurking, I found another article from Charleston that I liked:
A Home of One's Own

After my own real estate adventures, I'm still not quite ready to post advice on it. But I will someday. I totally know where this lady's been, although my situations and plans are a little different. Real estate makes ya crazy.

Now I'm leaving work to hang out with writers, bohemians, and crazy types ON A BOAT!

I.Q. Must Be This High to Ride

2009-05-29T19:30:00.005-04:00

I've been thinking on it for quite some time, but kept forgetting I have a blog for this! Duh!

I've heard a lot of people say over the years, men and women, that they want a partner who is "smart." Then I look at how they treat smart people, and/or who they actually go out with, and am confused.

Perhaps more accurate would be, "I'm looking for someone pretty, who is as smart as I am."

Personally, I've been turned on by the brainpower in not-classically-attractive guys, and turned off by the dumb in pretty guys. It may stem from my need to be amused more or less constantly, so I also gravitate towards people who are smarter or wittier than myself. At least I perceive them to be.

Add a dash of geekiness and this leads to amusing moments. Was hanging out at a friend's party, generally chatting with an increasing circle of nerd boys. And not bad ones, either. Suddenly, during a discussion of Lovecraft, one exclaimed:

"I'm, like, an expert on all things Cthulu!"

*Sassy blinks* "Which in total constitutes one short story, where a guy has a dream, carves a sculpture, and then gets shived?"

NERD PENALTY!

Though seriously, Cthulu gets a lot of play for an Elder God only indirectly referenced in 16 pages. How does that qualify him for his own RPG system? I like "The Dreams in the Witch House" better so far ;-)

Whups, my geek is showing. And I'm probably still high on cold meds. This train of thought will probably make a lot less sense tomorrow.

Do you like your "marks" to have teh smart, or teh dumb?

If I could turn back time...

2009-05-28T16:53:00.006-04:00

Right now I'm home sick with Captain Tripps :-P. Am pretty sure it's not the swine flu, but I still hate being sick.

If I wasn't quite so addled on cold meds, I might try and take part in this, but for now I'll just post about how awesome it is:

Lessons for Girls

Much savvier lady bloggers than I expounding on lessons they wish they'd learned before they grew up. Hopefully to help influence a new generation of highly awesome women.

The part that struck home for me was this from Lesson 8 "You don't have to be a mom," although not strictly in the vein of reproductive rights:

As a child, I recall adults asking my brother what he wanted to be when he grew up, listening to him sagely, then turning to me and flatly declaring, “I know what you want to be: a MOMMY!” And when I denied this desire, I have always been told, with a patronizing “what-a-silly-girl!” smile, “Oh, you’ll change your mind!” I was told I would change my mind when I grew up; then I was told I would change my mind when I met the right man; then, that I would change my mind when I settled down; that I would change my mind overnight when my “biological clock” suddenly started ticking; that I would change my mind when my friends had babies; even that I would change my mind after I had tenure. When confident assertions of my hidden maternal nature proved inadequate, the appeals to conscience began. I was told that I must have children for the sake of my future old age, for the sake of the human race, for the sake of perpetuating progressive values, for the sake of passing on my own intelligent genes (this last from my mom).

I got similar reactions from some friends when I started this blog project. And some of them aren't my friends anymore. In this way, I also connect pretty strongly with Lesson 2 "Opting Out."

Feelin' the luv ;-)

2009-05-21T00:09:00.004-04:00

Sorry for more delays. I have no excuses. But more and more I'm coming to terms with the awesomeness that is being single in NYC. One day I'll have something clever to say about it ;-)

On Tuesday I also had a birthday, and am now officially in my late-twenties. I'd worry about getting old and wasting my youth but, um, for the most part I'm not really interested in people my own age. At least not those outside of my nerdisms.

This year's birthday goes down as another slice of wonderful. It was pretty small and sedate by comparison to other years, but there was an avalance of internet luv for me on my Facebook and Twitter feeds. I was getting universal hugs even before I got to the party, where I was then showered in chocolate.

Now that other aspects of my life are settled back into normalcy, I'm finding it easier to love again. Trust is moving at a slower pace but still coming together. And because it's all friend luv (not romantic) there isn't any weird drama or tension around it. I don't think I've felt this healthy or secure in... years? Ever?

Many sources speculate that "Love is a many splendored thing." So why don't more people act like it? I don't have a S.O. right now, but that doesn't discount the love I get from friends and family. And just because my typical romantic situation is me + 1 guy, that doesn't make it the norm for everyone.

Wow, my sacarine, let me show you it. I've just got a love hangover today, I'll be back to my usual snarkiness soon ;-)

Returned and Renewed

2009-05-05T17:10:00.001-04:00

Settling into the new place took a bit more time and energy than I expected, and then I started working on beady bizness stuff, and I lost track of my "Yay Single" blogging habits. Sorry peoples! On the up-side, my new apartment is now absolutely awesome.

I decided to look for relevant articles and books to link, to jump start my habit without having to think too hard today. And then I struck gold!

Quirkyalone, singular insights on life and love. Where have you BEEN all my life?!?!

An exerpt from the article/manifesto that started it all,
People Like Us: The Quirkyalones:

Better to be untethered and open to possibility: living for the exhilaration of meeting someone new, of not knowing what the night will bring. We quirkyalones seek momentous meetings.

By the same token, being alone is understood as a wellspring of feeling and experience. There is a bittersweet fondness for silence. All those nights alone—they bring insight.

Sometimes, though, we wonder whether we have painted ourselves into a corner. Standards that started out high only become higher once you realize the contours of this existence. When we do find a match, we verge on obsessive—or we resist.

And so, a community of like-minded souls is essential.

I can't begin to explain how much this hits home for me. The desire to be spontaneous, not settling for the sake of coupledom, and the strange balance of companionship and loneliness. I think I've finally found a weird lifestyle moniker to cling to. Yay!

Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics is the resulting book, still available at Amazon.

I even took the online quiz,
Your score was 102. Very quirkyalone:
Relatives may give you quizzical looks, and so may friends, but you know in your heart of hearts that you are following your inner voice. Though you may not be romancing a single person, you are romancing the world.

Yay, I've found a home on teh interwebs :-D

Want commitment? Get a mortgage...

2009-04-09T18:20:00.002-04:00

Actually... never mind. Or just avoid BoA. They'll dun ya wrong...

How is a new home like a boyfriend? It eats up All. Your. Time.

I've been out of my normal social loops for weeks now, and spent more of ICON catching up with other NYC friends rather than attending panels. I'm still going to take it easy for April, activity wise, and slowly rebuild my nest while slowly reconnecting with my friends.

I was almost completely unpacked after the first weekend. I really steamed through those boxes. After waiting so long to relocate I had a lot of stress to work off. I have a few baskets full of clutter that I need to organize, store, and/or discard, but for the most part I'm done. Everything else on my to-do list is cosmetic.

The kitchen will have to wait a little while for renovations, because the co-op insists on charging me a $650 fee + $1500 deposit + engineering sketches for "structural" renovations.

"But... kitchen cabinets are cosmetic, not structural. Besides, I want to put up open shelves instead of cabinets."

"No, no there might be stuff UNDER the cabinets!! ZOMG!"

"So do you have an older engineer's sketch that shows whether or not there are wires or pipes right under the cabinets?"

"SHOW ME THE MONEY PUNY TENANT!"

Sigh. And the current cabinets are all moldy. Ick. I've lined them, but I know it's still there :-P

Otherwise, life is good again. Am settled in one place rather than slung between two, and have more time to relax. I'm also working on all the home projects I've had on hold for months. The new place gets direct sunlight, and last week I was able to watch a thunderstorm from my kitchen without fuss. Once it's warm enough, I can watch them from my balcony! Balcony garden? I CAN HAS! Now that my familiar books and possessions are out of their boxes, it's a lot more comfortable. And, um, a lot more cluttered. Photos are a great way of bringing that to attention. I'll work on it.

Patience is a virtue I lost at some point over the last few years, but lately I've worked hard to reclaim it. I'm being as patient as I can with myself in getting my home in order. Trying new things slowly to see what needs fixing. Not to mention re-balancing my finances. There were no breaks during the moving process, but my bank accounts got a little scuffed.

It *is* smaller than where I was renting, but it costs less and I use this space more effectively. But lets see how I feel about that once I start having parties again... Clown car time!!

<3 Sassy

Returned!

2009-04-09T17:05:00.004-04:00

I'm back from NoLa, and back from ICON, and mostly settled into my new studio apartment.

Did not perform nearly as many seductions during those trips as I intended, but I was VERY tired from the stuff at home. I've made a good start on re-learning how to flirt, and I very much needed a vacation from everything.

And there are plenty of other pictures to look at while you're waiting for me to write something more coherent :-D

Palimpsest book launch in Brooklyn.

Palimpsest Chicago-New Orleans train trip.

My new home, aka The Chantry :-D

And if any of my fellow Palimpsest citizens want copies of these photos you have two options: a) Get a free Flickr account and download them. b) Email me and I'll send them to you.

Hiatus + Adventures

2009-03-18T14:22:00.004-04:00

Hey peeps, I'm sorry I've been off the air for a few weeks. This month I closed on my new co-op apartment, and now I'm in the middle of renovations and moving. And unfortunately real life wins out over blogging... for now...

Some fun things are happening, too (or I'd just explode). Tomorrow I'm off to join the Palimpsest train tour, and if all goes well I'll have plenty of tales and photos to share! W00t! Palimpsest is a really fun book. Not quite in the vein of what I'm trying to do here by fleshing out a Singles Agenda, but I may do a proper review later. I was vendor-ing with my jewelry biz at their book launch party/concert in Brooklyn a few weeks ago, it was ... beyond.

After I get back on Monday, I have more last minute packing to do, and then I move on Thursday and Friday. I may not be back and active on the blogosphere until April, and the first weekend of April is ICON (just as a fan girl, not a vendor ;-)

So the next few weeks will be CRAZY, and my internet presence will be inconsistent for a while. But expect tons of photos sometime in April, possibly all at once. New Orleans, Chicago, ICON, and the new apartment.

See you on the other side!

S.A.W. Epilogue: Back from the abyss

2009-02-18T09:19:00.006-05:00

Hey guys, sorry I dropped off the face of the earth towards the end of the S.A.W. Blogathon, but I don't usually blog on the weekends. Also, had some emotional recovering to do after the co-op calamity last week :-/ That hasn't been resolved 100%, but the forecast is fair, and I won't be able to do anything more about it until next Monday. Until then, I resolve not to give it a second thought. It's working so far, and I feel much better today than I did a week ago.

I meant to catch up with the blogosphere on Monday, or Tuesday, but I also came down with a mild stomach bug. Yuck. Today I'm back on the job.

As for Feb. 14, I spent the day running errands and hanging out with friends in a cloistered pub, so I kept forgetting it was also V-Day. I was just keeping on with my life and enjoying the day :-) But according to the Singles Awareness Website, S.A.D. is February 15th. In that case, I spent Sunday laying around the house and smooshing polymer clay. Also very rewarding!

However, after a week of blogging, I feel like I'm not explaining my ideas and blogging-goals fully or properly. Other people seem supportive, but still don't think anyone really *gets* what I'm trying to say, or understands what kind of online community I'm trying to create. It's something I want to work on more. Perhaps I'll write a manifesto...

So thanks again to those who participated in the Blogathon!
My co-blogger, Luscious Sealed Lips
Singlarity: Singles Awareness Day/First Date Butterflies
Saroj: Valentine’s Day/Singles Awareness Day
Tantrumzz of the Rat: For u Pink Lips!!!!
Life, Universe, and Everything: The Singleton Set

See you again next year, same spinster time, same spinster place :-)

This week and next week are going to be craaazy busy for me (real estate and vendorship), but if I have any braincells left there is an amusing new series of posts under construction. W00t!

S.A.W., day four, part two, clerical errors

2009-02-12T18:07:00.005-05:00

Just noticed something odd. In Luscious Lips's announcement about the blogathon, there is no functional link back to my Sassy Spinster blog. Is it just my browser, or is anyone else having that problem?

That might explain why I've been blogging all week, and getting ZERO COMMENTS from the other bloggers. Shucks.

How is everyone else doing?

Singles Awareness Week, day four!

2009-02-12T11:26:00.002-05:00

So we are not alone as happy singles! Hurray!

Here are some of our fellow contributors so far:

From Singlarity: First Date Butterflies

From Piyush: The Singleton Set

From SabbatHunter: Single and Happy

Keep 'em coming guys! It's not to late to join up ;-)

Today I'm still in the middle of an extended game of phone tag, trying to save my co-op deal. But if it ends before lunchtime, I'm gonna to jog over to my favorite gourmet chocolate shop and pick up a box truffles. I also do this for my b'day in May. This store is great, because you can have the people at the counter pack you a custom box, so you get all the flavors you like best :-D

Another friend invited me to a cookie bake/trade on Saturday, but I'm not sure if I'll have the time to bake cookies by then. Darnit. All this real estate craziness is getting in the way of my Single Celebration!

<3 Sassy

Singles Awareness Week, day three

2009-02-11T23:20:00.005-05:00

Today was severely lame. But while the co-op situation continues towards disaster, everyone on my team is working hard to fix it. Yay for that.

I've been working on an outfit/costume for an event later in the month, so today I gave myself a small dose of retail therapy. I gained about 20 lbs. over the last six months, and was having severe body image issues because none of my clothes fit. But now I have a new sexxy green skirt/dress from American Apparel, and I [superficially] feel better about life.

My tips about retail therapy:

Go with a shopping list. "I need a green skirt." "I need 2 pairs of slacks for work."
Hunt specifically, don't graze vaguely. You'll buy stuff you don't need, and feel guilty later.
New items adapt better to the herd if introduced one or two at a time.
Take stock of what you have before you buy new stuff, to make sure you don't already have one, and that everything matches in some way.
Unclutterer fans also suggest getting rid of something old after you buy something new.

Now may not be the best time for me to buy more clothes (moving, investing, economy, ect.) but dammit, none of my skirts fit! I will probably do another closet purge before the move, but keep a few pieces to reverse-engineer into larger pieces later. Yay for my new sewing machine, if I ever get the chance to unpack it.

Another nice point about being single, I only have to feel comfy in my own skin. I'm under no pressure to look pleasing to anyone else, tho I like to look pleasing for myself at most times. And as long as I'm wearing clothes that fit, I feel quite sexy. When I see that person in the mirror looking back at me, I know I'm going home with someone super hawt that night ;-)

S.A.W. day two, part two

2009-02-10T21:08:00.006-05:00

So... my co-op deal may be delayed by another month or two, if not canceled entirely. There was a communication problem between BoA and it's attorney for closing, so it had to be canceled. Not sure if we are staying with this bank or mortgage, even though we are in the middle of the deal.

It's still all "maybes" right now. But I say again, please don't apply for a mortgage through Bank of America, evar. They may have been good at it once, but those days are long gone.

I was very, VERY upset when this was all presented to me at the end of the work day, so I couldn't call around to all of the lawyers and bankers to get it sorted out. Like, broke down crying at work upset. And I was supposed to close on the co-op this Thursday.

In light of this week's blogathon, I don't have an s.o. to call up and demand cuddles from when things like this happen. On the other hand, I have parents to call for support, and friends to call for help, and EVEN MORE friends who are promising cuddles and hugs the next time I see them. Srlsy, Wicked Faire is going to be me covered in hugs at all hours.

Hooray! I <3 being single!!! I get all the love I can seek out!!!

Singles Awareness Week, day two

2009-02-10T16:09:00.002-05:00

As some of you know, I will be selling jewelry at a slightly kinky event in a couple of weeks. Today I thought of a new promotion.

"Spend $5 at this booth and you can feed the artist a grape."

The event has a chocolate and candy theme, so I may try something other than grapes, mostly because we don't have a fridge or freezer in the hotel room. Nor is there a grocery store nearby.

But srsly, I <3 being single :-D

Also, we have one more confirmed blogger for S.A.W.! Sabbathunter on Livejournal.

Sadly, none of the other interested parties have confirmed yet, or have cancelled, and my main co-conspirator is away. I guess everyone else has been eaten by zombies? Weird.

Remember people, if you want others to bask in the camaraderie of singleness, your blog posts have to be PUBLIC. Also, please *inform* me that you are getting involved, and link back to this blog in your blogathon contribution.

<3 Sassy

Singles Awareness Week, Day One

2009-02-09T15:04:00.003-05:00

Yay! Beginning of Singles Awareness Week! *happy dance*

It's not too late to join the festivities, just check out this post and follow the instructions :-) Remember, you don't have to *be* single to write about how awesome it is. I'll post a list of my co-bloggers later today or tomorrow.

Tho I must say, there isn't a whole lot of interest in this project so far. Not a lot of bloggers have contacted me about it. People were far more interested in blogging about a pretend Zombie attack last year. Bloggers would rather write about pretend zombies than being single? That says sad things about our society, imo.

But I also just joined the Women's Blogger Directory, which is awesome. Come play with us this week, ladies!!

Because finance is a big weight on a lot of people's minds these days, I'm going to write up a list of why it's awesome to be a single financially minded person:

Taxes for one, soooo simple (in the USA, at least). We can file them online now!
Budgeting for one, also very simple. If something doesn't work in the budget, there's only one person to investigate.
Food shopping and home cooking, a large part of budgeting, is much easier. If you are a picky eater, you'll get exactly what you want every time. If you aren't, you never have to deal with another picky eater ;-)
I have no joint bank accounts, so I know exactly where my $$ is and who is using it at any given time.
Credit reports, also super simple.
Need to move-house for work? No problem! It's your household, take it wherever you want.
Got offered a super traveling job? Hey, you are foot loose and fancy free, it's a perfect combination for professional travelers.

I got more interested in budgeting and finance last summer, just before the economy started going haywire, and before I started actively looking to buy a home. From what I've seen, nobody needs to buy books about saving money ever again. It's ALL on the internet.

Budgets are Sexy is my favorite finance blog. He's married, but I don't hold that against him ;-) There is plenty of instruction and insight on budgeting-for-one on his site, and tons of article round-ups and links to other blogs.

The Dangling Conversation is blogged by a friend of mine, who spent many years climbing out of debt. She's had many bad experiences and many good insights, and is almost debt free now! Yay!

Debt Free Saver is another friend, trying to balance life, school, demanding kitteh, and cash. Also has good tips on budgeting, shopping, and bartering!

(I used to have all of these blogs linked on my side bar, but I went to the fancy blog look and lost that bar :-/ I'm thinking of going back to the old look. Less flashy, but more informative.)

One piece of advice I have for would-be-budgeters is to track all your purchases for a month or two *before* you try and budget. It will give you a better sense of what you already like to do with your money, and where corners can be cut. Especially in the grey areas between what count as "essential" and "non-essential" expenses. I don't need cable, but I do need air conditioning.

A friend of mine often worries that she spends too much money on eating out, but it's also her primary social outlet. I don't think it's a bad idea to budget ahead for expenses like that instead of cutting them out entirely. Friends and fun are essential too ;-)

Personally, I cut my late-night-out expenses in half when I gave up alcohol. Now I can spend $$ on taking a cab ride home instead, yay!

<3 Sassy

This week's good/bad news:

2009-02-05T20:50:00.002-05:00

Good news! I have a closing date for the co-op deal, next Thursday! *happydance* If everything works out, I can be moved into the new place by the end of the month.

Bad news! My lawyer called me back, asking if I was with HSBC or BoA. Because the bank lawyer mentioned HSBC, not BoA. In increasing order of possible bad: either the lawyer just flubbed and said the wrong bank by accident, or BoA sold my mortgage to HSBC (I think the deal would still go thru?), or the bank's lawyer has sent forms around for the wrong mortgage.

I know a bank can sell it's mortgages to other banks. I checked my documents before today, it says so, but also says whoever owns the mortgage can't make me pay it all at once or futz around with percents or payments.

But can a bank sell a mortgage when the property hasn't even been closed on? Without telling the purchaser?

Good thing I already have a lawyer.

BTW, Singles Awareness Week Blogathon! Next week! If you're coming to play, tell me so I can add you to our carnivale!

Blame it on the train

2009-02-04T11:17:00.001-05:00

I'm taking it a bit easy this week, as next week I'll be blogathoning, and this week I'm still trying to pin down a closing date for my co-op.

Yes, a Blogathon for Singles Awareness Week! NEXT week! Sign up! Be counted and listened to!

Noticed something about my own quirks this week. I find people to be most attractive on the weekday subway commute. They're just chilling, waiting to get home, reading, listening to music. Whatever grooming they did for work or class that day is usually still active. They are less drunk and obnoxious (usually) then they are at a bar or club (less applicable to weekend travel).

On the train, most people just want to sit and be left alone to their thoughts. I think that's when a NY'ers real face and quirks emerge, because they aren't on display or on the prowl.

Unfortunately, I'm shy in social settings to begin with, so picking up strangers on the train is beyond my abilities. And I'd find it creepy if someone asked *me* out in that setting. Why can't people be so unobtrusive and relaxed in the usual social places? They are much more attractive without the drinking and shouting.

Have you ever asked out a stranger on the train? Or just started talking to one?

In which the author is extremely geeky.

2009-01-30T11:25:00.005-05:00

As my real life is stalled out while I wait for a co-op closing date to get scheduled, I will now comfort myself in a little fantasy world full of strange tv shows and movies. Hooray!!

First, ZOMG NEW RED DWARF EPISODES!!!!! I met Robert Llewellyn, who plays Kryten, at Dragon Con 2008. I totally fangirled out and embarassed myself, but he's a very friendly person. He mentioned this at the Red Dwarf panel. At that point it was still in the "Maybe... We think so?" stages.

Second, I am starting to plan for DragonCon 2009. It's Labor Day Weekend, and I'm starting to plan in January. If you think this sounds odd, you've never been to DragonCon. It's a geek bachanalia. Four straight days of Nerdvana. The main hotels are already sold out!

Third, Edgar Wright, who directed Spaced, Shaun of the Dead, and Hot Fuzz, is working on his next film Scott Pigrim Vs. The World. I've never read the Scott Pigrim comic books, but the director's blog photos suggest he's researching a lot of kung fu and teenage romance movies. I am intrigued. I just wish he had a proper blog that wasn't on Myspace.

Fourth, season/series six of Doctor Who is shaping up to be ... different. David Tennant is definitely leaving this time, which is extra annoying, because the producers shortened series five specifically so he could stay on the show. I don't have much info on the boy they have for Doc #11, and I'm very disappointed it isn't the awesome Paterson Joseph.

I also wonder how Stephen Moffat is going to put his own mark on the Doctor Who franchise as he takes over for Russle T. Davies. Based on his earlier works (previous DW episodes and the BBC series Coupling) I have this theory:

The companion will be pretty, blonde, and blue eyed, and be totally into other women. The young looking new Doctor will turn emo because for once HE is chasing the companion. *Doctor Angst!* The episode where the companion gets the most female-on-female action in the series will be called "Inferno."

Coupling is a hillarious alternative to the American show Friends, but Moffett isn't great at writing female characters. A typical Moffat DW episode consists of a new, better female companion for the Doc, which makes the established companion very whiny. Except for "The Doctor Dances," where Captain Jack makes sure to seduce Rose and the Doc so nobody feels left out.

And now for the sad nerd news, at least for my NYC people, Kim's Video may be closing it's doors. I've heard rumors that it's moving, but it's really the last wacky video store/rental left in the East Village. The Powers That Be are slowly but surely turning St. Marks into a strip mall :-(

Geek on, my friends. And don't forget to sign up for the Singles Awareness Week Blogathon!

Reminder: Singles Awareness Blogathon Week!

2009-01-28T15:00:00.003-05:00

*pokes everyone*

*poke poke poke*

February 9th - 13th,

Blog for Singles Awareness Week!

Singles be awesome ;-) Don't let anyone tell u otherwise!

Sign up and be awesome with us!

Playing Catch-up.

2009-01-26T19:38:00.003-05:00

Hay guys, sorry I've been off the radar for a week. I am in the middle of trying to buy a co-op in Queens. Someday I'll put up a whole series of "How [not to] deal with NYC real estate" posts, but right now it's taken over enough of my life. Packing, pleading with bankers and lawyers, argh.

But I can give one piece of advice: DON'T get a mortgage through Bank of America, especially if you're buying something other than a standard house. Especially x2 if it's a co-op in NYC.

BoA sends ALL of their mortgage applications to an office in Tampa, FL for processing. I've had three loan reps at this office in the last two months, not counting all the people on their hotline that try to help me when my loan reps aren't at work.

Because they are in FL and not NY, my dealings with them went something like this:

(Mid December)
Sassy: When can I expect to close on the co-op, if they approve me tomorrow? My contract says late January, but my lawyer says it can be earlier.
Loan rep #1: Sure! We can probably be ready for closing the first week of January.
Sassy: Hooray!

(One week later)
Sassy: So the co-op approved me, and they need a Recognition Agreement form before we can set a closing date.
Loan rep #2: What's a Recognition Agreement? Oh, your old loan rep got sent to another department, after taking a week's worth of vacation and doing nothing with your application. Whatevs.

(First week of 2009)
Sassy: I still need that Recognition Agreement please? Can you send it to me?
Random Banker: From what I see in your file, your case has been transferred again. But that person's manager is very experienced with mortgages, so he'll probably know what you're talking about. Because I don't. What's a co-op?

(Second Week of 2009)
Loan Rep #3 (voicemail): We've mailed the R.A., but we won't say to whom. And then our phones are going to get torn up, so when you try to call back you will be redirected to the Atlanta office. :-P
Sassy's Lawyer: They sent the forms to the bank's lawyer, who sent it to the co-op, instead of to you. Without even looking at them, the co-op's lawyer says they aren't in the correct format.
BoA's Lawyer: We don't print R.A.'s in any other format than ours, so take it or leave it :-P
Co-op's Lawyer: Fine, we'll take it. But it will be another two weeks to get them from the co-op's management office to our law office :-P.

Today, the co-op's lawyer finally got the necessary documents from the bank, but don't have the results of the LIEN search, so I still don't have a closing date. I got approved by the co-op board on December 15th, and I'll be lucky if I close before February 15th. I kinda want to hit things with sticks.

Co-ops are difficult to deal with on their own, but thanks to it's mismanagement and foot-dragging, BoA has stretched my transaction out weeks longer than necessary. To add insult to injury, the interest rates have gone down since we started this long painful dance. If the other parties in this real estate deal can't settle on a closing date before late February, my mortgage offer expires anyway and I have to start from scratch.

I don't know what other parts of the U.S. are like, but if you are investing in something other than a standard house (co-op, condo, kabutz), try to keep the transaction within your state/city lines. It may add fees, but it may also cut time.

21st Century Celibacy

2009-01-16T15:39:00.007-05:00

I've mentioned before that my Spinster Agenda isn't to make everyone live the way I do. It's about getting people to be happy with their own lives, and inciting them to make life decisions based on what THEY want.

Today on C&D, Why Celibacy Is Better Than Sex is a good read. Not all women have the same emotional connections or reactions to sex. But this is a GREAT example of someone making up their own damn mind in the middle of a culture that sends tons of mixed messages. She is rockin' her freedom of choice, and not whining about what she doesn't have.

I mean, seriously. "The Media" sends us eight bajillion messages a day that not only should we be having tons of sex, we should equate our sex life to a dish washer. And then we should go buy the dish washer. On another side, there are more than a few spiritual crusades going on against premarital sex, and blaming it for many of the world's failings.

I've also heard this referred to as Second Virginity, and sometimes it's an entirely secular decision. Sadly, I couldn't find the article where I first read about this idea.

Luv,
Sassy

PS, C&D is a mixed bag of a blog. I read their book, Style Statement, and it was great! Very inspirational along the lines of making your own life (and style) decisions, and it struck a chord with my somewhat holistic personal philosophies. Buying a new pair of shoes or a couch won't change your life, but having a home that you really enjoy can't hurt.

But nowadays about 60% of their blog content is split between children/husband/finding a boyfriend. Not so much my thing. 20% is diet & exercise, and another 10% is "Buy this!" Occasionally there's a thought provoking gem, or advice about playing with your personal style statement. But the book is sooo much fun :-).

Singles Awareness Week BLOGATHON!

2009-01-15T16:47:00.008-05:00

The Sassy Spinster and Luscious Sealed Lips are plotting and scheming. Muahaha. Ha ha.

As you may have heard, February 14th is also known as Singles Awareness Day. This year, Luscious and Sassy are celebrating with a week-long blogathon!

And you are all invited to join us!

The Guidelines:

1) Comment on either of our two blogs with your blog name, blog address, and email if you would like to participate. That way we can put together a BIG networky list. Wordpress, Livejournal, all are welcome. Repost this with links on your blog so we can spread the word around. We promise not to do naughty things with your email, just keep all us bloggers in contact about the blogathon. My email is on my Blogger profile if you want to contact me covertly.

2) Make *at least* one blog post during the week (February 9th through 13th) about how awesome it is to be single, or how awesome single people are. You don't have to be single to write about it, but we are here to celebrate Singledom. And make sure the blog post is publicly accessible.

3) Blog in your own idiom (fiction, fact, satire, politics, articles, science, zombies, gossip, etc.) about how awesome it is to be single.

4) No bitter bottoms allowed! This isn't about settling. It's definitely not about whining. It's about embracing what you do and can have in your awesome life!

On Friday the 13th (giggles) I'm going to round up all the posts and put up another big list. Or if it's a really big turn out I'll filter it down to my favorites. Feel free to compile your own favorites list too!

Have fun, wreak havoc!!

Luv,
Sassy

http://thesassyspinster.blogspot.com/
http://luscioussealedlips.blogspot.com/

Does Science = Love? Literally?

2009-01-13T14:16:00.007-05:00

Anti-Love Drug May Be Ticket to Bliss

Science accidentally finds potential for a love potion, and a love vaccine.

I can't say I'd take one or the other, but biochemistry is fun to read about :-)

Also, didn't they cover this in Alien Nation?

In other news, I'm trying to figure out how to make this Blogger Blog look less boring. How do you my fellow Bloggists do this?

x0x0 A less tech savvy Spinster

Goth Clubs FTW

2009-01-07T11:00:00.000-05:00

I'm not big on clubbing. It's too loud for talking, and I don't drink, so all I go for is the dancing. But I do prefer one type of club-nite over another...

Standard Clubs:
-Filled to 120% of capacity = no space to really dance, just jump up-n-down in place for a while.
-$20+ cover, sometimes $40+
-$10+ shots
-VIP = $100+ ticket
+More variety of musics and dancing, some with their own floors/rooms (house, hip hop, latin, etc.)
-People bring their drinks to the dance floor = I end up covered in drinks while trying to dance.
-Dancing on stage is often for professionals only.
-Nasty smelling males filled with $100 of vodka, leering at me from the edges of the room.
-Creepy out-of-towners trying to score.
-Creepy "bridge & tunnel" males trying to score.
-Bottle service.

Goth Clubs/Nites:
+Filled to 50-90% capacity = space to dance.
+$10 or less cover
+$3+ shots
+VIP = free entry, and/or drink vouchers. But you have to qualify for VIP in some other way than $$...
+Wave/industrial/techno musics.
-Not a wide range of music between rooms, if there is more than one floor or room.
+Goths don't usually drink on the dance floor, at least not in NYC.
+ Far less leering, or leering without vendetta. It's just part of the look.
+You can dance on any surface you can climb on (except on top of the DJ's gear).
+The goth scene is so insular now that most people don't go to club nites to score- everybody already knows each other.
-Occasionally frat boys show up to try and score with "easy goth chicks." Typically they fail.
+Is easy to pick up goth/wave/industrial dances without embarassment, because everyone is so absorbed in their own dancing. Also very poorly lit.

I don't factor dress codes into either club type because there are clubs in each category that don't have 'em. But overall the outfits at goth clubs are much more fun than at normal clubs. I have outfits that function in both settings, and even more that don't work in either. I am not really a goth. I just like the music, dancing, and outfits.

For more information on Goth nites around NYC, check out New Goth City. They are a great resource for finding things to do "When You're Evil" ;-)

Foxy!

2009-01-07T09:54:00.002-05:00

Yay, more Joy Nash!

I <3 you lady! Make more movies!!

Return From Limbo

2009-01-05T20:11:00.007-05:00

Because that's really what winter break is like for me. I work at a college library, so I get about a week and a half off while the college is closed to students. I make a ton of plans of what to do with my free time. So instead I lay around in my pajamas all week until my friends call me out of the house for hooka or goth clubbing.

But the rest of the world keeps moving, even when I'm sitting on my fat butt eating leftover Xmas cookies. And pies, and chocolates, and breadsticks, and ... eep.

Case in point: Save our Sooj and Help Vera are two online communities working to help a musician and an editor (respectively) out of dire financial situations. Go read their stories, bask in the fan-luv, help out if you are inclined.

This is what I'm talking about! I know Sooj has an S.O. (actually, she has several, but that's another story...), I'm not sure if Vera has one, but both are beloved by their families and the communities of people they live in and work with.

Who needs romance when hundreds of people really care about you? ;-)

In other news, I'm not really up on the whole New Years resolution thing this year. In early November some aspects of my life changed for the better, and that's when I started resolving to do things. Waiting for New Years to start seemed silly. Binding my resolutions to a one-year period feels doomed to failure. 2008 was also a rough year for me, and the rough isn't quite over yet, so it's difficult to just cut ties and leave the year behind.

I'll keep working to be more *me* but not just for 2009. Life is always beginning and ending, and not just when we switch out our calendars.

I'm also trying to formulate some interesting ways to celebrate Singles Awareness Day (February 14th) this year. On m'blog, and in NYC. Any ideas?

Study finds romantic comedies may be bad for us.

2008-12-17T12:51:00.012-05:00

Romantic comedies 'spoil your love life' sez Heriot Watt University.

I started blogging a few weeks ago. Now whenever I start thinking about or working on a new post, something new from the interwebs shows up to tie everything together.

The other week I was thinking about a particular Spinster stereotype. I was home & sick that weekend, but I did not sulk while watching romantic comedies and dramas. Instead, I watched 10 hours of Babylon 5 (my friend got me hooked a few months ago, still haven't seen it all) without the sulking.

During Thanksgiving weekend I happened to see the movie 27 Dresses, and the long, slow, painful trudge through co-dependence almost made me cry. And not in the happy-wedding way.

Like the friend that pointed out this article to me, I was never into most romantic comedies. And after a year of figuring out my head-workings, I'm even less into them, and sometimes have averse physical reactions to them. I like some romantic plots, depending on the story, writing, etc., and usually as part of a larger entity. Especially in the SF genre (so much Bab 5 'shipping, OMG). Shakespeare is the exception, but I can't resist his text.

So I'm going to introduce another tag-cloud of posts about movies and other media that do not reinforce the agenda of the Romatrix. Be prepared for some really odd flicks.

GEEKSIGN

2008-12-14T02:43:00.009-05:00

I've been trying to formulate this post for a while, with my limited writing/whinging skills.

Luckily, musical artist Marian Call already did it for me! Check out her tune Nerd Anthem, or I'll Still Be a Geek After Nobody Thinks it's Chic and that's about where I was trying to go.

I still don't know why "Geek Chic" happened. Did the normies get jealous when they realized that we rule the world? Followed by an attempt to emulate us? Is this another level of making fun of the weirdoes who sit together at lunch? Is it supposed to be (shudders) ironic?

All I know for sure is there are bars in NYC that cater to fanatics of comic books and classic arcade games. Unfortunately they are overrun with trendy people in horn rimmed glasses, plaid, and argyle.

I'm not against people embracing new lifestyles and dissolving old stereotypes. There is just something disheartening about finding a nice nerdy (looking) guy at a bar, only to have him inch back slowly in fear when I start chattering about Doctor Who. I don't think this bait-and-switch technique is fair to either one of us, sir.

OK, so you've seen Star Wars and the Lord of the Rings movies. You like the new Battlestar Galactica (new?). Maybe you've been to the Rocky Horror Picture Show ... once. Renaissance Faires are a fun place to go to watch girls in corsets "talk all like Shakespeare." You use a computer at your day job. *golf claps*

But where were you when I was an outcast teenager, being shoved into lockers by girls who matched their shoes with their backpacks? When I was being called rude names by people that wanted me to write their essays for them? When I was studying like mad to get a 5 on the AP Bio exam so I could have more fun in college?

Geek isn't just liking the right tv shows and ugly socks, it's a shared heritage of being odd and feeling out of place, but not on purpose. Not for it's own sake, and not for irony. The funny clothes, fandoms, and treasure troves of useless trivia are a side effect, not the source.

So stop teasing my people with your cute horn rimmed glasses, OK? Don't get me wrong, I like normie guys, but this is just confusing. Why not put your dinner jacket or Giants t-shirt back on and try the mainstream watering holes? I'll go back to my Pangalactic Gargleblaster and no one need know you were ever here.

Settling for Celibacy

2008-12-10T15:38:00.002-05:00

15 Years Without Knocking Boots

First, I'm sure this essay is supposed to be comical.

Second, it is interesting to examine and pick apart lots of little details about it, with no offense meant to the author, because it's a humorous piece that doesn't take itself too seriously.

Even so... oy. Take what I want to write about and do a complete 180. With an extra dose of impatience and whining.

I regard men with ambivalence, with alternate longing and fear.

This I can understand. She likes their company, and then is consistently disappointed by them. Rejection is never fun, and it sounds like some of the men she's been with have had severely bad cases of the dumb.

I've grown accustomed to being alone.

OK, WTF is that all about? She goes on and on about her gal pals, and how some of them have even hit on her. And what about her career? There's an article on Salon.com with her name in the byline- does this mean nothing in the face of being single?

But we all crave human contact. "So," I resigned myself, scheduling a back massage, "welcome to the wonderful world of the middle-aged, celibate single woman. You now have to pay people to touch you." It's funny how comforted I can feel simply by hands rubbing my body. I know some men are willing to offer extra for a "happy ending" -- for them, sensuality isn't achieved unless it ends in orgasm -- but for me, I'm perfectly content just letting someone rub my shoulders, my back.

Isn't there anybody in her life willing to give her a free back rub? I'm single, and I've had two in the past week, neither with the ulterior motive of sexxing me up.

Oh, wait,

And I suppose it would help to leave the house. I am quite reclusive, as most writers are, and unless some drywall guy who reads Russian literature shows up on my doorstep, it is highly unlikely that I will meet an available straight single man any time soon.

Because we all know that the best way to meet other single people, "for friendship or more," is to stay home on the weekends. Where do all her gal pals come into it while she's shut up at home?

I don't disagree with her philosophy, "You have to be in love to make love," especially since she's tried the alternatives and did not like them. I've said before, different strokes for different folks.

But instead of reflecting on her life for what it is, she focuses on what it is not. It is not shared with a romantic partner, woe! Forget all the accomplishments and adoring friends, she can't find Mr. Right! Towards the end she brings up non-romantic love and friendship, but almost as an afterthought. It sounds like she settles for what she has instead of cherishing it.

This makes for a very whiny sounding article that makes my teeth grind, regardless of the ironic, comical tones. And I think it helps reinforce the stereotype that I'm trying to break.

A disturbing intersection of stereotypes.

2008-12-09T13:00:00.000-05:00

Cats + Spinning = ?

My eyes itch and water just thinking about this... dumb allergies.

Tips on spinning cat hair

The Whole Craft of Spinning from the Raw Material to the Finished Yarn
By Carol Kroll

VIP Fibers: Specializing in Mail Order Custom Handspun Yarn from Your Very Important Pets!

THE ROMATRIX HAS YOU NEO

2008-12-08T20:40:00.008-05:00

Still working on the book Against Love: A Polemic by Laura Kipnis. It is interesting, but a little dry. A very good read if you remember reading Nietzsche and Freud in college, and probably even better if you studied some political science. The author says up front that the point is not to convince the readers, or herself, of one point or another. In her own words:

A polemic is designed to be the prose equivalent of a small explosive device placed under your E-Z-Boy lounger. It won't injure you (well, not severely); it's just supposed to shake things up and rattle a few convictions.

Her book focuses on romantic love (not family or friendship so far) and how obsessed our society is about pursuing and maintaining romance. Love at any cost. It's almost like this drive is programmed into our psyches, and the structures we build around us, as deeply as all the instincts that rail against commitment and domesticity.

So as soon as I thought of "programming" I realized...

Romance is like the Matrix. It's not something that we really need to survive, and history shows we didn't consider needing it until relatively recently (19th Century, similar to when romance novels gained popularity). Before that time it was an amusing or entertaining concept in contemporary fiction, but marriage and domesticity had their own mutually exclusive place in the real world. Romance happened outside of marriage, for the most part.

Western culture is now hopelessly dependent on the Matrix- no wait, I mean Romance. The desire for Romance evolved over the years, resulting in a strange social slavery where pleasure becomes very hard work to maintain (domesticity). This slavery is even endorsed and registered with the state (marriage). We have internalized the system so much that people who are not currently eligible for this sort of slavery are fighting to get it (gay marriage).

But no matter how hard the work is, we don't think for a moment of living without it. Potential separation from the Romance system causes great fear and anxiety, and people put in a ton of work to either stay in the system (unhappy, codependent relationships) or try and get hooked up (the billion dollar match-making industry). We are so convinced that we cannot live without Romance that we never question if : 1 + 1 = 1? Anyone who does not fit into the system, willingly or otherwise, is persecuted or coerced into finding Romance.

It's a fun metaphor to play with, but NOT 100% accurate. There are unhappy, passive aggressive people in all kinds of situations that like bringing other people down, and Romance is just one system.

On the other hand, I know lots of happy people "hooked up" to the system. They don't patronize me for being single. They respect and support my decisions as much as I do theirs, and are very secure about themselves and their lifestyles. They see their friends as whole individual people, and not halves of a Romance-unit.

Some people fall in love because they just do, not due to psychological programming. And many people are secure enough to accept when a romance is over- without sending an agent in a black suit to terrorize their mate.

Back to the beginning

2008-12-01T21:00:00.000-05:00

Like a good librarian, I started this project with research. I looked for other blogs and articles about Spinster-hood, and it was discouraging at first. Most bloggers use the term to bemoan their single status. I wanted to put something together that was more upbeat, more academically detached, and a lot less whiny.

I did find a small handful that embrace their status (rather than settle for it), and a few articles and books that followed suit.

Spinster in the City: In her own words, "Living Single in SLC. Not a bad existence, but I'm tired of feeling like a second class citizen!"

Spinster, An Evolving Stereotype Revealed Through Film: An academic paper published and posted in 2000, very interesting. Inspired me to take a more detached, academic look at my sitch.

The Search for Wisdom- The Modern Spinster: redefining "spinster" for the 21st Century.

Spinsters and Lunatics, online home of the "Spinsters and Lunatics" newsletter: Good FAQ, but hasn't published since June 2008. Fie.

Reclaiming "Spinster": an article that includes lots of nice quotes, some from blogs that I tried to hunt down but are now MIA.

Not Married, Not Bothered: An ABC for Spinsters: a paperback from the UK. Unfortunately, not very quickly available in the U.S. without paying crazy shipping charges. Still on my "to read" list for someday. "Not bothered," is pretty much where I am with my status right now.

Am still on the lookout for more books, articles, and bloggers. Networking is luv ;-)

Chemical Weapons and You.

2008-12-01T20:00:00.000-05:00

My fellow humans,

There are many chemical substances on today's market that are supposed to help us smell nice for other humans. There are many levels of quality and price, and an enormous variety of scents available.

However, with great freedom of choice comes great responsibility.

Perfumes, colognes, body sprays, and the like are meant to be an olfactory treat and tease for the people that get close to you during your day. Like, really close. Arm brushing, lap sitting, ear licking close. Therefore, I must say as loudly and obnoxiously as the internet allows:

PERFUMES ARE NOT A CHEMICAL WEAPON. PLEASE USE THEM SPARINGLY.

The same applies for men and women. Boys, colognes have a lower percentage of scented liquid by volume compared to perfumes, but that is still no excuse for using half of the bottle at once.

And by the modern standards of hygiene, a bottle of cologne, aftershave, or perfume is NEVER an adequate substitution for a shower.

Overdosing on perfumes doesn't just hurt others, it can hurt you when it drives everyone else in your subway car to chuck you out between stations. Other humans can get a little cranky if they are unable to breathe.

Please stop assaulting your fellow humans, at work, at home, on the street, and on subways with perfume. Less is more.

FYI, here are some tips and instructions on how to properly apply perfume and cologne:
By Fortuna Bella & The Scented Paper.

Thank you for your time.

Giving thanks for a single life.

2008-11-27T02:30:00.000-05:00

So it's Thanksgiving. Turkey. Family. Watching Macy's on TV, and then barreling into your local Macy's the next day.

Different families behave in different ways, and "good" and "bad" are mostly based on our points of view.

However, the least helpful question that a Spinster can get during the holidays is probably:

"So, when can we expect to see you married?"

Whether you are barely making ends meet in your half of a shared studio with a cafe job, or making billions of dollars at a 24/7 career that takes you to Japan every third Monday, there may be something amiss. You haven't invited your extended family to a big wedding with an open bar, or added to the pile of children screeching and wrestling on the living room floor.

One year, my aunt was (justifiably) bragging about her adorable grandchildren, and Mom began to simper and imply that she'd like some too. I suddenly sat up, eyes wide with pleasant suprise, and exclaimed:

"Wait, so you want me to do the kids thing, but not the husband thing? OK, cool, I'll keep that in mind!"

Never spoken of since. Win!

This week, I am thankful that I get a quiet three day weekend of food and low key family time (if I am lucky), and playtime with the family cat. When I get home, I will have a mountain of leftovers in my fridge, a nice apartment, a job to resume on Monday, and all the pumpkin pie to myself. Unless I invite some friends over to eat it with me, like I did last year. And that's a pretty good life :-)

How do you deflect/disarm such questions? Do Bachelors get the same hassling that Spinsters do?

These Dreams

2008-11-21T12:06:00.000-05:00

Last night I had a dream about a guy I met in passing a couple of years back, and fancied just a bit. In the dream, We were out on a rather surreal date, made out on a couch, woke up the next morning still in the club, and he vaguely muttered something as he walked out to catch a cab. I ran into some friends, and explained that I'd call him in a couple days, although he probably wasn't that interested, but that was no prob.

That's a far cry from how I've behaved in real life, not with this guy, but with other guys. A random make-out scene followed by me worrying and wondering whether it will go any further after that. It usually doesn't, and then I end up listening to a lot of whiny music for weeks on end.

I like make-out dreams. Make-out dreams that reflect what I want to be emotionally are extra fun :-)

Have a fun weekend!

Gimme Shelter

2008-11-18T12:47:00.000-05:00

I am currently in the midst of purchasing a co-op in Queens, NY. Is much more complicated than I was initially led to believe, but it's still moving forward. Will describe the process at length, later.

A few months ago, a friend asked for some advice on looking for a new rental apartment, and I sent her a long list of "Do's" and "Do Not's" which was ... comprehensive, but not very well organized. Am working on editing that so it makes more sense.

Overall, shelter is one of the necessities of human life, IMO. Far more than candle lit dinners, diamond engagement rings, and bouquets of flowers. There was a point in my life where I finally decided to work on what I had (an OK apartment) and not mull over what I did not (an s.o.).

Since that moment, I have become a frequent celebrator of DISCARDIA, started to read the blog Unclutterer on a daily basis, and borrowed several of my Mother's books on organization and decorating.

Now I'm working on purchasing a co-op that is smaller than my current apartment. After purging mountains of unused clothing, furniture, and junk from my house, and mulling over what necessities my current apartment lacks, I've come to terms with that. Bigger does not mean better, and this lesson is being hammered home to many Americans in many different ways this year.

I ran into an old friend a few weeks ago, and told her I was co-op hunting. "Oh really! With who?" she asked, innocently.

I was more amused than annoyed, but I'm pretty sure that's the default thought. Most people don't purchase a home by themselves, most don't even rent alone in NYC, which I've already done for 3.5 years. A few others suggested, helpfully, that I may not want to purchase a place until my life was settled with someone, because singleness can change at any moment. But in that case, so can relationship-ness.

Right now I'm in a rather stable place, as far as my job and finances are concerned (knock on wood) in this buyer's market, and there really isn't any beau on the horizon. Even if there was, I am slow to act and it would be quite a long time until the cohabitation stage. Most persons suggest that you should only plan to buy a home if you can imagine/plan on living there for 5 years minimum. I'm pretty sure that works for my sitch. And if something changes, I can sublet this apartment after two years.

Also, the place I'm looking at has concrete floors and ceilings, which means I can make a LOT more noise on the rare occasion that I bring a boy home with me. Yay! Right now my landlord lives directly above me in a rickety pre-war split house. I usually turn on the music really loud...

Have you ever bought a home on your own, or with someone that wasn't your lover/partner/ball-n-chain?

Soul Mates and Zodiac Attacks

2008-11-18T11:39:00.000-05:00

So, here's one of many confessions- I am addicted to astrology.

I don't want to be, but I fell into the habit when I was ten years old, and have not yet been able to shake it.

On one hand it is interesting, insightful, sometimes romantic. On the other, I chafe against the notion that my destiny is molded or controlled by points of light in the sky. If a zodiac profile (as simple as a horoscope or as detailed as a natal chart) sentences a person to being nasty and miserable for the rest of their lives, what is the point of living that life? People have the right and freedom to "change their stars" in my mind.

But that's beside the point nestled in my grey matter today.

Looking over most horoscopes, they automatically assume you are looking for a romantic partner, a "soul mate" of sorts. Why? Is it because the people that tend to read horoscopes are persons who constantly seek justification and approval outside of themselves? Whether it's an s.o., or a random astrology writer they've never even met?

Why does a soul mate need to be a romantic partner? Can't it just be a person, or a group of people, that you feel really *click* with you? That you share a deeper emotional and spiritual understanding with? Could it be an antagonist? Soul mates as a pair of people that frequently clash and despise each other, yet cause each other to grow and develop during the fight?

Have you ever had a soul mate? Or more than one?

PS, The main horoscope that I still read, because I am an addict, is Free Will Astrology. The author is a delightful online trickster, and his weekly guides are not the usual nonsense of "boyfriends" and "Mercury in retrograde."

A Kink in Our Think

2008-11-13T11:52:00.000-05:00

On the other side of the spectrum, skinny and underweight friends of mine have had it with being accused of eating disorders.

Body- and self-image are very confusing subjects in this country. Our bodies are supposed to look like those we see on movie screens and magazine covers. We cannot perfect our "self" unless we have a second special someone in our lives. We are encouraged to think that without the perfect body we cannot attract the perfect mate, and we will be lonely and miserable and imperfect for the rest of our lives.

Um... NO?

I'm around 1XL depending on what store I visit. I've been loved and adored by friends and "special someones" while ten pounds heavier and ten pounds lighter. I love getting fine chocolates on Singles Awareness Day (Feb. 14). Fashion designers and clothing stores don't love me quite so much, and I'm still trying to figure out why...

How about you?